My Girl
by rolly21
Summary: Meredith starts off her internship with family members looking over her shoulder, and lost as the distance from her partner breaks her spirit. Femslash! - altered from t to m - just in case its too porny for some ---hehe
1. Goodbyes

This story has been written for entertainment purposes. It is not taken from the show Greys Anatomy. I do not own Greys anatomy, or the characters.

This is my first femslash fic. Please enjoy and review.

"So when will I see you again?" Meredith asked as she stood at the airport.

"Soon sweetie, I promise you." Her partner spoke in the most sincere of voices.

They looked into each other's eyes. "You're going to kick arse." Her partner promised her. "Not because of who your mother is, but because of the skill and knowledge that you yourself have."

"I love you" Meredith whispered.

"You too." Her partner spoke before leaning in and kissing her.

Meredith sighed. "I'll miss you."

"I'll call you when I get home."

"Promise?" Meredith asked.

"Promise." Her partner re-affirmed.

Meredith had tried so hard to convince herself that she wasn't going to cry, but as she watched her partner move through the boarding gate, she could no longer hold them back.

Tears streaked her face as she watched the plane leave Des Moines airport.

Meredith sighed; she now had to attend a mixer. She didn't really want to, but knew that professionally, she needed to be there. So Meredith trudged slowly out of the airport knowing that she had to go home and get ready.


	2. mixing it up

Meredith had donned a simple black dress for the mixer, and had not really put much effort into her presentation for the evening. She had applied very little make up and a pair of short strappy sandals.

She entered the mixer late, arriving to hear the end of the welcoming speech.

Meredith pushed through the evening making small talk. At one moment she found herself caught talking to a young intern with puppy dog eyes.

On seeing Richard Webber approaching, Meredith quickly ducked away.

Meredith looked at the people surrounding her. She couldn't bear to be there any longer.

Meredith remembered seeing a bar across the street when she had pulled up. So on collecting her coat from the rack, Meredith headed straight there.

Meredith took poll position on a stool at the bar. Ordering 2 Tequila shots and playfully telling the obviously gay bar man that she 'always felt sorry in the morning'.

Meredith had kicked back a few shots when a guy approached her. "So you come here often?" he asked her.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "No" she answered.

The guy had continued to talk and Meredith zoned out.

When Meredith ordered another Tequila shot, the guy finally asked, "Are you ignoring me?"

"Trying to" Meredith responded.

"You shouldn't ignore me; I'm someone you got to get to know to love."

"Wow, you really like yourself." Meredith teased.

"_And I'm going to keep on loving you, because it's the only thing I want to do." _Suddenly began playing.

The guy raised his eyebrows.

"I better get that." Meredith told him as she pulled her phone out of her bra and flipped it open to answer it.

"Hey honey" she spoke, trying to sound bright. "How was your flight?"

"A bit rocky, you know I hate flying."

"I just wish I was there to hold your hand." She groaned.

"Mer, it's ok." Sweetie there will be other flights."

Meredith sighed.

"You still at the mixer?"

Meredith cleared her throat. "Ah... no."

Laughter came over the phone. "Where are you now?"

"There's a little bar across the road. Umm... the Emerald City Bar." She answered hesitantly.

"Tequila?"

"Yeah only a few." She said sheepishly.

"Don't forget you have an early morning."

"I won't" Meredith sighed.

"Hey, I love you."

"Love you too." Meredith replied.

"I have an early morning too, so I better get going."

"Miss you." Meredith said quietly.

"I miss you too."

And with that it was over.

Closing the phone, Meredith slipped it back in her bra.

"Well it was nice meeting you." Meredith said awkwardly.

"You too" the guy nodded.

Meredith smiled before making her escape.


	3. wake up call

The next morning Meredith awoke to her phone ringing. Meredith pushed herself up in the bed and reached blindly for it.

"Hey" she mumbled sleepily.

"Morning beautiful. How'd you sleep?"

"Ok" she mumbled again.

"Oh sweetie didn't the Tequila knock you out?"

"It did" she sighed.

"Hmmm..."

"Your side of the bed is cold." She groaned.

"It won't always be."

"I just want you here beside me again." She grumbled.

"Mer, you're the one who chose Seattle Grace for your internship."

"Right at this very moment, I wish I didn't." She sighed.

"It will get easier Mer. I don't like it either, but it will get easier."

Meredith sighed.

"Anyway, sweetie, I was calling to wish you luck on your first day and make sure you weren't running too late."

A pager sounded in the background.

"I got to go. Love you."

"Love you too." Meredith sighed.

Meredith heard the phone click and on her end, the phone began to pulse. Putting her phone back on its base, she struggled out of bed and moved to get ready for work.


	4. closet rat?

Arriving to hear the end of the Chiefs speech Meredith stood in awe of being in the O.R. However, she didn't have long to take it all in. As the interns were all lead to a locker room and asked not only to change but to also wait to be introduced to their resident.

A young Asian girl, Christina, began talking t her. Meredith sighed, but decided she at least needed to make one friend.

"Only 6 women out of 20" Meredith spoke.

"I hear one of them is a model." Christina replied.

Meredith smirked; she could really be good friends with this person. She would always need her dose of sarcasm and bitterness.

The 'puppy' approached her. Ok... well e wasn't a puppy but he was the guy from last night that she had escaped thanks to Richard Webber.

"Hey, I met you last night. You had on the black dress and strappy sandals." He spoke.

Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Oh great Now you think I'm gay." He added.

Meredith thinks that he could be a closet rat, but seemed more of a mamma's boy.

Meredith smiles kindly before hearing her name called.


	5. bash brothers

The day was moving fast. Y lunch she had her own patient who was having seizures. Meredith found the young pageant contestant rather annoying. All she did was whinge.

Meredith approached the table of interns and could tell they were already talking about her. "Great" she thought. She pulled up a seat and glared at them all before beginning to eat her fries.

She sat there awkwardly. She had been ok being here, but she, at this moment longed to be somewhere else.

Meredith looked up to see Preston Burke approaching. He was accompanied by Derek Shepherd. Meredith was relieved to see them as Derek and Preston were her brothers. Derek was her brother with a different father and Preston was her step brother. His father had married Meredith and Derek's mother when Meredith was 8. Preston went by his mother's maiden name.

"So..." Meredith hoped that they weren't coming to talk to her specifically.

"Hey Mer" Derek greeted. Preston nodded to the others before he too greeted Meredith.

"Hey" she smiled lightly.

"Dad says you're avoiding him." Preston spoke up.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Do we have to do this now?" she asked.

"Well if you hadn't spent the last week being loved up." Derek started.

"Der" Meredith protested.

Preston chuckled.

"Both of you shut it." She warned. The other interns looked confused at her as she spoke harshly to the higher ranked doctors.

"What do I have to do to get rid of you?" she asked.

"Well I was coming to tell O'Malley he is scrubbing in on an appy and Der... what did you have to do again?" Preston turned to Derek.

"Oh, I'm here to tell you to stop moping around and get your arse up to see Dad. We all know your heart broken that..." Derek spoke.

"Ok Stop" she cut him off. "Fine I will go see dad. Now back off and go find patients to annoy." Meredith was obviously frustrated.

"Go see dad. We told him we could get you there." Preston nudged.

"Cant a girl eat in peace." She groaned. "And thanks to adding to the awkwardness now that my Grey cover is blown." She whinged as she looked at the other interns and then she sighed.

Meredith pushed back from her table leaving her food, and headed to go see her stepfather.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Arriving she knocked on his door. She heard his voice call for her to come in.

Meredith opened the door slowly and entered the room. "You sent the bash brothers to get me" she opened.

Richard chuckled. "They told me they could succeed."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Well toying with information about my private life has the ability to get me to do what they want."

Richard groaned. "You moped around the mixer. You're not being you."

Meredith looked away and tried to look out the window. "It's not as easy as I thought it would be." She confessed.

Richard cleared his throat. "It never is."

Meredith sighed.

Richard let moments pass before asking, "Why come here if you knew you were going to be hurting so much?"

"It's the best teaching program, and it's closer to mom." She answered.

Richard stepped up behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to be here."

"But I need to... dammit" she sobbed.

Slowly Meredith turned into his embrace.

"It's ok Mer." He comforted her.

Meredith sighed. She had wanted to avoid a break down, but had not been lucky enough.

Pulling herself together moments later Meredith forced a smile and said something about having to get back to work. She looked at her stepfather and sighed as she left.


	6. craniotomy

Meredith blindly followed the sound of her pager throughout the first 24 hours of her shift.

She found that she was working with Derek and he yelled at her when she almost lost their patient. She pulled through the night by studying and talking to Christina.

On given the opportunity, Meredith worked with Christina to discover why the beauty pageant contestant was having seizures. Derek followed through by telling them that they could scrub in.

Meredith was excited by the opportunity and had a buzz of anticipation. Meredith retreated to and on call room and flipped open her phone and dialled one.

"Hey sweetie" the voice greeted her.

"Hey" Meredith greeted happily.

"What's going on?"

"Der had a patient, and I came up with the diagnosis. So he is letting Christina and I scrub in. He's doing a craniotomy."

"That's great Mer."

There was a moments silence.

"Hey Mer"

"Yeah" she answered.

"Whose Christina?"

"Oh... she's ummm... an intern in my group. I've sort of made a friend." She replied.

"Oh ok."

Silence followed.

"Hey honey, you know I love you right? I think Dad has probably got a set of transfer papers waiting for me." Meredith joked.

"You want to come home?" the voice was hopeful.

"I do, but I really need to be here, and its killing me to be away from you." Meredith sighed.

"This is killing me too." The voice replied.

Meredith took in a deep breath.

"What times the surgery?"

"It's at 8 tonight" Meredith told her.

"How long... how long does it take?"

"It's down on the board as 4 hours." Meredith replied.

"I'll call you after so you can tell me all about it."

"Ok"

"Mer"

"Yeah"

"I love you too, and you know I will come and visit as soon as I can."

"I know"

"See you sweetie"

"Bye"

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith stood in the back of the O.R. and her gaze wandered up to see Preston and their father watching her.

Derek had Christina over watching what he was doing. He asked her several questions about the craniotomy before sending her back to the back of the room.

"Dr Grey" Derek called.

"Yes Dr Shepherd" she responded.

"Step up." He instructed.

Meredith stepped up and Derek nodded her towards the lens.

"Congrats" he spoke happily.

"For what?" she asked.

"Solving my case."

"It was nothing." She said jokingly.

"So tell me, how are you holding up?" he asked.

"Surviving" she sighed.

"Mer"

"We talk. We'll get through this."

"It's ok to be hurting Mer, it's the first time you guys have really been apart."

"It's just."

Derek watched her take a deep breath to calm herself down.

"You ok?"

"You seen Mom?" She responded.

Picking up on her need to change the subject he nodded. "I go when I can, you?"

"Not yet. We were going to but... you know. I'm going after the shift ends." She explained.

"Dad goes everyday when he can find the time. Preston hasn't been for a while."

"What why?" she asked.

"She is reliving her residency and more importantly, her affair with Richard. It's cutting him a bit. I mean it wasn't just them. I mean she's mentioned Adele a few times, plus she talks to Pres as if he is a young Richard." He explained.

"Oh"

"Hmmm..."

Derek looked over at Meredith. "You been in the gallery?"

"I watched Pres drive the puppy boy insane. He botched the appy." She answered.

"They much different to the one in New York?"

"Can we not talk about New York?" Meredith asked.

"Homesick?"

"More than I care to share." She whispered.

Derek nodded.

"I'm so sad and pathetic."

"No Mer, you're in love." He told her and smiled


	7. curiostiy killed the cat

Meredith, Christina and Derek scrubbed out. Their patient was wheeled back to recovery and Meredith wandered with the other two to the coffee cart.

"Is that REO SPEEDWAY?" Christina asked when she heard Meredith's phone ringing.\\Derek noticed Meredith's eyes light up.

"I've got to take this." She told them.

Derek nodded.

Meredith flipped open her phone.

"Hey honey" she answered.

Christina raised her eyebrows.

Meredith smiled and walked away.

"It was the best feeling ever standing over the brain." She spoke.

"I'm glad it went well. How did it go?"

"The patient survived" she said with a smile.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Christina stood with Derek. "So what's the go?" she asked, nodding towards Meredith.

"It's private." He replied with a shrug.

Derek looked at his sisters face. It had lit up at the sound of her phone. He knew who she was talking to and that she was describing her first time in the O.R.

"I love you and I miss you." He heard her say.

Derek looked back at Christina.

"Curiosity killed the cat Yang."

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

"I love you too Mer, and I miss you."

"You have the early shift tomorrow?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I start at 6:30"

"I'll give you a wakeup call." She promised.

"That will be great sweetie."

"Just returning the favour." She smirked.

"Hmmm" came the voice.

"Honey, you're tired. I'll let you go." Meredith sighed.

"No wait." The voice came back.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Sweetie... I'm lying here in our bed and I'm snuggled up to your pillow. Can you talk to me until I fall asleep?"

"Sure"

Meredith began talking about her day. Talking about her Mom and a conversation that she had with Derek. It hadn't taken long before she could hear the heavy breathing. Meredith closed off her phone and made her way back over to Derek and Christina.

"You were a while." He commented.

"Problems sleeping" she explained.

Christina looked confused.

Derek nodded with understanding. "I got you a Mocha latte." He held up a cup to her.

"Have I told you that your my favourite?" she asked.

Derek reached for her hand. "You ok?"

Meredith nodded. "I'm fine"

Christina looked between the two of them confused.

"I'm going to finish this then I'm going to find an on call room to have a nap."

Derek released her hand. "Catch some z's"

Meredith nodded and walked away.


	8. the new chick

Meredith spent 2 months walking blindly around the hospital. The puppy, George O'Malley, had a crush on her and the other interns could see that she was oblivious.

Meredith had let Izzie and George move into the house with her.

Her life revolved around the hospital, her phone and her home. On many occasions she visited Joes for a well earned Tequila hit.

Meredith struggled out of bed, and reached for her phone. She felt strange that she hadn't woken up by her phone ringing.

Arriving to work a little late Meredith hurried to change, while the other interns looked at her worried.

They had all got used to the fact that her siblings were heads of their departments.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"You slept in..." Izzie commented.

"How nice of you to wake me." She snapped

Izzie rolled her eyes, "You locked your door."

"What couldn't you have bashed on it?"

"Calm down Mer, gees." Christina defended.

Meredith groaned.

"Rounds people." Bailey called when she came into the locker room.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

"Hey have you seen the new chick? She came in last night, late last night." Alex asked.

"I was late." Meredith grumbled.

"She's hot, really hot." He grinned.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Evil Spawn." Christina snapped.

The group followed closely behind Bailey. Turning into the last room of their rounds.

Meredith had yet to look up at the patient, or take in anything else about the room. Meredith was busy checking her phone again. Still no messages.

"We have a visiting surgeon for this case. Karev, tell us about the patient."

"Carrie Michelson is 6 months pregnant. Has been admitted due to the t.t.s of the foetuses."

Meredith heard the clicking of high heels. "What can you tell me about t.t.s of the foetuses?" The attending asked.

Meredith's head snapped up at the voice. Her eyes settled on the source.

There was a smile slowly spreading across her face.

There in front of her in her simple black stilettos and black dress, with a lab coat over the top. With her fiery red hair in quaint ringlets, was her partner.

Addison smiled. "Good to see you're with us Dr Grey." She said warmly.

The other interns looked at Meredith.

Meredith had tears welling in her eyes.

"So what can you tell me about t.t.s?" Addison asked the group again.

Meredith took in a deep breath and gave an extended response to her question, even offering a way to treat the patient.

Addison smiled, relieved that Meredith would then be on her case.

"Karev, give Grey the chart." Bailey instructed.

Alex handed the chart to Meredith, and the rest of the group left.


	9. home

"Come with me." Addison spoke and led Meredith out of the room and into an empty on call room.

"You're, you're here." Meredith stammered in shock. "You didn't call. This morning, you didn't call."

Addison pulled Meredith to her. "Oh Mer, I wanted to surprise you."

Meredith smiled. "Oh don't ever do that again." She warned before leaning in and giving Addison a kiss.

"I've dreamt about that moment all week." Addison sighed.

Meredith giggled. "You have no idea how much I have missed you." Mer moaned as she leaned in and kissed her again. She then led Addison back to the bed.

Addison smiled against Meredith's mouth, pulling away slightly. "Wow you have missed me." She teased.

"You have no idea." Meredith commented.

"Oh God Mer I love you." She moaned as Meredith pulled her down on to the bed.

The couple continued to kiss each other deeply.

"Mer, we can't. Not here anyway." Addison sighed.

"I... I just want to lay with you." Meredith stammered.

Addison nodded. She lay down next to Meredith and pulled her close.

"I'm home." Meredith sighed happily.

"Me too" Addie whispered as she spooned with Meredith

"I love you Addie, and I have missed you so."

Meredith held on to her tight.

Both laid there enjoying being in each others presence.


	10. just love

Neither was sure how long they had been lying there, but both knew that there was work to do.

"Should we talk about our patient?" Addison asked.

Meredith giggled. "Were spooning and you want to discuss a patient?"

"We do have to work Mer." Addison sighed.

"We know how to treat this. I need to do an ultrasound for you and monitor her until surgery." Meredith responded.

"You study well." Addison teased.

"It helps when you are married to the top neo-natal specialist in the U.S." Meredith replied as she rolled over to face Addison.

"I noticed you didn't have your ring on." Addison stated and tried to hide the pain in her eyes.

"Honey look." Meredith said quietly as she pulled out her necklace and showed Addison the ring. "I didn't want to lose it, and this way it stays close to my heart."

Addison leaned in and rested her fore head on Meredith's. "You can be so sweet."

"Not sweet. Just love." Meredith sighed and tilted her head to kiss her.

Both their pagers sounded.

Addison reached down and grabbed hers. "Richard" she said as she then replaced it.

"Mine too." Meredith smirked.

"Do you think he knows where together?" Addison asked.

Meredith smiled. "I think he might. I dare say the surgery has already been written up, knowing then that we are working together."

Meredith and Addison's fingers intertwined.

"We should go." Addison sighed.

Meredith kissed her one more time. "Ok"

Both climbed off the bed and left together. Their fingers were still intertwined. The dismissed the looks that they received from the other hospital staff.


	11. partner?

Richard was not at all surprised to see Addison and Meredith arrive together. However, he was quite shocked to see them walking hand in hand.

"Are you girls trying to stir up a little conversation?" he asked as they entered.

"It's great to see you too Dad." Meredith smirked.

Addison slipped her arms around Meredith.

"So do tell how you managed to land yourself on this case?" Richard asked Meredith.

Addison smirked at Richard.

"Well it helps to have a wife who specialises in the field." Meredith grinned and Richard rolled his eyes.

"Do your interns know about you two?" Richard asked.

Meredith leant back into Addison's embrace. "No" she said quietly and Addison automatically tensed. "I don't discuss my private life with anyone."

Addison sighed.

"They know I have a partner and that I talk to them on the phone every day, but we have never gone into detail." Meredith explained.

"Partner?" Addison said quietly.

Meredith could feel the disappointment in her words. "Addie" she sighed.

Addison's hands dropped away from Meredith and she stepped back. "I stopped being your partner 5 years ago, and became your wife. Defacto if you must."

Meredith looked at her father who was standing arms folded with great concern on his face.

"I know you're my wife Addie, but you also know I value my privacy. It's not what you're thinking. I promise you it's not." She turned to Addie and pleaded.

"I have a patient to go check on." Addison stammered.

Addison turned and made her way to the door.

"Addie" Meredith sighed and followed her to the door.

"We have a patient to get to." Addison reasoned.

Meredith reached for her hand. "Honey." She spoke softly.

"We'll talk about this later" Addison took her hand. "But right now we have a patient to tend to."

Meredith nodded and held on to her hand tight.

"We'll talk later Dad." Meredith nodded to him.

"Richard" Addison nodded.

Richard in turn nodded. The concern still etched on his face as he watched the couple leave together.


	12. My Wife

They walked through the halls quietly. Meredith still holding Addison's hand. On a few occasions she tried to shake Meredith off, but to no avail.

"Stop" Meredith finally spoke.

Addison came to a halt and glared at her. "You call me. You tell me that you love me and miss me, but then I get here and find out that no one knows about me."

"It's not like that." Meredith sighed.

"Ok, well tell me this. What are you going to tell them now?"

Meredith studied Addison's face. She lifted a hand and ran it along Addison's cheek. "Everything. If you want me to. I will tell them everything."

"What do you want?" Addison asked.

"You Addie, it's always been you." Meredith said with a smile.

"That's not what I mean." Addison sighed.

"Fine. I want them to know that I have a wife who I am absolutely in love with... That her voice is the reason I drag my arse out of bed in the morning... and the distance from her has been why I have buried myself in my work and have been lucky...lucky to be a shadow of myself." Meredith's voice broke.

Addie sighed, and lifted her hand to cup Meredith's cheek. "I'm sorry, it's just... everyone at work knows about you. Everyone in New York knows that we got married when we went to England... and it's hard when no one here knows about us."

"The important ones do." Meredith told her.

Both caught up in each others, and forgetting where they were, leant into each other and kissed.

A series of gasps broke their interlude.

Meredith smiled softly and stepped back. While Addison looked around and realised that a group had gathered and were watching them.

Meredith saw Addison blush and Meredith stepped forward taking Addison around the waist, before looking up at her peers.

"Pick those chins up off the floor." Bailey ordered.

Addison grinned as Miranda Bailey, Preston Burke and Derek Shepherd pushed their way through the crowds.

"Well well well." Preston said with a smirk.

"What brings you to Seattle?" Derek asked teasing.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Shepherd leave your sister – in - law alone." Bailey bossed.

"Mer, what would your boyfriend say?" Izzie finally asked.

"Boyfriend?" Derek asked looking confused.

"Yeah he calls her every morning to get Mer out of bed." George explained.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh.

Addison raised her eyebrows and smirked.

"I don't have a boyfriend." Meredith began.

"But you're seeing someone." Christina chipped in.

Preston chuckled. "Wow Meredith I didn't think you were seeing someone. Did you?" he addressed Addison.

Addison shook her head.

"I haven't been seeing anyone for 6 years." Meredith told them

"Wow that's one heck of a drought." Alex jibed.

"Guys, if you give me a moment I'd like to introduce you to someone." Meredith cut off their little chatter and spoke over the new onslaught of questions.

The interns stopped and looked at her curiously.

"I don't have a partner who calls to wake me up every morning."

"But" Izzie went to interrupt.

"No, I don't have a partner, or a boyfriend. The person who calls me every morning is Addison." Meredith gestured. "I would like to introduce you to my wife, Dr Addison Montgomery."

"You're gay?" Christina gasped.

"You could say that." Meredith laughed.

"So that's why you wouldn't do Sloan?" Alex asked.

"Sloan? Addison queried.

"Mark" Derek answered.

Derek's and Christina's pagers sounded. "Come on Yang, we have patients to see." He called to Christina. "It's great to see you Addie, now she might look alive." Derek commented as he leant in and kissed her cheek.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I love you too." Addison replied.

"Ahh the other bash brother." Addison smiled at Preston as he stepped forward.

"I see that you two have a lot to do. Professionally and personally. So I will leave you to it." He said with a smirk. "It's good to see you Addie; we will have to catch up." He smiled lightly before kissing her cheek.

"What am I chop liver?" Meredith sulked.

"I'll leave you two to it." He smiled kissing Meredith on the forehead.

Meredith sighed and leaned into Addie.

"Ok, come on sweetie. We have work to do." Addison told her as she ran her fingers through Meredith's hair.

Meredith nodded.

"We will catch up for lunch." Addison told Bailey.

"It is good that you're here." Bailey smiled and Addison's eyes widened in curiosity.

"Now get back to work." Bailey turned and bossed everyone.

Meredith stepped out of Addison's embrace. "Let's go" she said as she watched the group slowly disperse. It was only now that she spotted the hurt look on their faces.


	13. where she belongs

The day had passed with very little of anything else. Addison and Meredith had shared moments in the hallway and scrub rooms, and when it came time to go home Meredith was suddenly nervous. Addison picked up on the change in Meredith's demeanour.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Addison asked as she met Meredith at the elevator.

Meredith forced a smile. "Nothing, it's just..." Meredith started and than stopped.

"What?" Addie asked.

"I should have been open with my house mates earlier." Meredith sighed.

"Are you worried?" Addison asked as she wrapped her arms around Meredith's waist.

"They looked hurt." Meredith said quietly. "Do you want to go to the bar tonight?" she asked as she changed the subject.

"Nah, how about we just chill out at home." Addison answered.

Meredith nodded. "I'd like that."

"How about we go home, and I'll cook us something nice and we can curl up and watch a movie." Addison offered.

Meredith relaxed in Addison's arms. "Sounds good."

Addison smiled; it felt good to have Meredith back in her arms, right where she belonged.


	14. 2 months

Arriving home, Addison dropped her bag at the door and both of them shrugged out of their jackets and kicked off their shoes.

Meredith followed Addison into the kitchen where she studied the contents of the fridge.

Meredith climbed onto the bench top and watched as Addison let her hair out and untucked the shirt she had on.

Meredith smiled as she relaxed in their kitchen. Addison poured them both a glass of red wine.

It didn't take long for Addison to have tea cooked and they sat down to their own bowls of spaghetti bolognaise.

Eating quietly both content. "So" Addison opened.

"So" Meredith smiled.

"It feels good to be sitting across from you." Addison reached over and took Meredith's hand.

"This has sucked big time." Meredith sighed.

Moments passed.

"Mer, I need to talk to you about an offer I've received." Addison opened.

"Ok" Meredith nodded and retracted her hand.

"A temp position has been offered to me. It's for 2 months." Addison began. "You know it's a good deal, and I can take leave to fill the position."

"Alright" Meredith said quietly.

"We can rent out our brownstone." Addison added.

Meredith frowned. "But it's only 2 months."

Addison smirked, "yes, but the chief was considering making it a permanent fixture."

"Where is it?" Meredith asked as she toyed with her spaghetti.

"It's in Seattle" Addison smiled.

Meredith couldn't hide her smile. "Which hospital?"

Meredith watched Addison's smirk change to a fully fledged smile. "Seattle Grace."

"Oh My God" Meredith said excitedly as she jumped the table, knocking her bowl of spaghetti over and pulling Addison up for a kiss.

They kissed passionately.

Finally breaking apart Meredith and Addison were breathing heavily. "I... I take it that is a good thing?" Addison asked.

"You have my full support" Meredith giggled.

"What's going on?" Izzie asked as she entered the kitchen, followed closely by George.

"Mer did you cook?" he asked flabbergasted.

Izzie turned to Addison. "You let her cook?"

Addison laughed, "Oh god no, I learnt my lesson years ago."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "For that comment you're sleeping on the couch."

Addison laughed. "YOU WOULDN'T"

"Well?" Izzie asked.

"Ok from the start." Addie smiled. "May I?" Addie asked Meredith.

Meredith nodded.

"I've been offered work at Seattle Grace for 2 months with the possibility of it being permanent." Addison told them. "Oh, and I cooked. I don't trust Mer's cooking."

"Oh well that is nice." Izzie said quietly.

George shrugged and left the room.

Meredith sighed. "What's his problem?"

Izzie looked at Addison and then at Meredith. "Ummmm... he's kind of been in love with you since the mixer."

"But he knew I was in a relationship." Meredith said slightly shocked by Izzie's news.

"Yes but I guess he always had hope. You've been pretty blind to his attempts. But now you with..." she trailed off.

"I'm not with, I'm married to, and yes she is a woman." Meredith said defensively. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"It would have been nice to know" Izzie fought back.

"Hey" Addison stepped in. "We know Meredith probably should have told you sooner, but again it was her mistake. But you do not judge something that may only be a new concept to you, which has been our world for the past 8 years."

Meredith's head was in her hands.

Izzie glared between them both before turning around and leaving.

"It wasn't this hard in New York." Meredith sighed.

Addison shimmied between her legs and Meredith put her arms around her. "They'll come around."

"And if not?" Meredith sighed

"Then you can send them packing." Addie answered with a shrug.

"Hmmmm..." Meredith sighed.

"Hey, why don't we clean this up and go have a bath? We both need to unwind." Addison suggested.

Meredith nodded before letting her hands drop.

They worked together to clean up the kitchen before trudging upstairs.


	15. wet

Meredith ran the bath, adding her lavender gel. While Addison lit their candles. Once done Meredith walked over to Addie.

"I can't remember the last time we did this." Addie sighed as Meredith began to undo the buttons on Addison's blouse.

"It was 2 months and 13 days ago." Meredith smiled. "The night before you flew out."

Addie sighed. "I cried on the plane."

"I cried in the airport." Meredith admitted.

Addie smiled lightly as she shrugged off her blouse and began to undo Meredith's.

Meredith smiled lightly as she ran her hand over Addison's milky stomach. "It's been so long."

"Let's just forget about everything and be us tonight." Addie said with a smile.

"I think I can do that." Meredith replied as she shrugged out of her blouse.

Addison's hands wandered to Meredith's waist. She undid the button on her jeans and slowly unzipped them. She then helped Meredith out of them completely.

Meredith stepped closer, slipping her hands on Addison's waist. Both rested their heads on each other's shoulders. Meredith's hands followed the top of Addison's skirt to the back, where she unclipped and unzipped the skirt and it fell around Addison's feet with ease.

Meredith shook her head. "You still have too much on."

Addison giggled. "Patience Mer."

"I just..."

"I know sweetie, believe me, I know." Addison whispered as she stepped out of the skirt.

Meredith slipped her fingers into the tops of Addison's stockings. As she did so she lifted her face to Addison's.

Addison lowered her head and captured Meredith's lips. The kiss was soft and delicate and teased their senses. Meredith pulled away so 

she could ease the stockings off of Addison's waist and lowered herself as she rolled the stockings down. On removing them and Addison's panties, Meredith began to kiss her way back up She nuzzled the spot behind Addison's knee before continuing up to the inside of her thigh.

"Oh God" Addison gasped.

"Mmmm" Meredith moaned before she blew hot air across her centre folds. Teasing Addison lightly.

Meredith then continued further up Addison's body, running her tongue over Addison's stomach.

Meredith's hands trailed up Addison's body before she found what she sought out. She skilfully unclasped Addison's bra. She stepped back slowly and stripped it back from her, sliding the bra off her shoulders.

Meredith reached and brushed a hand over Addison's left breast before she lowered her mouth to Addison's right nipple.

Meredith's tongue licked and swirled while her hand still kneaded the other breast.

Addison's breathing shortened and became more ragged. "Mer" she moaned in pleasure.

Meredith switched breasts giving both the same treatment.

Addison pulled on Meredith's shoulders lifting her so that their mouths could meet.

There was so much love in their kiss that Meredith's knees weakened.

Addison felt behind Meredith and unclasped her bra, slipping it off with ease.

Se then stepped back, guiding Meredith into the bath tub.

"You know I love you wet." Addison said seductively.

Meredith giggled as they slid back into the bath tub. Both giving and taking in their shared love. "I love you's " and "Oh Gods" were moaned as each was brought to multiple orgasms by their lover's hands and tongues.


	16. the ring

**Big thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing... keep it up and enjoy the updates**

"Your glowing" Christina commented as she looked Meredith over.

"I do believe the term is bright and shiny." Meredith retorted.

"Girl on girl love... nice... next time can i watch?" Alex asked playfully.

George scoffed and slammed his locker. He threw a disgusted look at Meredith before stalking to the door.

"Bambi's pissed." Christina commented.

"Do not call me Bambi" he snapped. Just as he flung the door open he came face to face with Bailey.

Meredith was shaking her head. She was furious and embarrassed at the same time. Bailey looked from George to Meredith. She could see the pain in Meredith's stance.

Bailey cleared her throat. "Rounds" she ordered.

Meredith slipped her ring off her chain and put it in its original place. She thought of Addison and wished she was with her at that moment.

The interns flooded out the door and Bailey watched Meredith push her feelings aside and straighten up. "Meredith?" Bailey asked.

"I'm fine" she muttered before walking past Bailey.

Bailey caught hold of Meredith's arm and pulled her back. "Don't give me that junk." Bailey told her. "If it keeps up i'll have my say."

Meredith nodded before continuing behind the people who had become her friends.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

Rounds had een slow. Meredith dragged her feet behind the group. Derek and Preston had noticed and aimed to corner Meredith later. Preston was lucky when Meredith was assigned to him. However she continued to round with the others.

It wasn't until they rounded on the post-op patients when they moved onto Carrie Michelson that Meredith was lucky enough to see Addison.

Addison greeted the group with a smile and winked at Meredith who she noticed looked as distracted as she had been yesterday morning.

Meredith delivered the post-op instructions to the group and dropped her head again.

Addison shifted uncomfortably wondering what had happened to Meredith while she was in her meeting with the chief.

Addison looked at Bailey who nodded her head towards the group. Her gaze drifted over the interns and settled on Izzie.

Izzie was standing there with a disinterested look on her face.

"Dr Stevens I'd like you to take over this case. Dr Grey can you please hand her the chart." Addison directed

Meredith looked up at Addison, shrugged and then handed the chart over to Izzie.

Addison smiled. This was going to be fun, she thought to herself.

The group trailed out of the room, Addison followed. She watched as Izzie spoke furiously to George. Both their demeanours were enough to tell Addison who had got Meredith down.

Addison paused a moment. Sheer frustration was over taking her. She watched as they all got their official assignments. Addison watched Meredith push her fringe out of her eyes. It was only now that Addison noticed that Meredith had put her wedding ring on.

Meredith looked up and smiled at Addison.

Addison was relieved to hear that Meredith would be working with Preston.

Meredith approached Addison and kissed her on her cheek. "We'll talk later." She promised before going to find Preston.


	17. whatever

**Big thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing... keep it up and enjoy the updates**

It wasn't until lunchtime that day that Meredith and Addison saw each other again.

Addison went and sat down with Derek and Preston. Both were watching Meredith who was in the line getting lunch.

"Has she talked to you yet?" Addison asked Preston

"Nope" Preston answered before taking a sip of his drink.

"I think her housemates are giving her hard time." Addie told them.

They all turned back and watched Meredith approach her table of interns. As Meredith put down her tray George got up and walked away, he was followed quickly by Izzie.

They watched Meredith slump down into her chair, and she viciously began to attack her salad.

Derek and Preston stood.

"Sit" Addie bossed.

"No one treats our little sister like that." Derek muttered.

"Just sit, she'll handle it. She's already on the verge of giving it to him."

Derek looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Look at her, she's furious and feeling embarrassed. She's on the verge of cracking. Don't interfere. She will handle it." Addie explained.

"But" Preston began.

"No, this is our fight, her fight. Let her handle it."

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith attacked her salad as Christina and Alex looked on.

"What's their problem?" Christina asked.

"My wife" Meredith answered. "Actually no, it's me and the fact that I have a wife. Apparently it's a crime to be with the same sex." She continued furiously pointing her fork.

Alex's eyes danced with amusement.

"So you guys are married?" Christina asked.

"5 Years ago, on a hill in England. They do same sex marriages there, unlike this god forsaken country. She's my wife, defacto, life partner... whatever." Meredith replied.

Alex chuckled

"What's so funny?" Meredith asked. "Does my situation humour you?"

"I'm all for your rainbow Mer, you were happy this morning. Go get yours." He declared pointing over to Addison.

"Go ask how she is handling Barbie." Christina instructed.

"Don't need to." Meredith smirked. "I already know Addison will run her ragged."

"Worried?" Alex asked

"Not in the slightest."

"You could kick them out." Christina suggested.

"Might have to." She answered with a shrug.


	18. slamming

Addison was performing an ultrasound on Carrie Michelson with Izzie looking on.

Addison quizzed Izzie who was obviously lacking in knowledge.

Addison ordered her to continue to watch the foetal monitor before moving to leave the room.

Izzie followed Addison to the door.

"Relax Stevens I'm this hard on everyone. Not just the people who give my wife a hard time." Addie stated before ordering Izzie back to the monitor.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagaagagaggagagaagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

Meredith was changing in the locker room when an awkward silence fell around the room. George had entered.

George went straight to his locker and started casting dirty looks at Meredith.

Meredith at the end of her tether slammed her locker and approached him. "Whats your problem?" she asked.

George looked up in shock.

"What bothers you most that I'm married or that I'm with a woman? As both of them determine that you'd have no chance of getting in my pants." She growled.

Alex, Christina and the others stared in shock.

"Oh fuck it, you wouldn't have stood a chance anyway. I eat boys like you for breakfast. You're a sad and pathetic excuse for a man. You want in my pants. Here have my fucking scrubs. Take your arse away from me before i slam you into the locker cos that's the only way i would slam you." Meredith threw her scrub pants at him. "Oh and get your shit out of my house. Prejudice Pricks aren't welcome."

Meredith turned to the others. "Anybody else with a problem?" she asked, her eyes falling on Izzie.

"No" they answered and then quickly scattered.

Meredith looked to the door and Derek, Preston and Addie were standing there staring at her.

Meredith grabbed her bag and walked to them. "Enjoy the show?" she asked as she reached them. "Gees that felt good." She responded to their smirks. She then took Addison's hand. "Let's hit the bar."

"I'm coming" Christina commented and chased after them.

Alex ran after them too. Happy to join the group.


	19. Joes Booth

The group slipped into a booth with Addison, Meredith and Christina on one side and Derek, Preston and Alex on the other.

"I have to say Mer that was hot." Alex commented.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Actually it kind of startled me." Derek confessed, "It was like seeing a young angry version of mom."

Preston winced, and Addison shot an odd glance at Derek.

"Please let's not go there tonight." Addison warned Derek.

Christina and Alex looked at each other confused.

"Can I just say one thing?" Preston asked.

Meredith sighed and nodded.

"I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Addie was right." He stated.

Addie laughed. "Always am when it comes to My Girl."

"Tequila, scotch, bourbon, beer and what would you like little lady?" Joe asked the gang.

Meredith smiled. "Do you have Martini's here?" she asked

Joe nodded.

"That's what you want hon?" Meredith asked

"Please" Addison responded.

Joe looked between the group curiously.

"Oh sorry Joe, this is Addison." Meredith introduced.

Addison offered her hand and shook his.

"So you two are together?" he asked pointing to Addison and Meredith.

Addison looked at Meredith. "Very much so" Meredith said with a smirk.

"How long?" Joe asked, knowing he hadn't seen her in the bar before

"8 years. Addie's been in New York, that's where we're from." Meredith explained.

Joe nodded. "Hence the new face."

Addison nodded.

"I've been with Walter for 11 years, with breaks." Joe told them with a smile.

"8 years solid." Addie smiled taking Meredith's hand.

"So where's O'Malley and Stevens?" Joe asked.

Alex cleared his throat and shook his head.

"Oh" Joe said picking up on the tension as well as Alex's gestures.

"Yeah, apparently being married to someone of the same sex is an offense." Addie stated clearly.

"Ahhh... I see, so they didn't take the news well." Joe assumed.

"Mer almost kicked Bambi's arse." Christina informed him.

"His ego is hurt because it means I won't sleep with him." Meredith added. "Can we grab those drinks Joe?" she then asked.

"Sure I'll be right back."


	20. comfort food

Hours later Meredith and Addison stumbled through the door. Both had had a fair amount to drink. They were accompanied by Alex and Christina.

"Food" Meredith murmured as they stumbled into the kitchen to find baking. Cup cakes and Muffins were cooling on racks around the room.

"Are we in a bakery?" Addison asked.

"Izzie bakes when she's depressed." Meredith explained.

"Do you want one?" Izzie asked. "They're chock full of love, actually it's cooked with a lot of unrelenting rage, but they're still good."

"Ummm... we're ordering Pizza." Meredith explained.

"Oh ok" Izzie answered.

"You're welcome to join us." Addison offered.

Izzie looked between the four drunks awkwardly. "Ummm sure, I guess."

"Izzie, does my sexuality affect you in anyway?" Meredith slurred, trying to take on a serious tone.

"Ahh... no" Izzie answered.

"Does my wife moving in bother you?"

"No" Izzie replied looking warily at Meredith.

"Good" Meredith said with a drunken nod.

"Oh baby, you really shouldn't try to mix you being serious and you drunk in front of your friend's sweetie. You know what it does to me." Addie slurred with a smirk.

"Whoops sorry honey." Meredith slur giggled. "Hey Ally can you order the pizza's? We're going to get into our jammies." Meredith said with a wink."

Alex nodded.

Christina smirked.

"Shut it Yang!" Alex warned as Meredith and Addison stumbled out of the kitchen.

"What's a matter Ally?" Christina asked.

Izzie laughed. "She's a happy drunk tonight."

"When the person you love is close by, id out you could ever be a miserable drunk." Alex informed her.

"Touching" Christina jibed "coming from you evil spawn."

Izzie laughed

"I'm ordering Pizza's" he grumbled.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

Meredith and Addison came back down stairs 15 minutes later. Both looked rather flushed. Meredith had a pair of flannelette pyjama bottoms on and a tight black t-shirt. While Addie wore satin.

"Pizza is on its way" Alex told them.

Addie nodded.

Christina chuckled.

"Hey Ally" Meredith cheered as she went up and gave him a hug. "You know I love you." She said with a big grin.

Izzie couldn't help but laugh.

"What? I do?" she giggled.

Addie rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, I still love you." Meredith giggled as she went back to Addison.

"Surgery tapes then tea." Christina suggested.

"Sounds good." Izzie answered.

Meredith curled up with Addison on the couch. Alex lay sprawled out on the floor. Christina and Izzie were in the bean bags.

They had chosen to watch Ellis do a skin graft. Only minutes into the surgery the pizza arrived.

"Mer, they didn't get you a cheese pizza." Addie told her as she checked them all.

"She doesn't eat the cheese, she eats the vegetarian." Alex answered.

Addison looked at Meredith who nodded.

"I didn't have to convert you?" Addie asked.

"It was comfort food." Meredith answered with a shrug.

"You ate my Pizza as comfort food?" Addie asked.

Meredith nodded.

The other watched the couple curiously.

"Well at least we'll save money now by sharing." Addie laughed before giving Meredith a soft kiss.

The group turned back to the video, eating pizza and just relaxing.


	21. ellis

Meredith, Alex, Izzie, Christina and George were rounding on their patients. Bailey was leading the group. Meredith, Christina and Alex were all walking together and George and Izzie were walking behind them.

"Good night last night." Ale commented.

"Sure was Ally" Christina stirred.

"I'm glad you guys came back. It was fun." Meredith smiled.

Bailey paused when her pager went off. She looked up and turned to her interns.

"We've got a patient coming up." Bailey told them and they made their way to the elevator.

Meredith had dropped to the back of the group as she visited the vending machine.

"Get your hands off me or I'll report you to the chief." The patient yelled.

Meredith rushed to catch up and froze at the sight of the patient.

"I told you not to bother me at work." The patient directed at her, before Meredith had a chance to duck out of sight. All the other interns turned to look at her.

Bailey sighed.

Richard came up behind them. "I've been paged." He forced a smile in the direction of Bailey as he reached Ellis and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"The orderlies just advised me that she's being aggressive." Bailey informed him.

"Hence them paging me." He filled in.

Richard looked at Bailey's interns. "Where's Meredith?"

Bailey groaned. "Ellis yelled at her and she ducked away."

Richard nodded. "Page Addie when you find her. Yang, i need you to page Burke and Shepherd to room 6325."

Bailey and Yang nodded. "We'll get that done."

"I'll take her from here." Richard informed the group who was surprised that Ellis had calmed down.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

"Sweetie" Addison called as she pushed past the interns that had gathered around the door way to the locker room. Bailey let her in.

Meredith was sitting quietly on the bench. Addison made her way to Meredith's side and sat behind her pulling Meredith into her.

Addison knew that she wouldn't get Merredith to open up about what had happened just yet. So she just sat there and held her.

Bailey turned and began bossing the other interns. "Karev, Shepherd, Stevens, Montgomery, Yang, Burke , O'Malley, Dr Grey."

"You've got to be kidding me." George muttered.

"Excuse me?" Bailey asks.

"She gets her own inter now?"

"I'm talking about the other Grey, patient Grey-Webber."

"Oh" George sighed.

"Go!" Bailey bossed.

George turned and left. "You three go to the pit. They'll page you when they're free."

Bailey then moved into the locker room. "Grey, you're on scut."

Meredith sunk back into Addie's embrace. She didn't really acknowledge Bailey's assignment.

"How is the premmie." Bailey asked Addison.

"I need Derek to consult." Addie answered before kissing Meredith lightly on the head.

"I need a consult a little later." Bailey told her.

Addison looked up and nodded. "I've been waiting for you to ask."

"How?" Bailey asked.

"Miranda, I can spot a pregnant woman from a mile away." Addie quipped.

Bailey nodded. "I will leave you to it."


	22. did you really have to?

After Bailey left, Meredith leaned completely back in Addison's arms.

"Sweetie" Addison said as she felt Meredith slowly letting go. "Are you ok?"

Meredith sighed. "Does everything have to happen all at once?"

"We're in Seattle Mer, It always rains but sometimes it pours." Addie told her.

"I feel sorry for Preston." Meredith sighed.

"We all will deal with this new turn of events." Addie told her.

Meredith went to speak once more but was interrupted by her pager.

Meredith looked to find it was her father.

"Come on sweetie." Addison said warmly.

Meredith stood and turned to look at Addison.

"Come on Mer." Addie gestured again.

Meredith took Addie's hand. Their fingers intertwined. Addie gave her hand a quick squeeze before leading her out of the locker room towards the room holding her mother.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith had remained silent the whole way to the room. When she arrived she was greeted by curious glances as nurses and other doctors watched her enter the room..

Richard was seated next to Ellis holding her hand as he talked to Derek and Preston about the current situation.

Addie closed the door behind them.

Ellis looked between the two of them curiously, before she turned to Richard. "I think it's great that the boys are getting to know each other, but did you really have to encourage Meredith to bring a friend."

"It's ok sweetie, the Chief said he didn't mind as long as they kept out of trouble." Richard excused.

"Now don't either of you go embarrassing me with bad behaviour." She warned Derek and Meredith who both nodded in reply.

There was a small pause. All the kids looked expectantly at Richard.

"Who did Bailey assign?" he asked Addison.

"I think it was O'Malley." She replied.

"Oh great" Derek groaned.

"What?" Richard asked.

"He's been treating Mer like crap since he found out about Addie." Preston explained.

"Meredith?" Richard asked concerned.

"Apparently he had a thing for me." She sighed.

"Do you mind him working with your mother?"

"As long as he remains professional." She decided.

"Alright then, but I want you all to take it easy today and look out for each other."

They all nodded.

"Love you Mum." Derek told her before he stood to leave the room.

"Play nice dear." Ellis told him.

"Bye Ellis." Preston spoke.

"You play nice in the playground too." Ellis warned him.

Meredith sighed. Addison squeezed her shoulder.

"I have to go too mom. I love you."

Ellis looked Meredith over. You need to be a bit tidier. I swear it was a mistake to let Thatcher get you ready for today." She groaned.

Meredith stiffened.

"He makes you look so ordinary."


	23. favors

Meredith had left the room and tried to make herself busy on scut. She couldn't help it that it was a slow day.

"Not now Thatch!" she heard as she walked past her mother's room. The mention of her father's name was enough to make her stop.

George felt her presence and looked up. He didn't really want to admit that he was having problems but he just was curious to who the hell Thatch was.

"Whose Thatch?" he asks as he reaches her side. His arms folded, showing that he was still against her.

"My father, Thatcher Grey." She stammers.

"Oh" he sighs.

"Is she talking about him, cos she never talks about him?" she asked. She was curious but scared.

George just shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Meredith sighed and went back to trying to entertain herself. It wasn't working and she needed to find something to keep her mind off of her mother.

Meredith spots Derek entering the supplies closet and she follows. "Der" she sighs.

Derek looks down at her. Concern etched on his face. He had been worried about Meredith because Ellis and her had parted on bad terms. "You okay?" he asked. "I heard what she said to you this morning."

Meredith shrugged. "Der, Bailey's got me on scut and I'm going crazy. I've never asked you for favours before, but i need this." She finished with a sigh.

"The blushing case in 5326. I have Alex working on her. Help him and you can scrub in." Derek offered.

"Thanks" she smiled.

"Why didn't you ask burke?" Derek asked.

"Christina is with him and she hates sharing cardio." Meredith answers.

"And Alex?"

"is much easier to handle." Meredith replied.

Derek chuckled before kissing Meredith on her forehead. "Keep that chin up."

"Play nice." Meredith replied before walking out.


	24. problems

Meredith ran scut whilst working alongside Alex on the young girl with the blushing problem. Meredith had touched a nerve when she asked the patient whether undertaking such an extravagant surgery was necessary for just a little bit of blushing.

They young girl rolled her eyes. "How would you feel if you couldn't have a secret and thoughts towards any man were clear?"

Meredith sighed. "I'd hate not being able to keep a secret."

"You've mastered that art pretty well." Alex stirred.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

The patient made to speak again, but the sound of a loud crash in the hallway pulled them out.

Meredith and Alex moved to see what was causing the disturbance.

"My work is what counts. It pays for this house... Meredith may think she needs you but i don't ..." Ellis was yelling. Meredith could have sworn she had heard Thatchers name in the mix of things.

A crowd gathered. Alex reached for Meredith but she ducked out of sight pretty quickly. She had in fact returned to her patients room.

"Are you ok?" the young girl asked.

"Isn't that something i am supposed to be asking you?" Meredith replied.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Richard had been called down to Ellis's room where he was informed about her most recent outburst.

"Are you having problems O'Malley?" Richard asked as he looked at Ellis's chart.

"She wont let me examine her sir." George replied.

Richard almost laughed. It was obvious that the young man was having an internal battle.

"What seems to be the problem?" Richard asked.

"She seems to think i am Meredith's father Thatcher." George answered.

Richard looked him over carefully. "come to think of it, you do look a lot like Thatcher." He answered.

"Great" George muttered.

Richard chuckled. "Since you cant handle the patient and are already having conflict with the family. I think it is best that i have you reassigned." Richard couldn't help but smirk. "Report to Dr Shepherd. Ask him to send Karev down here to take over."

George nodded. He hoped that working with the brother was easier than dealing with the mother.

Richard watched George trudge out of the room. He knew that if he knew his children well enough, that Meredith would have talked Derek into letting her scrub in on one of his cases. Which would mean that George would have to put up with both Meredith and Derek. Together they would be a force to be reckoned with. He hoped that George wouldn't be stupid enough to set them both off today. If he did, he definetly would be on the receiving end.


	25. expectations

Addison met up with Meredith in the basement. Christina had told her that this is where she would be hiding.

When Addie found her Meredith had several charts spread out around her and a neurology text book open so she could study for her up coming surgery.

Addie didn't speak but automatically climbed onto the bed next to her.

"So you're scrubbing in with Derek?" Addie noted.

Meredith nodded and looked up from her textbook.

"Karev has been re-assigned to your mother. Apparently George couldn't hack it." Addie informed her.

"I know" Meredith sighed "George is now working with Derek and I. Derek is considering it an early Christmas present."

Addie chuckled.

"I don't think Dad knows about what has been going on with George." Meredith told her.

"When will you realise that your Dad knows most things. He did this on purpose." Addie explained.

"To torture me?" she asked.

"No to torture him." Addie laughed.

Meredith didn't say anything.

"Think of the fun you and Derek could have." Addie encouraged.

Meredith smiled softly. "You would enjoy this wouldn't you?"

"You bet your tiny arse i would." Addie told her.

Meredith couldn't help but laugh.

"That's the sound i wanted to hear." Addie said; her voice filled with love.

Meredith leaned in and kissed Addie softly. "You always find a way to make me smile." She whispered.

"I'm your wife, it's my job." Addie teased.

Meredith sighs and pushes her books away.

Addie thinks she knows what is coming, but is surprised when it doesn't.

"Addie, why wasn't i ever good enough?" she asks.

Addie is thrown by the question. She had expected Meredith to cover her fears and insecurities with intimacy. That is what she usually did.

"Sweetie, i don't know." She sighs. "I don't know why she ever did the things she did or said what she said."

Addie wraps her arms around Meredith.

"I was never good enough." Meredith sighs.

"Maybe it wasn't because you weren't good enough, maybe it was because you were better." Addie suggested.

Meredith leant into Addie's embrace. "It hurts Addie, she hurts me so much."

"I know sweetie i know."

Addie held Meredith close, rocking her like she was a child. Neither were game enough to speak.

Meredith's eyes were closed, she tried to focus on Addie's touch and the love that she feels in her arms.

Addie's hand ran down Meredith's side.

Meredith nudged Addie as she opened her eyes and looked up into Addie's. She twisted her body and moved her hand up to run down Addie's cheek before curling it behind her neck.

Addie dipped her head slightly, capturing Meredith's mouth. She caressed her slowly, taking her time to reassure her that she was loved.

Meredith turned completely and pushed up into Addie, pushing her back and moving Addie so she was laying down.

Meredith made sure Addie was not laying down on any of the charts before she straddled her.

Meredith grinded her hips into Addie's before she pressed herself further into Addie, leaning down to capture her lips. Kissing her more passionately and aggressively.

"Mer" moaned Addie as she pushed her hips up into Meredith's.

Meredith moaned in return, her hand moving up and under Addie's blouse.

Addie tipped Meredith off and laid by her side. Her hand having edged to the base of Meredith's scrub top. Her hadn sliding up and under, caressing Meredith's hip.

Derek cleared his throat as he moved into view.

Meredith tried to ignore him as she inched closer to Addie, her hand moving further up Addie's top.

Derek taps Meredith's shoulder. "Mer, as much as i have wanted to witness girl on girl, my dreams have had my involvement, and well, you're my sister, so this is not right."

Meredith gasps, and Addie blushes.

Meredith had hoped to block him out, but now that he has truly made his presence known she knew that neither Addie or herself would be able to ignore him.

Meredith groans and pulls away from Addie.

Addie sighs and sits up, before she reaches for Meredith and pulls her up into a sitting position.

Meredith pouts and Addie pushes her hair back off of her face.

"Sorry to interrupt." Derek speaks now that he has figured that it is safe too. "But dad was looking for you and Karev pointed me down in this direction."

Meredith groaned.

Addie runs a hand down her side.

"You ok?" he asked warily.

"I was just studying." She grumbles.

"Is that what it was? I should have tried that excuse out more with Dad. You might have gotten away with it, but i doubt i would have." He replied with a smirk.

Meredith shoots him a dirty look. "What did he want?"

"You obviously." He answers smugly.

"Well?" she asks.

"He wants to see you." Derek sighs.

"Are you and Pres. Going to be there?" she asked.

"Nope" Derek answers. "I think he wants a daddy daughter moment."

Meredith rolls her eyes.

"and no you can't pull the 'you're not my father' crap that you pulled when you were 14, and Addie has patients to see." Derek warned.

"I don't have a patient." Addie interrupted.

"Yeah, Bailey, apparently she mentioned it earlier." Derek fills in.

Addie smirks. "Oh yeah, i remember. When does she want it?"

"Now" Derek replied with an inquisitive look.

"I'm going" she tells him. Addie pushes off of the bed and turns back to Meredith. She gives her hand a quick squeeze before leaning in to give her a quick kiss. "Page me if you need me." She whispers.

Meredith nods. She couldn't help but sigh as she watches Addie walk away.

"Off you trot." Derek gestures.

Meredith glares at him.

"For what it's worth Mer, i get that this sucks for you." Derek sighs before resting a hand on her shoulder.

Meredith shrugs it off before standing. "Der" she sighs. "I love you, i do. But i doubt that you do." She tells him before she turns and walks away.


	26. broken pt 1

Addie reaches Maternity and pages Bailey to a private room.

Bailey having been already on the floor waiting for Addie's page, was there in seconds.

Addie smiles as Bailey enters the room.

"So Shepherd found you two making out in the tunnels?" Bailey opens.

"What? No!" Addie answers and she can't help but blush.

"So Alex was right. You were lucky Shep came down. I think Alex would have wanted to watch." Bailey added.

Addie can't help but be embarrassed. "Where here about you and your baby, not me and my wife." Addie hurries.

Bailey laughs.

"Ok, OK. So we got caught be Derek and his smart arse comments about fantasies." Addie quipped. "But enough about me, let's talk about this baby you are carrying."

Bailey nodded, accepting the change of topic. "Ok, well if i am right i am about 3 months along. I know i should have seen someone earlier but i wanted you to do it. If Meredith wasn't walking around like a lost puppy i would have pressed her to get you here."

Addie nods in understanding.

"So, i usually collect the patients details and medical history before i do the scans, but because it is you, i'm going to start with the scans."

Bailey grumbled a "fine".

"Now i usually do the initial examination with the wand, but since you're 3 months along, i think it's safe to say that we can just do the normal abdominal ultrasound."

Bailey climbed up onto the examination tale. "Let's get this done."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"You wanted to see me?" Meredith asks when she finds her father loitering at the 3rd floor nurses station.

"Come with me" he sighs.

Meredith rolls her eyes and follows him all the way to his office.

He opens the door and gestures for her to enter.

Meredith does so reluctantly.

"Talk to me Mer." He encourages.

Meredith sighs.

"Meredith, you can pretend all you want, but i know you, and i know that you are hurting."

Meredith moved to look out the window.

"Meredith" he said again.

"Dad" Meredith groans.

"I know it's not easy, especially for you."

Meredith sighs.

"Mer" he groans.

"It's just..." she trails off.

He places a hand on her shoulder. "She never accepted you're decisions and she didn't get to know you."

"She didn't try." Meredith grumbles.

"No she didn't, and there is no real reason for it." He tells her. "despite the love i have for your mother, she has her faults, and one of them was you."

Meredith looks at him in shock and steps back.

"Not like that." He hurries. "she was never there for you like she was with Derek. Her fault is not being there for you. For choosing everything else over you."

"I'm defective" Meredith sighs.

"No Mer, you are not." He tells her as he turns her around.

"Thatcher didn't want me and neither did she." Meredith tells him, and a tear escapes her.

"I wanted you, Derek wanted you, and Preston wanted you, and the most important is Addie, she loves you and wants you."

Merediths shoulders begin to shake.

"What's wrong with me dad? Why couldn't they love me?" she sobbed.

He moved quickly and pulled her into his arms.

"There's nothing wrong with you Mer. Nothing at all. They just didn't know what they had, and the sad thing is, they never will."

He continues to hold her, letting her cry on his shoulder. He fought his emotions internally. It was killing him to see Meredith so broken. At this moment, as he held his step-daughter. He couldn't help but hate his wife for the damage she had done.


	27. broken pt 2

**This update is for Rullerofallevil who had requested it... sorry i dont update often**

"So your baby looks fine." Addie smiled.

Bailey beamed

"It looks like we're going to have a mini you running around in 6 months time." Addie joked.

Bailey moved off of the bed.

"So i'm recommending you take these vitamins and to start to slow down a little. Remember you're housing a person." Addie told her.

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"On another subject" Addie continued "How has she really been?"

Bailey sighed. "She has buried herself in her work . She has wanted her room mates out on many occasions, but has put up with them. She's been a ghost of herself. But she is the one to beat." Bailey told her.

Addie sighed. "I still don't get why she wanted to come out here. She could have walked into any program back home."

Bailey looked at Addie. "The girl needs her family Addie. Even if she wont admit it. This has been killing her."

"The distance or our relationship?" Addie asked confused.

"The distance and her relationship with her mother" Bailey answered. "You know i did my internship under Ellis , just before she got sick. Ellis spoke to Meredith worse that she did her interns. That girl has been broken for a long time Addie, it's only now that it's starting to show." Bailey explained.

Addie groaned "I didn't really think i could hate her anymore than i already did. I mean she never really approved of Meredith and I."

"Yeah well, great surgeons are not always great mothers." Bailey sighed.

"Hence why she has been reluctant about us having kids." Addie stated.

Bailey went to say something , but was cut off by the pager. She sighed and looked down at it. She moved to the door before turning to look back at Addie. "Just give her time, that's all she'll need."

Addie shrugged. "I don't know how much time we have left."

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith pulled back from Richard. He wiped the tears from her eyes. "You are one of the best things in my life Mer. I'll tell you everyday if it makes you feel better."

Meredith's shoulders dropped

"Now are you keeping busy?" he asked

Meredith nodded. "Der has let me in on one of his surgeries."

"Are you able to stay focused?" he asked with great concern.

"yeah, i just... i've been... i don't know." She sighed.

"We will get through this Mer. I know it's tough." He reassured her.

Meredith nodded.

"Now you better go get yourself cleaned up and back on the surgical floor. I have to go sit with your mother before heading off to surgery." He told her, and he only wished that he didn't have to.

Meredith sighed.

"I love you Mer." He whispered before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

_**Wake up to a sunny day  
not a cloud up in the sky,  
**_

_**then it starts to rain  
My defenses hit the ground, And they shatter all around.  
So open and exposed.**_

I found strength in the struggle. Face to face with my trouble.

Chorus  
When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in your self. When you're broken.

Little girl don't be so blue, I know what you're goin through. Don't let it beat you up. Heaven knows that getting scars only makes you who you are...only makes you who you are.

No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking...yeeeaaaahhh

Chorus  
When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in yourself. When you're broken.

Bridge  
Better days are gonna find you once again every piece will find its place!

Chorus  
When you're broken in a million little pieces and you're tryin but you cant hold on anymore. Every tear falls down for a reason. don't you stop believin in your self When you're broken.


	28. bump

**This update is for my stalker – you know who you are!!**

Richard met up with Addison on her way to the gallery to watch Meredith scrub in with Derek and George. She walked with him quietly and was waiting for him to open up to her about his meeting with Meredith.

It wasn't until they were seated alone in the gallery that he opened up. "Our girl is feeling quite fragile right now." He sighed as they both looked down at her.

Addison shifted nervously. "I really don't know why it is hurting her more now than it was before." She replied.

Richard put his arm around his daughter in law. She moved to rest her head on his shoulder. "I guess, she is still the young girl with the pink hair, waiting for her mother's approval. Problem is now she won't ever get it. That's why it hurts more."

Addison and Richard sat there in silence. Addie was sitting there deep in thought. She was thinking over the conversation that she had had with Bailey earlier in the exam room. "Dad", she began, "do you think she will ever be ready for us to take the next step?"

Richard looked at Addison "You mean kids?" he asked.

Addison nodded.

"I think she will be soon. There's just so much that she still needs to deal with. She needs to do that before she can tackle anything more."

Richard's gaze returned to the surgery below. "So i shouldn't push?"she asks warily.

"No" he sighs.

He watches as Meredith moves forward to look at what Derek is doing. She then steps back before George hurries forward, side bumping her on his way.

Richard moves angrily as he watches how George casts a dirty look towards Meredith, who had stumbled from the impact.

"What's the deal with George?" he asks Addison with a growl.

"He's not happy that Meredith is Married and to a girl no less." Addison informed him. "I think he felt that he might still have had a chance when he thought that she was straight. I don't get it, because he knew that she was in a serious relationship. That was something she couldn't hide. We were on the phone day and night."

Richard sighs. "Has she said anything to him?" he asks, wondering if Meredith has a leg to stand on if she liked to place a harassment complaint.

Addison nods. "He had been treating her like shit all day the other day and well she yelled at him and called him a prejudice prick. That was when she kicked him out."

Richard nods as he watches George step back and again push through Meredith, sending her crashing into a nurse.

He watches as Derek's stance tightens with his anger, and he knows that he needs to do something now.

Derek looks up from what he is doing and Richard knows that it is time to intervene before Meredith lashes out and Derek looses all focus and flies at George.

Addison sits up, and both move to stand at the same time. "Follow me." Richard tells her and they both move from the gallery.

They reach the scrub room as Meredith steps away from George. Richard and Addison quickly grab a scrub mask, and enter the room.

"Dr Shepherd, sorry to intrude but i wish to remove Dr O'Malley from this surgery. His behaviour in the O.R. is very inappropriate." Richard states, and Derek nods.

Addison moves to Meredith's side. "Are you ok?" she asks. She can see the pain in Meredith's eyes, and yet Meredith still nods.

"I'm fine" she chokes out.

Addison sighs and gives her shoulder a squeeze. She would kiss her if she could.

"Dr Webber" Derek speaks up. "Can you please keep Dr O'Malley with you until i am finished here? I wish to speak with him."

Richard can see the anger in his son's eyes and simply nods. "I can do that" he replies, and secretly hopes that Derek puts George well and truly in his place.

Addison steps back from Meredith and returns to follow Richard and an unhappy George out of the O.R.


	29. condemned

**This is for 'B'**

Richard went directly to his office, Addison followed quickly and George plodded along behind them without a care in the world.

On reaching his office he flung the door open and ordered George inside. Addison had already entered and was now sitting on the couch, watching the events unfold.

"Your behaviour in that O.R. was unprofessional and i wont stand for it." Richard opened, only causing George to roll his eyes.

"How dare you treat anyone in that manner, pushing through people? I would love to know what Dr Grey has done to you, but nothing could clearly justify your actions." He states. "You could have bumped the O.R. table or Dr Shepherd as he was working." Richard growled "Then not only would you have been getting put on harassment charges for your behaviour towards Dr Grey, but you would also be facing a lawsuit."

George stood there partially listening to him droan. He waited until after the Chief took a break before he decided to speak up. "Aren't you embarrassed by your daughter?" he asked.

Richard glared at him, and Addison stood defensively.

"I mean she flirts, she obviously is only here because of you and well she is gay." George continued. "You would have been shocked right?"

"You don't know anything about her" Addison said as she started to walk towards him, Richard cutting her off by stepping in front of him.

"Your behaviour is unprofessional, and i would love to know how Dr Greys life affects you at all?" Richard asked.

George stood there and looked closely at Richard.

"This should be good" Addison said quietly. "Do tell how my wife's life affects you."

George looked over at Addison and back to Richard. " There marriage is not legally binding in America. That is because our government frowns upon it. Do you want to know why? Because god frowns upon it" he said sternly. "I have been raised with a very strong Catholic upbringing. I considered Meredith an Angel and she let me fall in love with her. Yet she lives in sin. If God wanted women to be with women why in the hell did he make men?" George asks as he looks at Richard.

Richard folded his arms and looked George over. "Are you telling me that you fell in love with my daughter?" he asked concerned.

George reluctantly nodded.

"She did not hide that he was in a serious long term relationship from you. So how can you fall in love with someone so obviously unattainable?" Addison piped up. She couldn't help but be curious.

George refused to look at Addison. "I deserve her." He said in a shaky voice. "You've condemned her to hell." He then shifted slightly "and you Chief went after a married woman , so at least she won't be lonely there."

Richard's eyes grew wide and looked at the man in anger. "You not get to judge me or my family, when you don't know what the hell you are talking about."

Addison moved forward and rested a hand on her father in laws shoulder. "You have been very unprofessional today, and your personal values, your religious upbringing, does not justify your actions." Addison said firmly.

"Your not the chief." George mumbled.

"No, but i am." Richard spoke. "and i do agree with her. Your actions in the O.R. were very dangerous and i will not stand for it. If you can't take the news amicably and you are going to continue this tirade around this hospital pushing people and being rude then i don't think i can keep you here. So i'm going to give you an out. You can either transfer to another hospital willingly, exiting this program, or i will remove you." Richard said firmly. "I do not wish for you to remain a member of this staff, so you can choose how you leave."

George looked at him. "You can't do that."

Addison smirked. "He just did oh holy one."

"I expect a decision by the end of the day. As for now, you need to remain here because you're attending wishes to speak with you." Richard stated.

George reluctantly nodded and moved to the couch.

"Addie, go wait for Meredith, she's going to need you." Richard sighed.

Addie nodded and kissed him softly on the cheek.

Once she had left, Richard returned to his chair behind his desk, contemplating George's words as he waited for Derek.


	30. war of words

**I supply on demand pps... This is for B – who keeps me sane and demands my updates lol. Enjoy cos i am winging it tonight – in other words – i haven't written this down anywhere on paper. Lol**

George had not been surprised when Derek entered the Chiefs office looking very angry, but he was surprised to see that Preston had joined him.

Richard quickly stood and moved out from behind the desk.

"Boys" he said sternly, not wanting either of them to lash out at George.

Derek didn't look at Richard and continued to zone in on George. Preston stood back with his arms crossed.

George stood. He was not going to cop any of this sitting down.

"Dr Shepherd." He said quietly.

"No, right now I am not Dr Shepherd, and you are not Dr O'Malley. Right now, you are the chump who thinks it's his god given right to fuck with my sister." Derek said fiercely.

George looked stunned and then looked towards the Chief to see if he was going to intervene.

"Who do you think you are?" Derek asked as he moved forward and was getting in George's face. "You have no idea what she has been through, what this has done to our family, or how great it is that she even got to where she is."

George stood frozen, he didn't know what to say or do. " Ummm... " he began but couldn't continue as he couldn't find the right words.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Derek asked as his hands balled into fists.

Preston stepped forward and put a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Maybe we should let him explain himself." He suggested.

"What is there to explain? That he accidentally has been a prick to her from the day he found out that she was gay. That he condemned her to hell, as Addie so gracefully told us, or the fact that our little sister, who is already having the day from hell left my O.R. on the brink of tears because she was humiliated by this dick head." Derek replied.

"Der, step back." Preston encouraged, and pulled on his shoulder.

Derek didn't want to, but only did when his father stepped in and pulled him back.

"Derek" Richard sighed, "You need to step back and reprimand him as a doctor, not thump him as a brother defending his little sister."

Preston moved forward and adjusted his glasses. "What are his options?" he asked his father.

George looked at him confused.

"How can Dr Shepherd punish Dr O'Malley for his behaviour within the walls of his O.R.?" Preston asked.

"Well Dr Burke, he has already been given the option of transferring, or being fired. I am waiting for his decision. So either way, there isn't a lot that Dr Shepherd can do, because soon Dr O'Malley will no longer be an intern at Seattle Grace." Richard replied.

Preston nodded and pursed his lips.

"Well in that case, i suggest that he answer that question now, so i can revert back to being the big brother." Derek said angrily.

Richard sighed.

George shifted. "I... ummm... I... am sorry for today... i... would like to stay a surgeon... so i guess i will... ummmm... transfer." He finished. It was obvious that he was quite nervous that he was alone in the presence of all 3 men who were Meredith's family.

"Good" Richard said as he moved back to stand behind his desk and gathered the papers he had written up. "You have a selection of Seattle Presbyterian, Mercy west, and IOWA General." Richard informed him. "They are the only ones that will accept an intern at the moment."

George sighed. "Ummm... what happens until my transfer goes through?" he asked.

"You will be suspended until then. I do not wish to have you within the four walls of this hospital any longer." Richard said somewhat aggressively.

George nodded. "Well i guess Seattle Presbyterian is closest to where home is, so i will transfer there."

Richard nodded and finished filling out the paper work.

George stood nervously in front of Derek and Preston.

"Now that is sorted, may I ask why you have been so out right rude, and nasty towards our sister? I once thought that you were a decent man, and my mother raised me to be one, and my step mother raised me not to judge a book by its cover. So do tell what dirty little secret has you acting so maliciously." Preston said. He couldn't hide his curiosity, and as much as he would love to see Derek deck him, or to do the decking himself he knew his father would be forced to either suspend them, or pull them before the board.

George eyed him nervously. "She's She's gay." He said quietly. It was obvious that he was still scared that Derek was going to hit him.

"Thanks for stating the obvious, but i still don't see why that is a reason." Preston said, while Derek paced in the back ground. He hated how Preston took the political approach to things.

George shook his head, "You wouldn't understand." He told them as he looked to the ground.

"Try us, after all she is our baby sister. We know more about her and this situation than you do." Preston said firmly.

George looked up at him. "Why are you being nice to me?" he asked.

"Well as much as i would love to beat the hell out of you, i understand the repercussions of my actions, unlike you. Therefore, while you are still employed at this hospital, it's easier to handle things this way." Preston replied, as he shifted and crossed his arms across his chest.

Richard looked up curiously. He always knew that Preston approached things differently to Derek, but it was always interesting to see the differences.

"Well, i knew she was with someone else, but i still liked her. I liked her a lot, and her being with a woman is such a ..." George trailed off.

"What; A slap in the face, a punch in the guts? You can tell us." Preston spoke honestly.

"It was a slap in the face." George groaned.

"You mean it was a wakeup call that you were lusting after someone who was not only unavailable, but also playing a completely different ball game." Derek spoke with a mocking face. "Even when Mer was with guys, she would never have gone for you. Wake up and smell the coffee man."

"Way to belittle the man." Preston sighed. "Look, you think it was bad for you. Imagine how it felt for the guy who was engaged to Addison when they met, imagine what it felt for the guy who had been dating Meredith on and off through high school. You think it was a slap to your face. Their relationship has crossed many roads, and has upset many people, and you think it's your right to treat her like shit. For god sakes, think about the guys they have left behind."

George looked at them shocked. "Addison was engaged? That would have sucked to have been the fiancé."

"Yeah" Derek said. "You're looking at him."

George's eyes widened. "You were the fiancé?" he asked Preston.

"No, I was." Derek replied. "And if i can still love and appreciate them both, then whats that say about you?" he snapped.

"My little sister stole my fiancé right out from underneath me. Heck i knew that she wasn't right for me anyway, but still you have no idea how it felt or what it did to this family, and yet, all 3 of us love and support them both, because it's obvious to everyone who knows them that they were meant to be together. Have you actually ever stopped and just watched them. I wasn't angry because that woman, Addison Forbes Montgomery is the love of my sister's life. She puts a smile on her face, and that is a rarity in itself. So you need to back the fuck up, and actually consider what it's like for everybody else and not just you." Derek told him in exasperation.

"Not to mention Connor, Meredith's boyfriend. He should have known, but it was something that was unexpected of both of them. It just happened and they are happy." Preston said, "and Connor, well he turned right around and started batting for the same team too."

George looked at them in shock.

"Look i am a man of spirituality. I believe in many things most Doctors don't, and still i believe that it doesn't matter what sexuality you are, God will not condemn you to hell for loving someone. So you should not have done that, you are not God, and i don't see him having really lashed out at them. You are not a priest, and you are not his word." Preston said. It was obvious that he was rather sure of himself.

"But its a sin." George finally exclaimed.

"And you are the ultimate sinner." Derek said firmly.

George looked at him confused.

"You want to preach to us about how God looks at things, then consider how he would feel about your behaviour, your actions towards Meredith. He tells us to Love thy Neighbour, and even though you say you love her, your actions towards her say otherwise. You are scared of something that is different. Or you are scared of something that you feel makes you less of a man. Either way, he would not have approved of your actions." Derek told him in a rather cold manner.

"I am not a religious man, but my step mother pushed me to be one who at least understood Gods opinions, maybe you need to return to your church, it seems like you need to brush up on a few things." Derek continued. He knew that he was hitting this devout Catholic, who probably was made to go to church every Sunday as a little boy, whom prayed with every meal, and was at confession once a week, right below the belt.

George looked flabbergasted.

"Alright boys, enough beating around with the bible." Richard cut in. "George you need to sigh here, and i will call you and notify you when 

you start. As of now you are suspended from Seattle Grace Hospital."

George stepped forward and signed the form. He then turned and looked nervously at Preston and Derek. He had been raised to not pick a fight he knew he couldn't win, but he could not help himself. As he turned and walked towards the door he nodded to both boys. "You can twist the wording of the bible, and the teachings of the church all you want, but it still doesn't change the fact that what your sister is doing is a sin, and she will be going to hell." He said firmly.

Preston went to step forward, but stopped as he watched as Derek moved quickly and punched George firmly in the face.

George dropped to the ground hard and fast. Derek shook his hand in pain.

Preston smirked a little, while Richard moved forward and started to look at Derek's hand not concerned with George clutching at his face.

"I told you my way is the easiest." Derek said to Preston, who was shaking his head.

"You broke my nose." George cried, his hands covered in blood.

"Good, maybe that will teach you to shut your trap." Preston said, as he opened the door to the office, and called for Patricia.

"Trish, can you please see that an intern cleans him up, and then have security escort him to collect his things before removing him from the premises." Richard asked with a small smile.

He couldn't help but give Derek a pat on the back as Patricia moved in and escorted George from the room. "Good to see you put your weight behind it son." He said with a grin. "Now lets get an ice pack on that hand."


	31. changes

**Decided i am no longer going to write before i type this fic, so everything is just going to flow as i type... and if you get demanding for more, i can write on demand, rather than having to fish around for the updates i had planned lol. Enjoy**

Meredith was lying in Addison's arms. The emotions of the day's events creeping up on her and knocking her over as if she was a rock being beaten by the vicious waves of a stormy sea.

Addison had caught Meredith on her way out of the scrub room. She had led her to the on call room, before letting Derek know what had happened between Richard and George. After he had left she had stayed by Meredith's side. She caressed her cheek and ran her fingers through her hair. She had whispered words of love and reassurance to help sooth her, hoping that the walls that she had quickly built, would slowly wear down, and she would open up.

Meredith's mind spun with the vicious words that Ellis had said to her in the past. With the words that George had been beating her spirit with. She felt like she was drowning, and the only thing keeping her from dying was the fact that Addie was there for her. Breathing for her, and helping her to keep swimming.

Meredith wondered now, for the first time in a long time, how easy it would be to just let her drown. Addie would be able to move on from her. She would be able to stand life without her, but if 

anything were to happen to Addie, Meredith knew that she might as well have died with her.

Tilting her head, Meredith looks up at Addison, at her delicate features and porcelain skin. She had never imagined ever being in love with a woman, or being in a relationship as she was now. She knew that things may have been easier in her life if she had chosen to stay with Connor. They had both been hiding there feelings for other people. For people of the same sex, as well as the alternative. Meredith wasn't gay, even though her marriage to another female, would be stipulating such things, she was in quite very much a bi sexual being, and had once found the pleasure of a man, the most important thing in the world.

But now... Meredith sighed, she was completely in love with the person holding her, and her world would not be right if they weren't in this relationship. Yet it is easy to wonder what life would have been like if she had taken the easy road, and not shared a bed with Addison. If she had not fallen for her brothers fiancé, if she had not fueled her mother's hatred for her further by being with a woman, and her brothers fiancé no less.

Things would have been completely different, that is one thing Meredith knew for sure, and maybe different is what they both needed. But Meredith had no idea what different should be, and how it would affect their relationship. Maybe it was there moving further with their relationship, looking to have the child that she had been dancing past every time Addie had mentioned it, or maybe 

it was the bringing in of a male to spice up their relationship, a bit of kinky sex could always be different. Or maybe, Meredith thought, but not really wanted to consider, maybe they should take a break from each other and the life they had made. But that was definetly not something she had in the cards. She knew it would break Addie's heart, and it would personally destroy her.

Addie shifted, and looked down at Meredith. She had been able to feel her gaze upon her for a while now, and knew that Meredith had been lost deep in thought. It had always worried her when Meredith was as pensive as she was right now. It usually meant change, not always a change that would be for the better of their relationship, but it was a change that they would encounter, and continue through.

Addie ran a hand up Meredith's side and brushed over her cheek, before she brought her thumb up over her lips, stroking them with the love and tenderness that was so typically them. "What are our options?" Addie ventured, knowing that she may be lucky enough to receive an answer.

Meredith's eyes focused on Addie's and she moved and captured Addison's thumb in her mouth. She ran her tongue over it before she sucked on it lightly. She watched as Addie's eyes widened. She knew that Addie wanted a response.

Meredith thought back to her options, what things she had considered, and decided that it would be as easy as giving Addie the 

same options as she had thought of herself. The more she considered it, the more she leaned towards the baby idea. It was something that Addie wanted, and she knew that it was something that would be a change, that would be not only for the benefit of their relationship, but it would be something that she could love, and she knew she would love unconditionally.

Meredith looked up at Addie, and released her thumb. She shifted so she was straddling Addie's body, looking down upon the person that held her heart. "Well, we can either spice things up." Meredith said quietly, "and bring in a third party."

She watched as Addie screwed up her face to that idea. She knew neither of them would be able to handle someone else touching them.

"Or we could do that thing that you've been wanting to do for so long. We could have a baby." She suggested shyly.

Addie's eyes widened in surprise. This was something that she had been hoping to talk about with Meredith, but with the recent events, didn't think she would have a chance in hell.

"I mean, it would be a change for us. It's another step that you have been wanting us to take. A step that will lead us into mother hood. To someone we can both love and adore, and i know for sure, they will love you." Meredith reasoned.

"And you." Addie said with a smile.

"Yeah, and me." Meredith whispered.

Addie looked up at Meredith. She could still see the sadness in her eyes. She knew there was a third option. There was always a third option that never got mentioned, but she didn't really want to hear it. The day the third option got a mention would be the day that Addie knew it would be the end of their road.

Addie raised her arm, and her fingers gripped the back of Merediths neck as she pulled her down in a kiss. "A baby Mer." Addie said quietly.

Meredith nodded, "our baby... if you want." She sighed.

Addie smiled and kissed Meredith again. "Do you even have to ask."

Meredith shrugged and leant into her, laying along Addison as she moved to deepen their kiss. When all else failed to cheer Meredith up, their togetherness always gave it a spark.

They were getting very into each other, hands wandering up shirts, very much in a similar manner to how Derek had found them earlier. But this time when the person entered the room to disrupt them, it wasn't Derek, instead it was one father, who did not need to see the moment playing out in front of him, so instead of disturbing them himself, he moved out of the room, and sent in one of Meredith's Allies.

"Ok Girl on girl is so not my thing, but your dad needs to speak with you. Oh and you brother kind of rocks, i mean he broke Bambi's nose. Thats kinda cool, and hot." Christina said as she stuck her head into the on call room, causing Meredith to stop and look up at her.

"Derek broke George's nose?" Addie asked as she looked up at Christina.

"Yeah, and your dad gave him a pat on the back, so my shout for drinks tonight. But like i said, your dad kind of wants to speak to you, so hands out of each others pants, and off to his office, cos he has already walked in, but was too scared to disturb you." Christina added.

Meredith groaned, and climbed off of Addie, helping to pull her up into sitting position. "This ought to be good." She whispered to Addie.

"Dont worry sweetie we can finish this off later" Addie promised.

Meredith sighed and kissed her once more as she stood and pulled Addie up with her. She would have preferred to have gotten some action undisturbed than to be getting promised later, yet again by the one person who could deliver.


	32. something bigger

**Here is to keeping my stalker happy**

Meredith's head was a whirl pool of thoughts. She could not believe that she had just suggested to Addison that they were ready to have a baby. That was the biggest thing that was whirling through her head. She of all people had suggested that they have a baby.

Meredith had known that Addie was ready to suggest it again. She had been watching her in the nursery, gushing over the babies. She knew that Addie's biological clock was ticking, and that she was slowly getting eager for it to happen. But that didn't stop her from wanting to freak out.

Addison walked with Meredith, she could sense the impending freak out, but knew that she Meredith would not go back on her word, now that she had suggested it. That was one thing that she loved about her relationship with Meredith, once either of them had promised the other something, they were never game enough to back out. Kind of like the wedding that they had, she had suggested it, and once Meredith warmed to the idea and said yes, neither was game enough to back out, no matter how much they were freaking out.

Meredith gave Addie's hand a squeeze as she approached the Chief's office. She didn't really know what to expect, or what had triggered the visit. However, she was thinking that maybe it had something to do with Derek hitting George.

Addie stopped and knocked on Richard's door, before she opened it, and let Meredith enter the room. She was not sure whether she should stay, but figured that if all else failed; Richard would ask her to leave. These days that didn't happen often, but you never know what to expect.

Meredith moved into the room, her eyes focused on the ground. Addie moved with her, but stopped short of Richard's desk. Derek and Preston were sitting on the couch, and Derek had an icepack on his hand.

"Dr Grey" Richard opened. "I thank you for not lashing out during the time that Dr O'Malley was harassing you within the O.R. You carried yourself tremendously well under the circumstances, and i am proud to know that i can trust that no matter what situation you may find yourself in , you will be able to maintain a professional stance within the operating room. "

Meredith looked up, she was confused by what her father was trying to say. "What?" she asked.

"I am telling you Mer," Richard sighed, "That i am proud of you for not retaliating, and that i know that i can trust you as a doctor to stay professional at all times."

Meredith just shrugged. "If i retaliated, i would have ran a risk of endangering the patient, and screwing with Derek's surgery. Not two things i would want to do, Derek would have killed me, and you would be receiving a malpractice lawsuit, and i would be out of a job."

Richard nodded. "I'm still proud of you baby girl." He told her, as he moved out from behind his desk.

Meredith didn't say anything.

Addie sighed, and moved to stand by her. "You are allowed to be proud Mer." Addie told her as she wrapped her arms around her.

"There isn't much to be proud about Addie. I let a mean person walk all over me, and push me around." She said quietly. "It resulted in me feeling upset, and Derek busting his hand. Nothing to be proud of."

Addie gave her side a squeeze. "It is Mer, because like you said, you could have put the patient in danger."

Meredith rolled her eyes. She knew Addie meant well, but at the moment all she could think of was the events of today. "I just... i just need a break." She finally said before she turned to walk away.

"Mer are you alright?" Addie asked as Meredith walked towards the door.

"No, no i'm not alright." Meredith sighed, as she opened the door and walked out.

"What was that?" Derek asked. He was confused by what had just happened.

"I have no idea." Addie sighed, but figured that once she got changed she would go find her and ask her.

"I think that was Mer admitting that she just needs a rest from it all." Preston sighed as he stood and moved towards his father.

"Maybe, or maybe she is fighting something bigger." Richard sighed, remembering one of the phases Meredith had gone through when she was at high school.


	33. exhausted tears

**Here is to keeping my stalker happy**

Meredith sat out in the rain. The water soothing her and washing away the tears that she was currently crying. Meredith had always liked the rain for what it symbolised. A cleansing of the soul. The cleansing of what was ripping us apart.

Meredith's body was hunched over, and she was looking out into the nothingness that was the east side car park. She had no idea what she was going to do, but she knew that the pain that was ripping through her was not going to go away over night.

Addie watched her from the window. She knew that Meredith was washing away the tears that she was crying, but she was worried that Meredith would soon get sick from this. Moving out side, she slowly walked towards the bench that Meredith was slumped over on.

"Mer" Addie sighed. "Meredith"

Meredith's shoulders shook as she cried a little harder.

"Dont" she sobbed, "just don't"

Meredith stood and moved off the bench towards Addie.

"Oh Mer." Addie sighed.

"My mother is exhausting, and George is exhausting, but sometimes, sometimes loving you can be the most exhausting..." Meredith cried. "I don't know if i can do it anymore."

Addie looked at her in shock.

Meredith stepped forward and pressed a kiss to Addie's lips.

"I'm sorry Addie." She cried, and then she turned and ran, running to a destination that she knew not of.

Addie stood there frozen to the spot. She couldn't believe what Meredith had just said. She was unsure of what it meant. But the one thing she knew was that it hurt like hell.


	34. uncertainty

**For B!**

Meredith had no idea what she was doing or where she was going. All she knew was that she couldn't stay here. She couldn't be in this place and love that person without jeopardising what was left of her spirit. She loved Addie, and she knew that she couldn't live without her. Addie was her oxygen. She needed her to live, but she didn't know how she could with her.

She felt bad. She had left Addie standing their confused. She was completely at a loss of what she should do. Her words kept running through her head. _"My mother is exhausting, George is exhausting and sometimes loving you is exhausting. I don't know if i can do it anymore."_

She hadn't meant the words how she thought Addie would have taken them, but she wasn't sure what she could do about it.

Addie on the other hand, looked broken and at a complete loss for words. She wasn't sure what Meredith meant by "I don't know if i can do it anymore." It could have applied to any number of things. It could have been the George issue. She hadn't given her father a chance to tell her that Geore would no longer be working at Seattle Grace Hospital.

Addie didn't know if the words had been in reference to her mother, and finally giving in on the fight for her mother's approval.

The last option was what was killing her, as she stood staring into the nothingness. The thought that Meredith was saying that she couldn't love her anymore. Addie feared that this one was it. It was the one that had her knees buckling out from underneath her, making her want to sit on the cold wet concrete in the rain.

Meredith walked around, still without purpose and direction. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't 'not' be with Addie. The thought alone had her heart aching She needed to find a resolve. She needed to be able to see how they can be, despite the other stuff, that was wearing her thin.

Meredith found a seat on the harbour, and looked out at the ferry boats. It was a treacherous thing to be out on the harbour at night. An amazing time when people fell off ferry boats when an unexpected wave knocked the ferry boat around. Sometimes they feel, and at other times, she suspected that they jumped.

Meredith wondered what these people must have experienced to make them commit such a terrible act. To take one's life. To willingly drown. There had to be something more messed up then what she had been experiencing.

Meredith sat there... quite content just to sit, and watch the raging sea as the waves continued to crash into the ferry boats as they made their journey across the Seattle waters.

Addie was at a loss of what to do. She finally built up the move to just go home, to get out of her wet salmon coloured scrubs and just go. Home, was the place that she shared with Meredith. Home, was Meredith, and yet tonight for the first time in a long time, she was going to a home with uncertainty. Uncertain that Meredith was going to be there, uncertain that she was ever going to be there again.

Pulling herself out of her misery, she trudged back inside to shower and change.

Meredith on the other hand, valued the cold, and the rain, after her lengthy walk and the time sitting at the harbour. She may have been soaking wet, but she seemed to have gained some clarity. She knew that she had no intention of leaving Addie. She had made a vow, and those were things she never liked to break. She had no intention of putting herself into a position where she was going to be alone. Alone because she was too scared to keep fighting for the things she loved.

Meredith had admitted to herself that the thing that she could no longer do. The thing that was exhausting her the most, was the fight for her mothers approval. It was time for her to give up, after all she wasn't exactly going to get her approval now.

The issue with George, she knew how to resolve, and she would go see her father tomorrow, and make sure to put an end to the troubles she was having with him. She didn't need to take this, and she didn't deserve this. It was time for her to grow up, fight back, and be proud. She had promised Addie a baby, and a baby is what she will give her.

Meredith stood, and headed in the direction of the hospital. She needed to change and grab her bag. She needed them so she could go home to her wife, and let her know that she wasn't the thing that 'she couldn't' do anymore.

Addie having showered and changed, reluctantly drove to her home that she now shared with Meredith, and Izzie, the intern. She was relieved to have found out that Izzie was on call for the night. She didn't want any of the hassles that came along with being home alone with her.

Addie, on arriving home, entered the house, and trudged upstairs. She had decided that she would get into her pyjamas and cook something to eat, before making herself comfortable in front of the t.v with a bottle of wine.

Meredith took her time showering and changing. Once done, she made a point of walking past her mothers room to check on her. She didn't enter, she just made a point of looking in. Richard was sitting 

on the chair next to the bed. He was holding her hand, and she was talking quietly.

Meredith did not know how anyone could love her mother the way Richard did. She was a tyrant, a force to be wreckend with, and a destroy of peoples hearts and spirits. Meredith knew this, because she was not the only one that her mother had walked all over. Her interns had always felt her wrath, with many of them either quitting or transferring to get away from her. Only the strongest ones stayed.

Addie had now made herself comfortable on the couch. She hadn't kidded herself into thinking that she should serve up some for Meredith, because she had already admitted to herself that she didn't know if Meredith would come home tonight. So with wine in hand, she rested back into the confines of the couch, and sipped away watching the movie 'monster – in –law'.

Meredith pulled up in front of the house, and took a deep breathe before climbing out of the car, and moving up towards the house. She was tired, but refreshed from her shower, and had a sense of clarity about her.

She moved to the door, and taking her key from her bag, she let herself in quietly. She was not sure that Addie was home, all that she knew was that she could smell food, and that the nurses up at OB said that she had left already.

Meredith walked towards the lounge room, she placed her bag down by the doorway. She moved in and took in the sight of Addie curled up on the couch, glass of wine in front of her, and her red hair blanketing the pillow that he head was resting on. She was watching the movie – a movie that they joked – was the heterosexual version of them.

Meredith moved towards her, she knew that Addie would have sensed that she was there, so she wouldn't have given her too much of a shock. So once she stood in front of her, looking down at her, she knew that she had broken her.

"I love you Addie." She said as she moved to sit on the couch next to her. "And that is something that i can't stop doing, and i don't want to stop doing." She told her as she leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips.

Addie remained quiet, she didn't know what she should say, what Meredith would expect so she just sighed. "There is some pasta on the stove for you." She told her, and moved her head to continue watching the movie.

"I don't want pasta." Meredith whispered. Her voice seductive as she leaned in and kissed Addie again. "I don't want pasta, all i want right now is you. Come take a bath with me and Addie and let me show you just exactly how much i do love you."

"I thought it was exhausting." Addie said cynically.

"It can be" Meredith admitted, "but love is not always easy, and one as strong as hows, can not just be let go." She told her as she kissed her once more, before standing and making her way upstairs. It was up to Addie if she wanted to follow.


	35. leaving you to leave you

Meredith walked up to the bathroom oozing with certainty that Addie would be following right behind her. However, by the time Meredith was undressed and in the bath tub, Addie still hadn't arrived. So Meredith fought the urge to go back down stairs and drag her up. If Addie didn't want to have a bath with her, then she wasn't going to make her.

Addie on the other hand had been caught up in staring at the television screen. She had already hit the stop button on the remote to end the dvd. She just now couldn't find it within her to move. She knew that they very much needed to talk about the events of the last couple of days, but ultimately about today, and what it had meant for them.

Meredith had been in the bath for a good half an hour when Addie finally ventured up. She had stood in the door way looking over Meredith before she finally undressed and made her way to the opposite end of the bath tub. Addie slid in, without saying a word.

Meredith had shifted to accommodate her presence in the bath tub, and both sat there staring at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

Their usual bath was filled with romantic gestures, Addie massaging Meredith's feet or vice versa, soaping each others backs, or even one sitting behind the other, nurturing each other, and loving each 

others bodies. However, that was not present this time, and neither were game to mention its absence.

Addie shifted slightly and her long leg went up the middle of the tub and nestled between Meredith's thighs.

Meredith looked at her curiously, she was anticipating Addie's next move, but alas it did not come. Addie merely just cracked her neck and nestled into the tub further.

Meredith couldn't stand the silence any longer, finally breaking first to speak. "I'm glad you're in my bath tub." She opens as she smiles softly down at Addie.

Addie sighs, but nods. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to hear any of Meredith's excuses this time around. Truth be told, the rollercoaster ride of emotions today had completely exhausted her.

"Addie do you hear me?" Meredith asked, it appeared that she had been talking for a few moments before she realised that Addie had not been listening, and instead had been deep in thought. Addie snapped out of it and looked at her.

Addie didn't wait for her to continue to speak, instead she went straight for what was bothering her. "How can you tell me that our 

love is exhausting and that you don't know if you can do it any more, only hours after telling me that you are ready for us to have a baby?" Addie asked her.

Meredith looked at her carefully. "Add" she sighed.

"No Mer, be honest, because tonight, that suggestion, that resolution, was something that i have been waiting for, for the last couple of years, and tonight you give that to me, and i love you for it, but then you go and over shadow it with that. What don't you get, you say you don't know if you can do it anymore, well Mer, sometimes neither do I." She sighed.

Meredith looked at Addie shocked. "Addie" she whimpered, scared that Addie was finally cracking.

"No Mer. You walked back in tonight, and tell me that you can't stop loving me, but if you loved someone, how could you hurt them the way you hurt me? Did you even consider, while you were out walking, down by the harbour watching the ferry boats, how exactly it felt to be me?" Addie asked.

Meredith looked down embarrassed and feeling guilty. "No" she whimpered. "Not in that way."

Without a second glance, Addie was out of the tub and reaching for a towel. "Well think about it now, and come find me when you can see how much you have hurt me." Addie told her as she then turned and left the bathroom.

Addie stormed into the bedroom, and pulled out her favourite sweat shirt before chucking on her boxer shorts. She looked back at the bathroom, before she took a clip, and clipped her hair back.

Meredith sat in the bath, the water now getting cold as she thought about Addie's words. She hadn't realised exactly how much she had hurt Addie by walking away from her this evening, but there was so much going on in her head and she couldn't piece it together.

Addie grabbed the medical journal from her bedside table and began to flick through it, she almost convulsed at the sight of Ellis Grey in one of the articles near the centre of the journal. It seemed that it was a repeat print, of an article that they had published years before.

Addie almost chocked as she read how they described her as a loving and proud mother. Obviously the journalist didn't do enough digging around to come up with the lesbian daughter, or the bad reputation and cold displays that she directed towards the said daughter. Of course, most would not think to delve into such workings at all.

Addie felt disgustingly sick as she looked at the perky family photo that was obviously forced with a very unhappy looking Meredith who was struggling to smile despite Ellis glowering over her shoulder.

She could only hope that if they decided to go ahead with the having children, that Meredith wouldn't panic about being exactly like her mother, and instead remain open about the joys of being a mother.

Meredith climbed out of the tub, and wrapped the last remaining towel around her. She made no attempt to properly dry her self off before she padded her way out to the bedroom where Addie was curled up on the bed with her Medical journal.

"I wasn't leaving you to leave you." Meredith opened. "I was leaving you to sort out the rest of the things in my head. I needed to consider the source of my problems."

"And that is me?" Addie guessed when Meredith had taken a moment to pause.

Meredith shook her head. "No, that is me." She sighed. "I am trying to be all that my mother would have wanted me to be. I mean, she has Alzheimer's, it's not as if she knows exactly what it is i am doing or even who i am half the time. Why should i seek out her approval when it is obviously too late for her to give it, and furthermore, why inflict the past on myself by subjecting myself to her presence. She only tells me how much she didn't want to have a child with thatcher." Meredith stopped to take a quick breather. "It has to 

stop, i have to stop. I can't do it anymore. I'm not going to fight to be seen by her anymore." She finally sighed.

Addie looked up from her journal and closed it.

"When i said i didn't know if i could do it anymore, i wasn't talking about loving you Addie, or breaking up with you. What i was talking about was in fact the status of my relationship with mom, and putting up with the harassment from George. Whilst out on my walk Addie i decided that tomorrow morning i would file a harassment charge against him. I don't need to live like that, and we haven't for so long." Meredith told her.

"It's not necessary." Addie spoke up.

Meredith looked at her in shock. "What ? Why? Are you leaving me?" she asked.

Addie shook her head. "No, i'm not leaving you" she sighed, "but pull another stunt like you did today and i might just do that." She warned. "But no, it's not necessary because he is no longer an intern as Seattle Grace. He is transferring out. Obviously a forced one. He should be lucky that he got that. That is what dad was trying to tell you this afternoon before you took off."

Meredith sighed, and walked to her rawer and pulled out a matching sweat shirt and boxers. Once she had put them on she climbed into bed next to Addie. "I'm sorry i suck at being a wife Addie." Meredith whispered, "but i do promise you chook, that i will do everything in my power to make this right with you."

Addie sighed as Meredith snuggled up to her. "Let's just sleep now, and we can talk about it tomorrow." Addie told her as she reached over and flicked off the lamp. Sending them into a room of Darkness, a room that slowly was filled by Meredith's thunderous snore.


	36. things can only get better

Meredith had slept curled up next to Addie, and was still asleep when Addie slipped out of bed first thing the next morning. She had been painstakingly tired the night before, and even though she slept like a rock, the exhaustion from yesterday's events still knocked her.

She had blindly made her way to the shower, where she slowly stripped off her pyjama's as she turned on the hot water. She cracked her neck once more before she finally climbed in.

Her usual routine was one that she had down packed, but this morning, she didn't feel like doing her usual routine, instead she was quite happy to sit under the spray of the shower and just relax.

The warm water ran over her skin, relaxing her, and almost lulling her to sleep. In fact she had almost gone to sleep when she heard the door to the bathroom open, and somebody stumble in. It hadn't occurred to her to lock the door, but then again, it had been a long time since she had had to.

The door to the shower slid open and a tired Meredith stumbled in. Addie looked up as Meredith moved in under the spray, lifting her face up so the water would run over it.

Addie thought about saying something, but it was obvious that Meredith was as tired as her, and obviously didn't even realise that there was someone else in the shower, she had probably even thought that she was the one to have turned the shower on.

Addie sighed and looked over Meredith's wet body. She had been fighting the urge to touch it for a few minutes, before she couldn't control it anymore and her hand reached up and ran down the inner side of her thigh.

Meredith let out a small moan, but still did not open her eyes, and kept her face under the spray.

Addie now fully awake with desire, ran her hand back up the inside of Meredith's thigh before she moved to spread her legs, Meredith's body followed Addie's guidance, and soon Addie was perched ideally between Meredith's legs.

She looked up at the tired Meredith, who was squirming with anticipation.

She nuzzled the side of Meredith's thigh as she moved her head in between Meredith's legs, licking the inside of her thigh as she made her way up to the sweet centre folds of Meredith.

She could see that Meredith was obviously turned on. Her eyes swelled with desire as she moved her mouth up to settle and place kisses on Meredith's centre, her hands moving to push her folds to the side and expose Meredith's raw sensitive flesh.

Addie moved to suck, and lick Meredith's clitoris, stimulating her, and filling her further with desire. She felt Meredith's knees going week underneath her, and she guided her to lay back in the bath tub, Addie shifting with her so she could continue her work of pleasuring Meredith.

Meredith's eyes sprang open as her orgasm continued to build. "Addie, oh addie." She maned as her body twisted with the sensitive touches that Addie was delivering.

Addie could see that Meredith was about to hit her peak, and she pulled back, only to thrust two fingers deep inside of her. Meredith looked down at her in surprise.

"Oh God Addie." Meredith moaned, as Addie helped work Meredith back up to Climax point.

It didn't take long for Addie's skilled fingers to have Meredith explode, and once she did, Addie moved forward again, and happily licked Meredith clean.

Meredith's eyes were glazed over from the intensity of her orgasm. Once Addie had finished licking her clean, Meredith pulled her back up equal with her, so Meredith could kiss her and taste herself on Addie's lips.

"Good morning." Meredith murmured.

"Morning" Addie replied with a smile.

"Can i wake up like that every morning?" Meredith asked shyly as she leaned in and kissed Addie again.

"Only if you return the favour." Addie said with a smirk.

"You know i love you wet." Meredith giggled as she flipped her over, and began to work Addie's body, as Addie had already done hers. She was thrilled that things were going to be ok. In fact, it already felt like things were going to be better.

You can walk my path  
You can wear my shoes  
Let her talk like me  
And be an angel too

But maybe  
You ain't never gonna feel this way  
You ain't never gonna know me  
But I know you...  
Teach you now that

Things can only get better  
Can only get, can only get  
They get on from here  
You know, I know that  
Things can only get better

I sometimes lose myself in me  
I lose track of time  
And I can't see the world's formed trees  
You set them alight, burning the bridges as you go  
I'm too weak to fight you  
I got my personal health to deal with  
And you say

Walk my path  
Wear my shoes  
Talk like me  
I'll be an angel and

Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you  
(That means me)  
(Will you teach me now)  
Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you

And you and you...  
You... show me prejudice and greed  
You show me how  
I must learn to deal with this disease  
I look at things now  
In a different light than I did before  
I found the cause  
And I think that you could be my cure  
And you say

Walk your path  
Wear your shoes  
Talk like that  
I'll be an angel too

Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you  
(That means me)  
(Will you teach me now)  
Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you

Things can only get, can only get  


Things can only get, can only get  
Things can only get, can only get  
Things can only get, can only get

Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you  
(That means me)  
(Will you teach me now)  
Things can only get better  
Can only get better  
Now I've found you


	37. a turn of events

After the hot shower action, Meredith was awake and feeling better than ever.

Addie had moved back to their bedroom with Meredith stumbling behind so that they could continue further. Of course, both had almost forgotten about work and as a consequence they had run late.

Meredith had ran into the intern locker room, quite aware that her fellow interns would have already started out on rounds.

She quickly changed and ran off to find how far along they had gotten.

She was surprised when she caught up with them just as they entered the room for their first patient.

Bailey had glared at her, but did not say anything. Meredith knew that she would be saving it for later, when she could embarrass her in the hall, or even make her do scut.

Meredith had noticed as she entered the patients room that Izzie and George were missing. There were only 3 interns on rounds with Bailey. She was intrigued by this. She knew that if Addie was correct, then George was no longer here, but the location of Izzie was another thing altogether.

The rounds went well, and just before they all received their official assignments Meredith watched as her Dad came up behind them. "Miranda, i would like to speak with you and your interns for the moment." He informed her.

Bailey turned around and looked at him concerned. "Yes sir." She replied. She then turned and gestured for the rest of the group to follow.

Richard led them through the hospital and up to his office where Preston, Derek, Mark and Addie were all seated. They filed in and stood before the attending.

"What i need to discuss with you, is of great sorrow, yet importance. In fact, i should even suggest that you take a seat." Richard informed them.

Meredith looked confused between her brother's and Addie. She could tell that neither of them knew what was going on.

Meredith moved towards the seat that had been left vacant beside Addie and sat in it; Addie automatically taking her hand. Both of them could feel the built up tension in the room. It seemed like everyone could feel it.

The other interns moved to be seated between the other interns, and Bailey standing off to the side. She too had no idea what was about to come.

"Yesterday afternoon." Richard opened. '"I unfortunately had to force a transfer through in regards to Dr O'Malley. While this brought me great sadness to lose a doctor who could have been formidable in the O.R. Nothing saddened me more than what followed."

Meredith looked to Addie, and both the boys looked between each other then over at them. They all shrugged.

"Late last night i was notified that Dr O'Malley was killed in a car crash. It seemed that as he went to apply the brakes at 

the traffic lights, they did not work, and it resulted in him running a red light. He was killed instantly when the driver of another vehicle slammed into the driver's side door." Richard continued. "An investigation followed into the early hours of this morning. The police found that Dr O'Malley's brake line had been cut."

Meredith gasped in shock. Everyone too seemed to be wearing a similar expression of shock.

"The police studied our surveillance tapes to see if the car had been tampered with at work. It appears they have found and have since arrested the perpetrator. This brings me to the next news. You can obviously see that you are down two Interns, and that is because it was Dr Stevens who cut the brake line. I'm sorry to have to inform you of this, and i can only offer all of you interns the day off to come to terms with your loss." He informed them

Meredith looked horrified. The person who slept down the hall from her was a murderer. She had severed the brake line of the person who was meant to be her best friend. Meredith had no idea what she should do with this information.

"Dr Bailey." Richard turned to her. "I suggest you and your interns go home for the day. I am even considering sending home my head attending until we need them. This is a lot to process and i assure you, you will all need time to process this information."

Bailey nodded and turned to her interns. Tears were evident in her eyes. "I think you all should go home. I don't expect to see any of you back here until tomorrow."

They all nodded and made to stand. Christina and Alex left first, Meredith turned to nod at her father and then at her brothers. Addie had squeezed her hand and promised that she would be home shortly.

"Oh and Meredith." Bailey spoke, "i wont forget that you were late this morning. I don't care what extracurricular activities you got up to with my best friend. Your an intern, you need to be on time."

Meredith nodded and quickly muttered an apology. She left without another word. She had not idea what she was to do, or how she felt about the turn of events.


	38. mighty fine

Meredith had been rocked by the news of George and Izzie. Even more so when she ventured into Izzie's room accompanied by Addie, Christina and Alex to see a wall filled with pictures of George, and words surrounding it. Words such as 'love', 'adore', 'mine' and 'invisible'

In the middle there was a rant that Izzie had obviously written.

_He see's the insecure girl_

_The one that is very much taken_

_But he doesn't see me_

_Unless i am mistaken_

_He dreams of being in her arms_

_When he should be mine_

_I am a bloody model_

_My body is mighty fine_

_So why her, _

_Why not me_

_She has nothing_

_That i can see_

_I will make him see me_

_I'll die trying if i have to._

_But why should she be the one who's loved_

_What do i have to do._

_Trailer park trash_

_The sneers echo in my head_

_Maybe he will finally see me_

_When he is dead!_

They read this in shock, before taking photos of the wall. Addie then called Preston and Derek over. The bought around food to help comfort Meredith while the police moved through the house, searching for any other evidence that may link her to George.

They really considered the wall of photos and dead poem a seal. Merdith shuddered at the thought that Izzie had been obsessed with George to the point that she killed him.

Meredith had only known the love of one man, and she had never loved him so blindly. Addie on the other hand, that was a love that was blind, but she would never have killed to be seen.

Meredith felt for George's family, even though he had been a nasty cruel man towards the end of their relationship, there had been a time when they had been close.

Once the police left Meredith had been adamant that they could no longer stay there. She refused to go up to her room to change, and Derek had to go pack a night bag for her while Preston and Addie worked on keeping her calm.

"We'll buy a new place." Addie reassured her, "now that i'm here we'll get a new place. You don't want this one anyway."

Meredith had nodded blindly, but the knowledge that she had lived with someone capable of taking another human beings life had rattled her.

"Can we just go?" Meredith whispered.

Addie nodded, pulling her close to her. No words would ease her mind right now.

Addie stood and thanked Derek for making them both up a bag of things. Christina and Alex had only left moments before. They all exited the house. Meredith climbing into the car under Preston's guidance.

Addie turned to Derek who looked at her with great concern. "She was happy this morning." Derek commented.

Addie nodded. "We bother were."

"I think she's going to need to speak to someone about this." Preston suggests.

"You mean a counsellor?" Derek asks.

Preston nods.

They all turn to look at Meredith who was sitting in the car. "I think that would be wise" sighed Addie, hating to think of the damage that this event has done to her wife. "I think that would be wise.


	39. how come, how long

**Updates have been demanded by the boss – and i hate to fail – so this will be one of the many for tonight – i will try to update my other fic's on this site soon. Housework sucks.**

Addie was petrified by the state Meredith was in. It was obvious that the shock of the day's events had left her confused, scared and somewhat numb. She no longer wanted to feel whatever it was that was consuming her.

Addie had spent every moment so far watching Meredith, even now in the hotel room away from the house. She couldn't work out what to do, or how to help her. That of course was rare for her as she often knew better than the others how to handle Meredith. In most situations that is.

Meredith was lying on the bed staring into space like she had been since they had arrived in the hotel. She was yet to say anything to anyone about anything. It wasn't because she couldn't talk; it's because she didn't know what to say.

Meredith could feel Addie looking at her, and knew that she was unsure of what to do, or what she could do for her. But the only thing Meredith wanted her to do was hold her.

_There was a girl I used to know  
She was oh so beautiful  
But she's not here anymore  
She had a college degree  
_

_Smart as anyone could be  
She had so much to live for  
But she fell in love  
With the wrong kinda man  
He abused her love and treated her so bad  
There was not enough education in her world  
That could save the life of this little girl_

Addie moved towards Meredith, sitting on the edge of the bed. She wanted to touch her, reassure her that everything was alright, but she wasn't truly sure whether it was. So she sat there hoping that Meredith could feel her love.

_How come, how long  
Its not right, its so wrong  
Do we let it just go on  
Turn our backs and carry on  
Wake up, for its too late  
Right now, we cant wait  
She wont have a second try  
Open up your hearts  
As well as your eyes_

Meredith had been able to see that Izzie's feelings towards George were more than his feelings towards her. What she hadn't known was George's feelings to herself. The fact that Izzie was tortured by loving and not recieving, to the point that George had often exchanged harsh words with Izzie was a surprise. Yet she never thought it would come to 

this. She never thought that Izzie would snap and take the life of the person that she had fallen for, or the person who was her best friend.

_She tried to give a cry for help  
She even blamed things on herself  
But no one came to her aid  
Nothing was wrong as far as we could tell  
Thats what wed like to tell ourselves  
But no, it wasnt that way  
So she fell in love  
With the wrong kinda man  
And she paid with her life  
For loving that man  
So we cannot ignore  
We must look for the signs  
And maybe next time  
We might save somebodys life_

Meredith felt guilty... she couldn't describe why. Was it because she had seen the signs that had presented themself that their relationships had been wearing down? That at one stage when she had ventured into Izzie's room with a basket of clothes she had seen a wall of photos of Izzie and George and merely thought that their friendship was one that she should envy. That she hadn't seen the sighs that Izzie's heart was broken.

_How come, how long  
Its not right, its so wrong  
Do we let it just go on  
_

_Turn our backs and carry on  
Wake up, for its too late  
Right now, we cant wait  
She wont have a second try  
Open up your hearts  
As well as your eyes_

Of course Meredith knew that she shouldn't feel guilty for Izzie's actions, but if she had known the obsession that she had towards George, or the feelings George had towards herself, then maybe this would never have gotten to this. Maybe they would still be living under the same roof, in the same hospital, with the friendship that most had never seen.

_I on occasion met that guy  
He stirred up bad feelings deep inside  
Something about him wasnt right  
The way he proves himself a man  
By beatin his woman with his hands  
Oh I wish shed seen the light  
How can someone like that  
Call himself a man  
In reality hes far more less than that  
And we cannot ignore  
Whenever we see the signs  
cause any kinda of abuse  
God knows isnt right_

Of course neither Meredith or Addie knew that George had beaten Izzie, not only with his words and actions, but with his hands on a few occasions when his jealousy of seeing Meredith interact with Alex, Mark or any other male was too much for him, and that the last beating he had given her was the night he was asked to leave the house.

No one would have thought that he had it in him, but the maliciousness that he had towards Meredith could have been a good indicator.

Meredith felt Addie's nearness, and attempted to drag herself out of the thoughts that were making her head dizzy. She reached for Addie and pulled her to her, holding onto her as if it were her that was going to be missing from her life

"Stay." Meredith whispered, when she felt Addie pull away warily, not knowing if Meredith was seeking their usual intimacy, or just wanted someone near her.

_How come, how long  
Its not right, its so wrong  
Do we let it just go on  
Turn our backs and carry on  
Wake up, for its too late  
Right now, we cant wait  
She wont have a second try  
Open up your hearts  
As well as your eyes_

Addie relaxed and fell back into Merediths arms. Both truly needing some solace from the world that was around them


	40. this cant be good

Meredith stayed cuddled up with Addie for the rest of the night. She refused to let her go, to the point that neither of them ate again. In fact they fell asleep that way.

Addie awoke fully clothed and feeling uncomfortable. It seemed that Meredith had clung to her in her sleep. She wished that Meredith would talk about this so she could deal with it. She was hesitant that she would not deal with this and that it would be another thing that would get the better of her.

Meredith stirred when she felt Addie prying her arms open. "Hey" Meredith sighed sleepily.

"Hey" Addie replied as she shifted to lean over Meredith.

"We have work." Meredith whispered.

"We do." Addie replied.

Meredith shifted. "Better shower than." Meredith groaned.

Addie sighed and moved off to let Meredith get up.

"What's the time?" Meredith called to Addie as she stripped off on her way to the bathroom.

"6" Addie called back, and once she realised what time she said, she knew Meredith would freak.

"Shit Addie... i was supposed to be at work by 6." Meredith called all flustered as she ran into the shower and slammed the door.

Addie rolled her eyes, it wasn't as if her father wouldn't understand her reasons for being late, after all they did spend the night in a hotel room, after freaking about staying in that house.

She heard things go bang in the bathroom, and knew that Meredith was bashing around in there trying to get everything sorted in a hurry. Of course the loud crash was not something that she had anticipated.

When the loud bang echoed through the hotel room Addie went running to check on Mer.

When Addie reached the bathroom door she flung it open only to hear a cry in pain. "Shit Addie." Meredith protested.

There on the floor was Meredith, lying naked, a gash on her head from where her head hit the floor, plus what seemed to be a black eye forming from the door hitting her in the face when it swung open, and the ultimate detail, her leg bent at an odd angle to the side.

"This can't be good." Addie groaned looking at the leg.

"You think." Meredith mumbled, "can my life get any worse right now?" she appealed as she cried in pain.


	41. TOO MANY DAMN SONGS

**OK THIS UPDATE GETS A LITTLE SILLY AS THE TITLE MAY SUGGEST – HOWEVER I GOT TOLD THAT THE FIC WAS GETTING A LITTLE DEPRESSING AND HOPED THIS WOULD GET THE READERS TO GIGGLE A LITTLE**

Addie had helped dress Meredith to the best of her ability before calling the ambulance. There was no way that she would be able to get Meredith downstairs and into the car.

They arrived 10 minutes later and assessed the scene before them. "She fell getting into the shower." Addie tells them.

They look at her oddly before loading Meredith onto a stretcher. "Can you take us to Seattle Grace? We both work there." Addie asked

The paramedic nodded. "I think we can manage that." He informed her

The ride was long but they managed to get there with doping Meredith up to high heaven to deal with the pain of the broken leg. Pulling up into the bay, Richard and Bailey met the vehicle.

"Shit what did she do to herself?" Richard asked looking down at his daughter with worry.

"Daddy Karma sucks." She whimpered.

"That girls almost high." Bailey commented.

"That would be from the amount of morphine they have put into her system." Addie replied.

Bailey shook her head. "We've got an exam room set up for her already chief." Bailey informed him, "we'll take her to exam room 4. Torres is already there waiting."

Richard nodded and then helped pull the stretcher out of the vehicle.

They moved Meredith quickly, not surprised that a crowd had gathered to see what had happened to another one of Bailey's interns.

"Am i cursed?" Meredith asked as her brothers approached her.

"No Mer, you've just hit a rough patch." Preston told her as he took her hand.

Addie was hurrying alongside the stretcher, she couldn't help but hover.

"So things will get better?" she asked.

"Of course." Derek encouraged her. "Always look on the Brightside of life." He said with a grin.

Addie looked at him with a smirk – quoting songs?" he asked

"Of course" he replied with a knowing smirk. He knew that it was one of her bad habits to come out with Random lines from songs, and that he had managed to pick it up over the years.

"We know too many damn songs." Addie chuckled.

"Hey no laughing... i'm in pain here." Meredith bossed.

Addie frowned and looked down at her. "He's right Mer. Things can only get better."

"Yeah Mer, you know you can lean on me." Derek reassured her.

Addie shook her head. "Gees Derek, put a little love in your heart."

"Oh Addie, why do you build me up buttercup?" he asked.

Meredith kept looking at them crazily. Preston just shaking his head as they tried to distract Meredith.

"Mer babe, you know i need you and couldn't live a day without you." Addie sighed as she leaned in and kissed her now that the stretcher has stopped.

"Addie get out of the way." Grumbled Bailey, who even though she was amused at their efforts to distract Meredith, she needed to get in and check on the patient.

"Now Meredith, we're going to do the twist and it goes like this." Bailey told Meredith as Torres ripped her leg back into place.

"Nice Bailey." Derek encouraged.

Callie shook her head. "Take her for an x-ray and please stop quoting songs, your making me go crazy." She grouched as she looked down at Meredith. "And nobody give her any more drugs." She ordered.

Everyone chuckled while Christina came in and helped Alex wheel Meredith down to the x-ray. Addie following closely behind.


	42. dance, love, sing and live

Addie was nervous, she hated when things like this happened, especially to Meredith. Although, this was the first time she had broken a leg. An arm yes, but never a leg.

"I'm going to be down another intern for a couple of weeks. What in the hell did you do to that girl?" Miranda asked her as she sat down across from her in the cafeteria.

"I was telling the truth when i say she slipped... it' s just... it's kind of been like she's nonexistent." Addie told her.

Miranda frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well i mean it was a shock enough to hear that George was dead. I mean they didn't part on the best of terms but he was still her flat mate." Addie told her, "but then to find out that Izzie was responsible, and that wall she had decorated in her room... I guess it got to her."

Miranda sighed, "how much more can one girl take?" she asked.

"I don't know Miranda, but what i do know is that the decision she made the other day is going to be put well and truly on the back burner." Addie said quietly.

Miranda tilted her head, she knew she didn't have to ask because Addie was going to tell her.

"After the shemozzle with George in the O.R. she decided that something's needed to change. Things like her relationship with her mother, and that maybe we just needed an extra something... and she... she suggested... she suggested that we have a child." Addie told her. The thought was overwhelming her. She didn't want these plans to change.

"Oh Addie" Miranda sighed, she really felt for her friend. "You know Mer doesn't back out of a decision that she's already made."

"Yeah... but... things have been so difficult here, we had already passed difficult in New York." Addie told her.

"Life has it's up's and down's Addie, you know you guys are going to be on your way back up soon." Bailey told her. "You guys really need to start living the saying."

Addie tilted her head in confusion. "What?" she asked.

"You know the one..." Bailey trailed off trying to remember it.

"Not sure i do." Addie said with a smile. She always liked watching Miranda wrack her brain to grasp the thought that she had. It had a beauty to it, although Miranda's soul was beautiful enough. Addie had never met a person who could be such a tyrant on the outside and so mellow and soft on the inside – although she wouldn't dare tell her that.

"I think it's Dance like no one is watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like no one is listening, and live like it's heaven on earth."

"Oh, by William Plunkey, or something?" Addie sighed

"Yeah" Miranda smiled, "That's the one." She said with a big nod. "You guys need to start doing that again. You guys are letting too much get to you. You both need to stop, breathe and start to let go again. You're both so guarded here, people aren't seeing the real you."

Addie nodded in thought. What Miranda was saying is true. "I'll have to work on that." She tells her.


	43. time to think

While Addie and Miranda had been talking in the cafeteria Meredith was frustrated by the position she found herself in. Callie had put her leg in her cast and asked her to spend the night to make sure the cast set.

Having spent a few hours being cheered up by Addie and Derek's song quotes and Prestons jokes she finally had time to think and rest. She had figured out what she wanted now and how she should obtain it.

She had never really completely sat back and thought about these things and when she did, she was usually accompanied by Addie. She had thought about her situation with her mother, the situation with Izzie and George and then put them in a complete scope of how they affected her.

She had never been able to find such clarity in her thoughts as she had in such little time, and it left her paging her father to her room.

He had been busy consulting on a patient when she had paged but he still had managed to arrive in decent time. "You paged sweetheart?" he asked with concern as he came and sat by her side.

"I need to get out of this bed dad; i need to go to speak to mom." She told him.

"Mer, I'm not sure you should be doing that right now." He advised her as he pushed a stray piece of hair off of her face.

"But i do. I need to do this now. I don't care if she's not completely lucid. I need to say this to get it off my chest. I need to, so Addie and i can move on." She told him.

Richard sighed "mer"

"No please Dad, you have to understand that i need to say my piece. I need to say it so i can grow. So i can let go of my desires to have her accept or approve of me." Meredith pleaded trying to state her case.

Richard studied her. "Why this urgent need?" he asked.

"Because Addie and i have decided on ids, and i cant focus on that, on us, when my head has been flooded with doubt that my own mother has instilled." She told him.

Richard eyed her carefully. "Is Addie pushing for this?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head. "Addie knows better than to push me."

Richard sighed; he could see that she was serious about this. He reluctantly nodded. "Ok, but i am coming with you."

Meredith groaned.

"Mer, i wont interfere, i'll just wait outside if you need me." He justified.

"Fine" Meredith sighed, knowing that she wouldn't be allowed to go otherwise.


	44. rare moments

Richard found Meredith a wheel chair and also propped her broken leg up. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked again.

Meredith nodded. "Just push the chair." She told him and he did so obediently.

They moved through the halls and into the elevator. Meredith remained silent throughout their journey to her mothers room. She was planning what she was going to say to her.

When they reached the room Richard wheeled her in, and stood there quietly. "Dad you can go" she tells him.

He can see Ellis eyeing them curiously.

Richard bends down and drops a kiss on Meredith's head. "I'll be outside if you need me." He reassures her.

Meredith nods and waits for him to go. She then wheels herself closer to her mother.

"What did you do now?" Ellis asked her.

"I fell" Meredith replied simply.

Ellis nodded and Meredith could see that she was surprised that Meredith wasn't crying or trying to fight back tears.

"I am going to talk to you, and you just need to listen. I don't want you to say anything." Meredith said firmly.

"Seriously Meredith, i don't have time for this. I have surgery." Ellis said dismissively.

"You don't have surgery anymore." Meredith stated.

"I don't know why i was never good enough for you. I don't know why i was never worthy of your love and affection. And i don't know why it bothered me so much." Meredith said to Ellis.

"But i do know that i cant do this for you anymore. I am in love, i am married and i am doing the one thing i have ever wanted to do. I don't hold onto a hope that you will come out of this. And i don't believe that i ever did anything wrong to you." Meredith's voice was shaky now as her emotions were slowly getting the better of her.

"I will come visit you, but from now on you are just my mother – a woman who gave birth to me, not my mother whom i have longed to belong to."

Finally she stopped and looked at Ellis warily.

There is a long pause before Ellis decides to speak. "You are only 3 sweetheart. I have no idea what you're talking about. What on earth has Derek been telling you?" Ellis said softly as she encouraged Meredith to come to her.

Meredith wheeled her chair closer and Ellis encouraged her to rest her head on the bed.

Ellis begins moving her hand through Meredith's hair. "Mommy loves you sweet heart, no matter what happens remember mommy loves you."

Richard stood by the door a tear running down his cheek as he watched his wife and step daughter share a very rare moment. Unfortunately he knew this moment would not last.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAG

Addie found Richard standing outside Ellis's room, tears in his eyes. "Richard" she said quietly as she rested a hand on his shoulder.

She looked into the room to see Meredith's head resting on the bed. Derek standing over the bed and resting a hand on her shoulder.

Addie looked at Richard confused.

"She let go 15 minutes ago." Richard told her.

Addie gasped. "Oh god."

"It's ok Addie, it's for the best. Meredith made her peace before she let go." Richard told her as he wrapped an arm around her.

Preston moved into view, he had been standing back from the group. "She's gone." He sighed. "I can't believe she's really gone."

Richard reached out to his son. "It's ok, she's gone to a better place." He told him.

Richard, Addie and Preston stood watching Meredith and Derek say their goodbyes.

"She's going to be fine Addie. We all are." He said again, it was obvious that he was trying to reassure himself.

Meredith lifted her head up and looked at the group by the door. Tears were running down her cheeks. "Daddy" she sobbed and held her hand out to him.

Richard moved into the room and to Meredith's side. "We can do this dad." She told him.

Derek squeezed Richard's shoulder.

"We should" Meredith said as she wiped away her tears. "We'll give you a moment dad." She whispered.

Richard nodded a thanks.

Derek helped wheel Meredith out of the room to a waiting Addie and Preston.

"I'm ok" Meredith told Addie "I think I'm really ok."

Addie sighed as she lowered herself down to Meredith's height and placed a soft reassuring kiss on her lips. She really hoped everything would be ok.


	45. the service

Meredith sat up front of the church. Addie was sitting on one side of her and Derek on the other. Preston and Richard were sitting like book ends keeping the family together

The service was lovely, but Meredith was shocked at how many people came to pay respect that they didn't know.

Richard had opted for all 3 of them to choose a song to play for the service. Meredith hadn't been allowed to see what songs they all chose. As it was supposed to be their personal goodbyes, of course, Preston and Richard chose a song together.

"The family has decided that instead of stepping up and talking about their loved one, Dr Ellis Grey – Webber, they would dedicate songs for her." The priest explained. "We offer you a chance to look at the screen that we have set up so you can look at some of their personal photo's of their time with Ellis, as well as some of the photo's of Ellis at work."

There was a silence as everyone turned to the screen.

_When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes_

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along  
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)  
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)  
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

As the song played images of Ellis with Preston and Richard came across the screen. These included photos of Ellis at work with Richard, and a number of happy snaps. Meredith heard a sob, and looked down to see Preston's body shudder as he looked at an image of a young Preston sitting on Ellis's lap as she read a story to him.

Meredith stood and Moved to him, despite Addie's worry, or the odd look she was receiving from others at the service. She just wanted to comfort her brother.

_'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends  
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand  
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone_

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,  
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,  
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes  
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on  
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on  
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

The slides changed from being about Preston, Richard and Ellis and moved to be about her with Derek. Everyone was shocked by the song choice, as it seemed more feminine. However Derek had explained earlier to Meredith that it just seemed to fit her.

LET ME INSIDE YOU  
INTO YOUR ROOM  
I'VE HEARD IT'S LINED  
WITH THE THINGS YOU DON'T SHOW  
LAY ME BESIDE YOU  
DOWN ON THE FLOOR  
I'VE BEEN YOUR LOVER  
FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB  
I DRESS AS YOUR DAUGHTER  
WHEN THE MOON BECOMES ROUND  
YOU BE MY MOTHER  
WHEN EVERYTHING'S GONE

AND SHE WILL ALWAYS CARRY ON  
SOMETHING IS LOST  
BUT SOMETHING IS FOUND  
THEY WILL KEEP ON SPEAKING HER NAME  
SOMETHINGS CHANGE  
SOME STAY THE SAME

Of course Meredith knew that Derek had put a lot of thought into the song and the double meaning that only a few would notice if they really knew Ellis.

It seemed only fitting that there would be a few more images of Ellis at work, as she was not only going to be remembered as the mother of a son, or the wife, but also the doctor. The creator of the laparoscopic grey method.

KEEP BECKONING TO ME  
FROM BEHIND THAT CLOSED DOOR  
THE MAID AND THE MOTHER  
AND THE CRONE THAT'S GROWN OLD

I HEAR YOUR VOICE  
COMING OUT OF THAT HOLE  
I LISTEN TO YOU  
AND I WANT SOME MORE  
I LISTEN TO YOU  
AND I WANT SOME MORE

AND SHE WILL ALWAYS CARRY ON  
SOMETHING IS LOST  
BUT SOMETHING IS FOUND  
THEY WILL KEEP ON SPEAKING HER NAME  
SOME THINGS CHANGE  
SOME STAY THE SAME

LET ME INSIDE YOU  
INTO YOUR ROOM  
I'VE HEARD IT'S LINED  
WITH THE THINGS YOU DON'T SHOW  
LAY ME BESIDE YOU  
DOWN ON THE FLOOR  
I'VE BEEN YOUR LOVER  
FROM THE WOMB TO THE TOMB  
I DRESS AS YOUR DAUGHTER  
WHEN THE MOON BECOMES ROUND  
YOU BE MY MOTHER  
WHEN EVERYTHING'S GONE

AND SHE WILL ALWAYS CARRY ON  
SOMETHING IS LOST  
BUT SOMETHING IS FOUND  
THEY WILL KEEP ON SPEAKING HER NAME  
SOME THINGS CHANGE  
SOME STAY THE SAME

Meredith's song of course was straight up. It explained how exactly she felt about her mother. Of course those that knew her, knew how difficult her relationship had been with her mother. They knew that after her father had left, Meredith was not as favored as she once had 

been. Was not as loved, and they all assumed it was because who she reminded her of, not of the beautiful daughter that she was.

_See the stone set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you_

Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you

With or without you  
With or without you  


Most of the photo's in Meredith's slides were of her when she was smaller. A happy little Blonde thing always seen in her mothers arms. Or the happy little blonde thing waiting for her mother. There were few photos of them toghether.

Not many people understood what Meredith had represented to Ellis. Not even Meredith, but the man standing in the back of the church knew. As he watched the slides he had spied his daughter standing up the front, and wondered when he would have a chance to talk to her, if he ever would.

_Through the storm we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And Im waiting for you_

With or without you  
With or without you  
I cant live  
With or without you

_And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away_

My hands are tied  
My body bruised, shes got me with  
Nothing to win and  
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away

With or without you  
With or without you  
I cant live  
With or without you

With or without you  
With or without you  
I cant live  
With or without you  
With or without you

Once the church service finished, the boys stepped forward, accompanied by Richard's brother James and they lifted Ellis's coffin onto their shoulder, and Meredith and Addie followed them out of the church, knowing that they were almost done saying good bye to their mother Ellis.


	46. as i lay me

Richard had noticed the man standing at the back of the room. It was hard not to notice the man who had once been married to your wife. It had been that man alone whom had shaped Ellis's relationship with Meredith. He had known it all along, but had not told Meredith this as he felt that it would only rip open the scars that she bore from her many fights and battles.

Yet it wasn't only he who had noticed the man standing there. As Derek, Richard and Preston moved down the aisle carrying Ellis's coffin, Derek had recognised him. For he was the man who had had reluctantly called father, despite having his true father alive and well in New York. He had not been saddened by the man's departure from their lives, and was actually quite infuriated that the man had had the nerve to attend his ex-wife's funeral. Derek loved his mother dearly. He had understood that she had made mistakes in her life. Like most people, he knew that he lived in an imperfect world, and Thatcher Grey had been his mothers biggest blunder. His mother's biggest imperfection.

The only person who wandered down that aisle, escorted by her loving wife, who had her arms wrapped tightly around her, was Meredith. She had no recollection of her father, and in her heart – 

despite the knowledge that Thatcher Grey was out there somewhere – Meredith considered Richard Webber her father. He had been there for her on many occasions. Helping her pick her life up off the floor. Encouraging her to pursue her dreams – and loving her – despite her own imperfections. He had not looked at her differently when she had told him that she was in love with a woman, he had embraced her, promising her that if it was with Addison that she had found love, then he would support her fully. So on seeing the man ogling her as she walked past him, Meredith did not consider the impact of the man's presence, and just assumed it was one of her mother's old work colleagues as it was quite possibly so. Yes, it seemed she could be ignorant to the familial bonds that should be present when looking upon the man, yet she snuggled further into Addie's arms and relaxed knowing that the world she lived in was holding her close.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

When they arrived at the cemetery to complete the service, Meredith, Preston, Derek, Addie and Richard stood in front of the grave. The priest standing off to one side, he read to the people gathered from Psalms 23.

"_The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want.  
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.  
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake._

_  
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me._

_You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies._

_  
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows._

_Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the__ Lord forever."_

Meredith squeezed Addie's hand as she closed her eyes and listened to the passage. Once the priest had finished

The priest then closed the book. He hung his head sadly as he thought of the words that he was to say. He then lifted his head and turned to look at the group.

"Ellis Grey – Webber was a woman who worked as Gods right hand. She tended to people, saved many lives, and the lord, and her patients were grateful for that. She returned to Gods side in her passing, and now is at peace."

There was a shifting of people with the weight of the words.

Richard wanted to argue that, she may be at peace from her Alzheimers, but that she left behind a family who loved and adored her.

_It felt like springtime on this February morning  
In the courtyard birds were singing your praise  
I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel alright  
I carried them with me today, Now_

As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  


_I'll whisper your name into the sky  
And I will wake up happy_

Derek wanted to argue that he had lost a mother, and that it was wrong that she was no longer with them.

_I wonder why I feel so high  
Though I am not above the sorrow  
Heavy hearted  
Till you call my name  
And it sounds like church bells  
Or the whistle of a train  
On a summer evening  
I'll run to meet you  
Barefoot barely breathing_

Preston thought of the words implications, he knew that Ellis was at peace, and yet he yearned for her to be still on the earth, as a whole being. Mentoring him, loving him as if he were her rightful son. He honestly didn't know how to exist in a world where she didn't, and that was making his world crumble.

_As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name into the sky  
And I will wake up happy_

Addie wanted to tell people what Ellis had lost as she had worked as 'god's right hand'. The affects of Ellis's career on her family, or more 

importantly on Meredith, was still buried deep within her. It was something she was not sure if she could forgive, even when the person had passed away.

_It's not too near for me  
Like a flower I need the rain  
Though it's not clear to me  
Every season has its change  
And I will see you  
When the sun comes out again_

Meredith on the other hand bore no argument to the words, remembering her mothers last words to her, and the affection that she had shown. Meredith knew that her mother had been a wonder in the medical world. She knew what price was paid for that, and she also knew that deep down, even though her mother had not really shown it, she had loved her with all her heart. For Ellis had told her, _"Mommy loves you sweet heart, no matter what happens remember mommy loves you." _Meredith held on to the memory, as if it were feeding her. It was the one thing that she had been longing to here all her life, and Ellis had spoken them.

_As I lay me down to sleep  
This I pray  
That you will hold me dear  
Though I'm far away  
I'll whisper your name into the sky  
And I will wake up happy_

The priest then moved forward. "It is time for us to lower the coffin" he said quietly as he moved to press the button.

_"In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." _Meredith whispered having remembered the saying from Genesis.

After the coffin had been completely lowered and the guests invited to the Family house for the wake Meredith pondered the truth of the words that she had just spoken.

As the family departed, and left Meredith standing alone; Addie having walked off with Preston sparing a moment for Meredith to finish her Goodbye, it did not go unnoticed that a man remained off in the shadows watching them, unbeknownst to the fact that Derek and Richard, were in turn watching him.


	47. sad eyes

_Sudden start  
Things are slow  
You're watching all these speeding cars  
Moving like you wish you could  
But oh, it's too bad  
Cos they drove away your happiness and good times  
_

Thatcher remembered well the day that Ellis had told him that she was finally leaving him. He had known it was coming for a long time - and had in fact prepared himself for them moment. He had organised the divorce papers – using her adultery as the excuse.

He himself, had been having an affair – with a young woman who he had met when he had been grocery shopping one evening. Ellis of course hadn't known this.

He acknowledged the fact that he too had been an adulterer. Yet he had known that his vows were made in haste, having impregnated Ellis and was following the way his family had paved for them. He had not really loved Ellis, she had been someone he had sought to plunder in his efforts to seek power, or some status of power.

Ellis had been a tiny hot headed thing, and a single mother. He had thought that she would need him. Alas he had entered into a relationship with her, and had not found what he had expected. Ellis was in fact a woman who was fiercely independent. She was an amazing lover, but also a woman who 

sought to control her world. She knew what she had wanted, and usually had gotten it.

Whilst Meredith was an unexpected delight for Thatcher, she had been wanted by Ellis. Meredith had come along in a hectic time of Ellis's life. She was in the middle of her internship, and yet, she could still find the time to bring another child into her world. Wanting to be a better mother than her own, who had thrust her into many things while she lived the life of hierarchy, being the wife of a prestigious Surgeon.

_  
But I'm gonna get you into the light  
And I'm gonna find a way that is right  
And I'm gonna get you into the light  
And make it okay_

Richard had watched the love dwindle between Thatcher and Ellis as Ellis began to show further into her pregnancy. Whilst he had admired her from a distance, he had loved the way she glowed. He loved the way she carried herself, and yet still ruled the roost amongst all the other interns, who were fighting hard to live up to the standard that she had set despite being heavily pregnant.

He had known that his admiration for her was more than an innocent observation, but having a child at home, and a wife to warm his bed had not deterred him.

He had watched Thatcher become pushy with Ellis, more so after Meredith was born. He became more protective of his time. Fathering Meredith only when Ellis was in surgery.

He had watched as Meredith slowly became a hindrance in both their lives: Thatcher not wanting to chase after a little girl who was obviously so much like her mother, and Ellis not having time to spend with the daughter that she had longed for.

Richard offered on many occasions to watch the young child while her mother was in surgery, and her father was out fraternising with his students, or working on a paper for a new grant at the university he had been employed by.

He had needed to tend to the young child, whom he had fallen in love with. She had been a child who was not neglected of love, yet shifted between her parents as a problem.

He had seen Thatcher smack on her on many occasions for simple little things that a stern word could have fixed.

He had seen Ellis regrettably palm her off in the business of her day. Knowing full well that she loved her daughter, and had even passed up surgeries for on occasions such as birthdays and sickness. Derek – Ellis's other child, being old enough to be in school, and not in anybodies way.

His love for Ellis had grown, and had moved to an affair on one day when Ellis had waited patiently for Thatcher to come and pick her up for work. She had realised that any love that she had felt towards Thatcher had disappeared, and found the love that she had once longed for in the embrace of her fellow doctor and friend.

Richard hoped that he could take the pain out of her eyes, and encourage her to look upon life with the spark that she had once had.

_  
Sad eyes  
You are the only one whose blue skies are grey  
So don't cry  
You'll be the only one to make them go  
away_

_You're so young  
And so bored  
You are staying now till late cos he was what your husband hated  
But oh, it's too bad  
Cos he has stolen now all your happiness and good times_

But I'm gonna get you into the light  
And I'm gonna find a way that is right  
And I'm gonna get you into the light  
And make it okay

Ellis had not felt so inadequate as the day it was that Meredith had gone missing in the park. It was the day that Thatcher was supposed to be looking after her, and he had yet to arrive so she could go to work.

Ellis had been so caught up in reading her medical journal, and obsessing about the time, that when she had realised that Meredith had wandered off, it had been a long time since.

She had gone into full panic mode on noticing that she had gone missing. Her little girl, her angel, the only good thing to have come out of her relationship with Thatcher was missing. She had looked the park up and down. Her fear of what could have happened to her turning her world upside down.

She called Richard and asked for his assistance, and had also called the police to report her daughter missing.

She had ended the scare in pure rage when she had returned home to get a more recent photo of her daughter to find that Thatcher was sitting in front of the television, beer can in hand, and Meredith sitting crying facing the wall.

She had to call the police to let them know that she had found her daughter, but the look in Thatcher's eyes had said so much. The power he felt that he had held over her was present in his eyes, in knowing that he had taken Meredith from right in front of her, without her knowing, and then had taken her home. Knowing full well that Ellis would miss out on the surgery that she had the privilege of scrubbing in on.

His eyes screamed victory, and the fact that he had turned Meredith into a pawn in their little game had shattered Ellis, who did not know, why the child was crying, or how to treat this new development in their relationship.

_  
Sad eyes  
You are the only one whose blue skies are grey  
So don't cry  
You'll be the only one to make them go away  
_

_Yeah you could make them go away_

It took a lot of tears  
But oh, you had to find those  
Sympathetic years  
The ones you left behind him 

_  
It took a lot of tears  
But oh, you had to find those  
Sympathetic years  
The ones you left behind him_

Ellis's relationship with Meredith became much strained after that. She had hoped to detach herself from the child whom she had feared losing.

With the divorce having been requested and Richard's promise of a better life, she had taken full custody of Meredith. She had wanted so much to rekindle her relationship with her daughter. Yet the intense hate that now had grown towards Thatcher overshadowed those hopes. For she feared that Thatcher would take the connection of their daughter as a way to get back into her life.

Meredith would forever be in Ellis's eyes a pawn in Thatcher's game. It didn't matter how hard Ellis had tried to fight the thought, and 

want to love her daughter, and be there for her, that fear had started to rule her life.

_  
But I'm gonna get you into the light  
And I'm gonna find a way that is right  
And I'm gonna get you into the light  
And make it okay_

Sad eyes  
You are the only one whose blue skies are grey  
So don't cry  
You'll be the only one to make them go away

_Sad eyes  
You are the only one whose blue skies are grey  
So don't cry  
You'll be the only one to make them go away_

Richard walked up to Thatcher, Derek by his side, surprising him by their presence.

He stood there and took in the sight of the man.

"What are you doing here Thatcher?" Richard finally asked.

"I came to pay my respects." Thatcher had replied in a short manner.

"You were not welcome here." Derek said heatedly, for he had learned the truth about Thatcher at a young age, and had vowed never to let the man any where near his family again.

"We share a daughter. I have every right." Thatcher replied, having grown a backbone when it came to arguing for his rights against any male.

"You share nothing." Richard said in a stern manner. "Meredith is no longer yours, and the hold you had over Ellis was broken the day that she died. The game is over Thatcher."

Thatcher shook his head. "I don't know what you are talking about." He said, but could not hide the wry smile that had crept onto his face with the knowledge that Ellis had been affected by him.

"Your games killed any relationship that Meredith and Ellis may have had, and if she only knew that her life was as such because of you, i assure you she would be the one standing here." Richard said smartly. "My daughter has a fire within her that outshines her mothers as she has had to fight for so much more. She is a force to be reckoned with, and i assure you that you would not walk away unscathed."

"She's my daughter." Thatcher replied, "not that i ever really wanted her."

Derek clenched his fist.

"However, she is mine and not yours. I can approach her if i wish." Thatcher finished.

Richard grimaced at the thought.

"There will be no approaching her." Derek said firmly. "I have told you once before, and i say it again. Stay the hell away from my family."

_  
Things are gonna go away  
Yeah they're gonna go your way  
All about to go your way_

Meredith looked up from where she was standing by her mother's grave to see that Addie and Preston were standing by the car. She looked around almost searchingly, wondering where her father and Derek had gone.

She soon spotted them standing untied and confronting the man whom had been watching her leave the service.

Meredith hoped that everything was ok, she wouldn't want anything to go wrong on a day like today.

She sighed, as she noticed Derek's stance and gesture up to Meredith

Moving down the hill away from her mother's grave she walked in the direction of her father and brother.

On reaching them she was surprised by the silence that had fallen between the trio who had seemed to had been talking heatedly earlier. She walked up to Richard and cuddled up to him. "Come on Daddy, i'm ready to go home now." She said quietly, and pulled on him as she encouraged them both to turn and walk away from the stranger.


	48. reflection

Thatcher having been rudely awakened by the gesture of Meredith's to intervene in front of him, despite the fact that she knew not of what role he had already played in her life and usher Richard – whom she had called 'daddy' away from what she had obviously thought was some sort of a confrontation – which it was.

He pondered exactly what he has done with his life, to have his own flesh and blood in front of him and not be acknowledged. The punishment of his own mistakes.

**he says he looks in the mirror  
and he can't tell anymore  
who he really is and who they believe him to be  
and he says he walks a thin line  
between what is and what could be  
and he's getting closer  
to something he can't understand**

cause there's a crack in his plastic crown  
and his throne of ice is melting  
he climbed his ladder  
there was nothing there  
now it's a long way down

cause on and on and on he goes  
dancing on the grave  
of what he thought was still alive  
and on and on and on he goes  
dancing in mansions made of twigs  
and castles made of sand

he says his head is filled with  
cartoons and fairy tales  
and he's trapped inside a dungeon of dolls  
with smiles on their faces  
he's built a pretty cage  
his show's on a beautiful stage  
with candy coated prison bars  
and chains that look like jewelry

cause there's a crack in his plastic crown  


**and his throne of ice is melting  
he climbed his ladder  
there was nothing there  
now it's a long way down**

cause on and on and on he goes  
dancing on the grave  
of what he thought was still alive  
and on and on and on he goes  
dancing in mansions made of twigs  
and castles made of sand

cause he lives inside  
of fairy tales and castles now  
and there's room inside  
for false expectations and illusions

there's a crack in his plastic crown  
and his throne of ice is melting  
he climbed his ladder  
there was nothing there  
now it's a long way down  
it's a long way down

on and on and on he goes  
dancing on the grave  
of what he thought was still alive  
hey on and on and on he goes  
**dancing in mansions made twigs  
and castles made of sand**

cause on and on and on he goes  
dancing on the grave  
of what he thought was still alive  
and on and on and on he goes  
dancing in mansions made of twigs  
and castles made of sand

cause on and on and on he goes  
dancing on the grave  
(on and on and on he goes) of what he thought was still alive  
and on and on and on he goes  


**dancing in mansions made of twigs  
and castles made of sand**

Richard was proud of Meredith. He had spoken true words about her to Thatcher and honestly loved her with all his heart. He could see that she had grown to be worthy of any praise. She had finesse about her. She was this little girl – now woman – who had not grown up under the best circumstances. She had a way about her.

He could see how she affected not only his life, but those around him: Her family, her colleagues, her friends. He could see how she had connected all of them. The events over the past week an obvious example. She had ignored her crutchers for the day, and had only brought one to the service not wanting to be a hindrance. When he felt her pull on him and urge to usher him away from trouble, despite the crutch aiding her. He knew, more now than ever that he loved her like she was his own.

**Grace  
Despite your years  
I hope you find  
Peace  
Despite your fears  
I hope you find  
Love  
Through all your years  
I hope you find  
Joy  
Despite your tears**

Love you dearly  
I do  
Love you dearly  
That I do

And the strong may take  
Advantage of the weak  
And your love entangles us  
In our sleep  
Like the dirt beneath our toes  
And our feet  
Black and white the only colors that we see

You're the only one I see  


**You're the only one I see  
And when I found you  
I found me  
Cos I'm the door  
And you're the key  
You're the only one I see  
When I found you  
I found me  
I found it all  
Yeah  
I found you  
When I found me  
I found you  
I found me  
Take this all away from me**

Preston loved Meredith – she was his sister, and as he stood with Addie watching her tend to her brother and step father he could see in her the qualities he hoped people could find in him.

She was this beauty and strength.

She was a wisdom.

She was a fighter...

But most of all... she was everything he wanted to be and more. She was his sister that he was proud of, his friend, his guiding light.

**Running around this town  
Looking for something  
That I know I'll never find  
Running out of breath  
I gotta learn to see things  
In a different light**

When the light turns dark  


**And I can't find my way  
When I'm falling down  
Will you take my hand, tonight?**

Show me the right way  
Show me the right way to go  
Show me the right way to go and  
I'll meet you there  
My guiding light

Back on my feet again  
Where you're taking me  
Is still a mystery  
I'm never looking back  
Cos what I left was only  
Gonna drag me down

When the day turns night  
And I start to loose my grip  
When I'm on my knees  
Will you take my hand, tonight?

Show me the right way  
Show me the right way to go  
Show me the right way to go and  
I'll meet you there  
I'll meet you there  
I'll meet you there  
I'll meet you there

Show me the right way  
Don't leave me here on my own  
Deserts and highways have left me  
With nowhere to go

Show me the right way  
Show me the right way to go  
Show me the right way to go and  
I'll meet you  
Show me the right way to go and  
I'll meet you there  
My guiding light

Derek had been grateful that Meredith had shown when she had. He was worried that he was definitely going to hit the man that he had hated for years. He wouldn't have really cared if he did, but it was not something he had wanted to do on the day of his mother's funeral.

He walked beside her and Richard back to the car. He watched her every move, one crutch under her arm – aiding her movement.

There was something about his sister that he had always admired. He guessed that it was that she had fought so hard to be where she was. That she had been kicked when she was down, or could it be that she had done so much in her life alone – that she could go do anything by herself if she must.

Throughout the years she had always been there for him – despite the issues that had occurred in her life – the blunders either of them had made.

She was his sister, his best friend and his role model.

He had been captivated about her from the day that she had been born, and it was only now that he was willing to acknowledge – that no matter where their paths may take them – no matter the past, he will forever be captivated by his baby sister.

**  
She's got a way about her  
I don't know what it is  
But I know that I can't live without her  
She's got a way of pleasin'  
I don't know why it is  
But there doesn't have to be a reason anywhere**

She's got a smile that heals me  
I don't know what it is  
But I have to laugh when she reveals me  
She's got a way of talkin'  
I don't know why it is  
But it lifts me up when we are walkin' anywhere

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down  
Inspires me without a sound  
She touches me and I get turned around  
She's got a way of showin'  
How I make her feel  


**And I find the strength to keep on goin'  
She's got a light around her  
And ev'rywhere she goes a million  
Dreams of love surround her ev'rewhere**

She comes to me when I'm feelin' down  
Inspires me without a sound  
She touches me, I get turned around oh oh oh

She's got a smile that heals me  
I don't know why it is  
But I have to laugh when she reveals me  
She's got a way about her  
I don't know what it is  
But I know that I can't live without her any way

Addie watched the love of her life walking towards her. She had been overwhelmed with emotion and curiosity when desire had burned within her for her fiance's little sister.

It had been awkward to say the least when she finally accepted that it was her that she had wanted to spend the rest of her life with – not Derek.

Now as she saw Meredith walk towards her, knowing how far they had come, and that they still had a lifetime ahead of them. She knew that they will be together forever. It would just be them – together in a crowded room – nobody else mattering as long as they were in each others arms.

**what day is it  
and in what month  
this clock never seemed so alive  
I can't keep up  
and I can't back down  
I've been losing so much time**

cause it's you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to lose  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  


**I can't keep my eyes off of you**

all of the things that I want to say  
just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping inwards  
you got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to prove  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now  
I can't quite figure out  
everything she does is beautiful  
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to lose  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people  
with nothing to do  
nothing to prove  
and it's you and me and all of the people  
and I don't know why  
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it  
and in what month  
this clock never seemed so **alive**


	49. watching u

Meredith was like a whole new person. Addie had never seen her look so open, so happy, so... free. She was smiling , there was a bounce in her step and she even looked prouder. It seemed that she was at peace with things.

Addie had never thought that she could fall in love anymore, and yet she had helplessly. She couldn't keep her eyes off of her. She needed to see her and be near her as much as she could. She wanted to touch her and love her as often as Meredith would allow – Which seemed more often now then it had before.

There was something more intense about their love making. Addie couldn't describe it. It wasn't as if they hadn't made love before, but everything felt new. Whether it was a new level or just the change in Meredith, but each session held far more than the last.

Addie found herself today, like she had on many other occasions, lingering by the nurses station on 4. She was watching Meredith tend to a patient. She stood there with a huge smile on her face. She couldn't take her eyes off of her.

Meredith was smiling as she talked with the young girl who was in with a brain tumor.

"She's happy." Bailey commented, and Addie nodded. She was in complete awe of the person who she made her wife.

"Her attitude is amazing, and all her patients have said as much." Bailey continued.

"She's a completely new person." Addie commented. "She brings so much more to our relationship now."

Bailey nodded in understanding as she too had seen the obvious changes in Meredith. She was thrilled that her intern was happy, but happier still when her best friend seemed to also have a new lease on life.

"We're going to L.A. in two weeks." Addie told Bailey.

Bailey looked curiously at Addie. She had heard whispers about it, but had not been sure if it was true.

"We're going to see Naomi." Addie said with a smile. "She wants us to start our family."

"And the pregnant one will be?" Bailey asked.

"I'm not sure yet... have been hoping that she will say yes to two babies." Addie smiled. "That way we can be pregnant together."

Bailey nodded her head. She wasn't at all surprised by this. After all – if she really knew Addie as much as she had originally hoped, then she had to admit she knew that she would get her way sooner or later.

Addie had spoken all of this – still watching Meredith closely.

"I have to go, but Addie, i'm happy for you guys." Bailey told her.

Addie turned a moment and smiled thanks before returning to watching Meredith, whom was now walking towards her.

"Hey you." Meredith said with a big smile.

"Hey" Addie said with a content sigh as Meredith moved close and pressed her up against the desk.

"What are you thinking about?" Meredith asked.

"Ummm... who says i was thinking." Addie said with a smile.

"Me... ok... well i have been thinking." Meredith said with a giggle.

"Oh yeah" Addie said interested.

"Yeah." Meredith beamed as she leaned in and kissed her softly. "On call room." Meredith whispered.

"Lead the way." Addie replied.


	50. screaming down the house

Meredith led the way to the on call room. He head was racing with the thoughts of what she could do to Addison. Her body was tingling with the anticipation of her touch.

Meredith had noticed how everything had changed lately and she was not scared by it. Instead she was embracing it. She had never felt as alive, as real as she was lately.

Everything that had happened lately, and the loss of her mother, would surely have sent her in a downward spiral, but for her it hadn't. Meredith felt as if her mother's last words had given her a new lease on life. Of course something's had been strange to her. Like the man who had been at the back of the church watching her, and that same man having what seemed to have been a heated discussion with her dad and brother, and as all of these things jumped out at her, and as curious as she was about all these things. To her – they no longer mattered. All that mattered was that her mother had loved her, and that the person that she was with loved her too.

Meredith pushed the door open and walked in, stopping short on the other side of the door as she quickly checked to make sure all the beds were empty. She knew that Addie would wait a moment before venturing in, and so she made a point of getting herself ready, choosing which bed they were going to occupy, and then making herself comfortable by laying down on it.

Addie had waited a few minutes before venturing in. She had opened the door quietly, and looked around the hall before slipping completely in. She closed the door and made sure to flick the latch – locking out any snoops.

Addie then walked into the room further, looking at each of the beds to make sure they were empty. She was sure that Meredith would have done this before but she was not going to wait to find out.

On reaching the middle bed she found Meredith laying on the bottom bunk, she had let her hair out and was looking up with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Are you worried that i would want someone to watch?" Meredith asked.

Addie blushed and shook her head. "Sometimes i wonder... i mean you do usually scream the house down... i figured you liked people to know what we were doing."

Meredith giggled as she reached for Addie's hand and pulled her down onto the bed. "It's only you that can make me scream like that." She whispered seductively to Addie as she leaned in to kiss her.

Addie smiled against Meredith's mouth as she then leaned in and pushed Meredith back onto the bed. One hand supporting her as the other hand ran over Meredith's slim stomach.

Addie deepened the kiss as Meredith's hands ran down her sides before crossing to the centre of her pants, running her hand seductively over her crutch before moving up to begin to untie her scrub pants.

Meredith moaned as Addie's mouth pulled away from hers and began working its way down her neck.

Addie sighed as she felt the pants loosen at her hips and knew that Meredith had managed to get them all undone.

Meredith smirked as she slid the scrub pants off of Addie's hips and pushed them down to expose Addie's thong. She was wearing the thong that Meredith had bought her just last week.

"Hot" Meredith murmured

"Hmmmm" Addie moaned as she moved back up as Meredith flipped her.

Addie - now on the bottom, worked quickly at untying Meredith's scrub bottoms. All she wanted to do was taste her, feel her, pleasure her. She knew that she would be able to do it soon, and the anticipation was building.

Meredith felt her pants slide off her hips as she attacked Addie's neck, her free hand was roaming under Addie's top, as she moved to push her bra up so she could massage her breasts.

Addie sighed as she then moved to pull down Meredith's undies.

Meredith was wearing a play pair of boy leg undies. Addie knew that she only wore those to work as they were the most comfortable – almost as good as granny undies when you want to be a slob.

Meredith shivered from Addie's touch. Her skin burning everywhere Addie's hands went. She felt like she was on fire.

Addie took the opportunity to run her finger between Meredith's folds, which caused Meredith to whimper.

Meredith was hot and ready, and Addie wanted nothing more to make her scream.

Addie settled in beside her, her hands moving to remove both her shirt and Meredith's, knowing that it felt wrong not to see Meredith's whole body.

Now that she was looking at Meredith's pale skin, she quite happily let her hands roam all over her body. She moved in to suckle on one of Meredith's breasts. She had been surprised that Meredith hadn't been wearing one.

"I wanted this... it's in my locker." Meredith had managed through her moans of pleasure.

Addie smiled as her hand moved down her body further. She heard Meredith gasp as he tongue slipped between the moist fold that were her core.

"Oh... Add." Meredith moaned as Addie licked her over as if she was a child licking a spatula clean from making chocolate cake.

"Oh add..." Meredith murmured again. She was climbing her peak fast. Her body tingling as it continued it's journey, but as she was about to reach orgasm, Addie pulled back.

"Please" Meredith gasped as she was trying to get her breath back. "Please."

Addie smirked as she moved her fingers in between her folds and thrusted into her.

What started as two fingers thrusting aiming to send her into screams of delight moved to include Addie's thumb which had taken up residency next to Meredith's clit, rubbing the nub with every thrust into Meredith.

Addie worked meticulously, but with great self pleasure in knowing that every moan that escaped Meredith, every whimper, was built up by her own touch and her own wants for Meredith.

As Meredith peaked Addie moved quick to cover her mouth in a kiss. She kissed her thoroughly and deeply, making sure that she captured Meredith's scream of delight.

Resting her head on the pillow by Meredith's after finishing her fantastic assault she lay almost as sated as Meredith. She had felt great from having carried out such a fantastic love making session. Anyone would have thought that it had been her to have been the one that was pleasured.

Meredith rolled slightly to look into Addie's eyes. "My turn." She whispered, having made sure that she was physically able to continue this.

Addie's eyes darkened further with Desire. Both knew that this was not the right spot for this, but also that they would not have been able to wait to get home for it.


	51. naked temptation

Lying sated on the on – call room bed, Meredith smiled. She had always managed to have great sex with Addie, yet she knew there was more to it now. More emotion and if possible, more love.

Meredith had noticed the changes within herself, and now longed to be 'with child' more than she ever could have dreamed. She longed to be carrying Addison's child more than anything else, and even though the decision had been made to take that step, nothing more had really been done.

Meredith was not sure what exactly was holding them back as it had been almost a month and a half since the decision had been made. She thought that maybe Addie was having 2nd thoughts. Or was it that she was not sure if it was something that Meredith herself still wanted. Either way Meredith had the urge to discuss it now.

Addie was lying next to her. Both were naked and quite comfortable being together.

Meredith rolled onto her side and looked over her wife. She knew that she had a lot that she wished to talk over with Addie, and she only hoped that now would be as good a time as any?

Addie smiled up at her dreamily as Meredith moved to rest a hand on Addison's flat stomach. Her thumb began tracing circles over her skin.

"Honey" Meredith opened but seemed to get distracted by the look in Addie's eyes.

"Sweetie" Addie said quietly as one hand moved to run along Meredith's side.

"I've been thinking..." she managed to get out as her body began to tingle from Addie's touch.

"Yeah" Addie sighed.

"Babies" Meredith murmured.

"Hmmm..." Addie moaned to show that she was listening.

"Maybe i should wait until we're dresses." Meredith said as she knew that they were both getting distracted by the others nakedness and touch.

"no you can talk" Addie murmured as she rolled onto her side to face Meredith.

"Addie" Meredith groaned. "This is important."

"Hmmm..."

Meredith knowing that they wouldn't get anywhere like this refused to continue. Instead she leant in and kissed Addison passionately.

"Get Dressed." Meredith ordered when she pulled away.

Addie went to protest as Meredith climbed over her. She even went as far as running one of her fingers between Meredith's moist folds.

Meredith moaned in delight and almost fell back onto the bed ready to encourage another love making session. However, her will soon won out and she dressed quickly before looking down upon Addie's naked body.

"So you still need to get dressed." She told her as she leaned in to kiss her. "When you do, come find me in the cafeteria. That way we can eat and talk."

Addie groaned.

"If you really want this baby you'll be there." Meredith told her. "So get dressed and meet me there."

Meredith kissed her quickly one more time before she moved to the door. She opened it and flicked the switch knowing that the door would latch behind her.

"Mer" Addie groaned as she watched her disappear.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAG

Derek snickered as he watched Meredith leave the on call room, and he waited a few moments expecting to see Addie come out, but to his surprise she didn't.

He was curious to say the least, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. However, he was sure that he had see Addie follow Mer in there.

He had a battle of the wills before he finally gave in to temptation and moved to the on – call room . He knocked on the door only to hear Addie giggle. "I knew you'd come back."

Derek couldn't help but chuckle as he heard Addie bashing around but he was a little surprised when the door unlocked and opened to reveal a half dressed Addie.

"You know 10 years ago i wouldn't have been able to resist." Derek stirred.

Addie blushed and quickly closed the door in his face.

"Right, well your wife's no longer anywhere in sight." Derek called through the door. "So you might want to get dressed and get back to work."

He stood there listening to her bashing around the place before she finally opened the door and glared at him.

"Arse" she grumbled as she pushed past him.

Derek couldn't help but chuckle as he watched Addie walk down the hall, her scrub top on backwards.


	52. a slap to the head

Meredith was sitting talking to Derek by the time Addie reached the cafeteria. Addie groaned when she saw Derek look up at her and laugh.

Meredith had looked up to see what Derek was laughing at only to smile at the unhappy look she wore.

"What did you DO?" Meredith asked him.

Derek laughed a bit more before turning to answer. "When i said that i bumped into a very interesting sight in the on-call room, i didn't tell you that when she left she had her shirt on backwards" Derek explained.

As amusing as she found it she could see that Addie was not at all happy about it, and therefore chose to hide her laughter.

Derek's laughter dropped as Addie reached than and slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ouch..." Derek said pointedly.

"Scoot" Addie told him as she then leaned over and gave Meredith a kiss.

Derek shook his head and looked from Addison to Meredith.

"Took your time" Meredith said quietly.

Derek couldn't help but chuckle at the comment.

"Der..." Meredith sighed in warning

"I would have been here sooner if someone had bothered to tell me about my scrub top." She said as she looked straight as Derek.

"Who told you?" he asked in amusement.

"It's such a thrilling thing to be told by your father in law - in front of gossiping nurses – that your top is on the wrong way."

Derek chuckled and Meredith threw him another warning look.

"Fine i'll leave you girls to your... whatever." He sighed, pushing back his chair and standing.

Meredith looked up at him through raised eyebrows.

Derek leaned down and kissed her forehead before resting a hand on Addie's shoulder. "I'll see you in the OR Mer and Addie - i will be seeing you at tea tonight." He told them, effectively jogging their memories of their plans for the evening.

Addie gave him a quick nod before Meredith sighed a "Bye Der."


	53. lets hear it

Meredith watched Derek leave before turning back to look at Addie.

Addie frowned slightly as she tried to read Meredith's face.

"So" Meredith sighed.

"So" Addie repeated.

"Babies." Meredith reminded her.

"Hmmm... what about it?" Addie asked as she had forgotten to tell Meredith that she had made an appointment with Naomi.

"Well since Mom passed away you haven't mentioned it." Meredith said quietly. She bit her lip nervously.

"Sweetie" Addie said searching Meredith's face.

"It's just... are we going to do this?" Meredith asked. "I mean we were going to and i want to more now than ever before and you haven't mentioned anything and i'm slowly beginning to freak out and i'm ready now and i never ever thought that i could possibly be ready and it's just i don't know whether you still want this because it is big and there is still so much we need to discuss..."

Addie reached over and took Meredith's hand. She then leaned over to give her a kiss in efforts to silence her.

Meredith went quiet and kissed Addie back. "Hmmmm..." she sighed.

Addie smiled when she pulled back. "That was quite the ramble." She noted.

Meredith sighed again.

"So you've been thinking about this?" Addie commented.

Meredith nodded.

"I'm all ears sweetie." Addie replied.

Meredith tilted her head to study Addie.

"You walked out on more on-call room love to discuss this Mer. Let me hear it." Addie encouraged.

Meredith bit her bottom lip at first and Addie had to resist the want to kiss her again. "ok" Meredith all but whispered.

Addie kept hold of her hand and ran a thumb over her palm. Meredith reached for her drink and took a sip before turning to look at Addie again.

"I want to carry your baby." Meredith said with as much courage as she could muster.


	54. i'll go

Addie had been taken off guard by Meredith's statement. She was not sure if it was so much as a question as it was a statement. She was not sure what she should say so she just tilted her head. "Go on" she encouraged.

Meredith was not sure whether she should. It looked as if she already had her stumped. Sighing she swallowed her fear and continued.

"It's just that i love you honey and that would be the ultimate connection. I know it's probably strange but i would think it's sweet and i don't know what it is but lately all i've wanted is to feel pregnant." She stopped her ramble to look at Addie. She struggled to take deep breaths.

She had no idea what she was thinking. Meredith could see that Addie was freaked out by what she had said.

Meredith sat for a moments watching Addie process everything she had said. Soon the silence got too much for her and she stood. "I'll go... "i'll just go."

Addie seemed to look straight through her.

"I'll go." Meredith all but whimpered as she pushed her chair in. She took one last look at Addie before turning and walking away. The silence of Addie still bearing down on her, breaking her heart.


	55. my mess

Addie's head was swimming from all that Meredith had said. It had taken a few moments to realise that Meredith was walking away. She could see by the way that Meredith carried herself that she was shattered by her silence.

"Shit" Addie cursed. She quickly stood, pushing her chair back, causing it to fall over.

People looked up at the crash of the chair.

Addie didn't pick it up. Instead she ignored the looks from everyone as she ran to catch up with Meredith who was already at the doors to go inside.

She didn't know what to say to her in regards to what Meredith had said.

"Mer" she chanced as she entered the building.

A few people continued to watch the attending chase down her partner – the first year intern.

Meredith didn't respond to Addie's calls. She didn't want to let her see the pain that her silence caused, or the tears. She tried to walk 

quicker, but ended up breaking into a jog as she reached the stair well. If Addie could be silent then she could be too.

Addie sighed when she watched Meredith speed up.

"What's wrong?" she heard Preston ask as she broke through the door of the stairwell and onto the 2nd floor. "Mer?" he called as he watched her duck into a supply closet.

Addie sighed as she slowed down and reached preston.

"Addie?" Preston asked.

"She said things." Addie said as she regained her breath. "Big things... caught me off guard."

Preston nodded not sure what to say. He thought for a moment as he let her regain her breath.

"Do you want me to?" he finally asked as he gestured to the closet that she had ducked into.

"No, i got this." Addie sighed.

Preston nodded and then rested a hand on Addie's shoulder.

"Let me know if there's anything i can do." He told her.

Addie smiled and thanked him before making sure that he knew that this was her mess.

Preston gave Addie's shoulder a squeeze and watched as she walked towards the door.

Addie thought about knocking but then shook her head at the stupidity of the thought – after all who would knock on a supply closet.

Sighing one last time she took hold of the door handle and turned it.


	56. 2 become 1

Meredith sat in the supply closet.

There were a few tears streaking her face but she didn't want to cry. She had always hated crying.

She didn't understand why Addie was so quiet. She had thought she would be pleased or something, but the silence... silence was something she had become accustomed with from her mother not from her wife and lover.

When Addie opened the door Meredith didn't look up. She just sat there studying her ring, trying to think about their life together so far and the big steps that she was now ready to take.

Silence had never really been something that they as a couple ever did. They would yell, scream and occasionally break things and then they'd avoid. They never did the silence thing. Silence scared Meredith and Addie knew that as silence had always meant to Meredith something bad.

Addie looked down at Meredith and sat down next to her.

She went to put her arm around her but felt Meredith tense and shift away from her slightly.

Addie couldn't help but let out a sigh.

Meredith took her ring completely off her finger.

Addie was watching her every move.

Meredith set the ring on the floor between them.

Addie was not sure what Meredith was doing and what this represented

"Give me your ring." Meredith said quietly.

Addie stared at her nervously.

"Give me your ring." Meredith said again.

Addie looked down at her wedding band. She never took it off, and when she had surgery she pinned it to her scrubs.

"Give me that damn ring." Meredith said one last time.

"Take it" Addie said sadly as she held her left hand out to her.

Meredith moved quickly and ripped the ring off Addie's finger.

She held it in her hand studying it. She thought of all it represented and everything that had happened since the day she had put it on Addie's finger.

Finally Meredith placed it on top of the other so it looked like one ring. "Two become one." She murmured at the complete structure.

"Conventional." Addie said quietly.

Meredith sat quietly and studied the model that she presented. She moved to wipe away her tears.

She then looked at Addie who was looking confused at the tiny structure.

She lifted Addie's left hand and kissed where her ring usually resided.

"Think about it." She sighed as she then dropped Addie's hand.

She pushed herself up off of the floor and composed herself before moving to the door. She turned the handle and opened it.

She stopped when she was half way out and turned to face Addie who was still looking down at the rings. "and addie." Meredith said quietly. "We don't do silence. Remember that... it's over rated."

With that she moved the rest of the way out of the doorway and closed it. Leaving Addie alone with the rings.


	57. abstract

Addie picked up both rings. She held them in the palm of her hands. She didn't know what that was all about. She had intended on talking to Meredith when she had walked into the supply closet. She didn't anticipate on being stripped of her wedding band and left with its partner as well.

Staring at the rings in her hand she was trying to comprehend the symbolism Meredith was trying for Meredith's words were tearing through her head. "Two become one." Meredith had said.

Remaking the structure in her hand she looked as the two rings became the one formation. 'Damn her for being so abstract.' Addie thought as she continued to play with the rings.

She tried hard to think back over everything that had happened. She smiled at the memory of the hot sex that they had. How fast things had quickly moved. How Meredith had tried to talk to her there. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had.

"I want to carry your baby." Was what Meredith had said. The words she had known had taken courage. They had been said with strength that Addie had never seen.

Toying with the rings she had slipped hers back on. She had told Meredith that her presentation was conventional. That's what had 

thrown her. There was nothing conventional about them. What had she meant by the rings?

Squeezing Meredith's ring in her own she racked her brain at what Meredith meant. Shaking her head she pushed herself up off of the floor. Standing she took a few deep breaths as she tried to clear her mind and just focus on Meredith.

Finally deciding that it was easier to just talk to Meredith she reached for the handle and turned it. Taking one last breath she pushed her shoulders back determined to get the bottom of this and make sure that at the end of the day the ring in her hand will be back where it belonged.


	58. conventional

Meredith had scrubbed in alongside Derek. He had been able to sense that she had things on her mind but knew that she wouldn't be scrubbing in if she wasn't able to focus.

"You good?" he asked as he tilted his head to look at her.

"I wouldn't be here if i wasn't" she replied.

Derek nodded having anticipated such a response he stood back and looked her over. There was something missing and he was not sure what it was. "You and Addie?" he asked.

"Are fine" she replied and couldn't help but hope that it was true. It had been over an hour since she had left Addie in the closet.

Derek watched her closely. He knew that she would open up if she needed. "ready to go?" he asked.

Meredith nodded. She then watched as Derek made his way into the OR. Moving away from the bench she followed him just in time to hear his ritual. "it's a beautiful day to save lives people, let's have some fun."

Straightening up Meredith then moved to the surgical table prepared to assist.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

They were an hour into the surgery when Meredith felt Addie looking down upon her. She looked up curiously and watched as Addie moved to the intercom. Merediht dropped her gaze back to what Derek was doing.

"Everything ok?" he asked.

Meredith sighed. "Yes"

"Good" he replied not even looking up.

They heard the intercom click before Addie's voice came over the speaker. "We are not conventional." She said.

Meredith looked up at Addie and nodded.

"Are you sure you want to do this here?" Derek asked.

"What the hell" Meredith told him.

"Ok as long as you stay focused." He warned.

"I'm not a male Der, i can multi-task." She replied.

"We're not conventional." Addie said again.

Meredith gestured to the scrub nurse to flick the intercom. "Your point being?" she replied.

"It's just... Mer we are not conventional."

"Did you sit in that closet for all this time and only get that much out of it?" Meredith asked.

"You know i don't do symbolism." Addie sighed.

"Symbolism?" Derek asked.

"I did this thing..." Meredith told him. "with our rings."

"Oh" Derek said quietly.

"Mer" Addie groaned. "A little help."

"Ok, so we are not conventional." Meredith replied. "I am glad after 8 years you've finally figured it out."

A few of the nurses giggled and Derek shot the a disapproving look.

"Dont be smart" Addie whined.

Meredith looked up at Addie. "SO?" she asked.

"A little help?" Addie asked. " I get that we are not conventional and therefore nothing we can do is conventional.'

"yes" Meredith agreed.

"And this child is not conventional for us." Addie said.

"Your pregnant?" Derek asked as he looked up at Meredith.

"No neither of us are." Addie answered. "But we will be."

"I.V.F" Meredith told him.

"Oh" he again sounded as he was gathering all this information.

"So what?" Meredith asked her.

"So the two rings resemble us?" she asked.

Meredith nodded, and Derek could see that she was smiling behind her mask.

"But i still don't get the 2 become 1." Addie sighed.

Meredith swallowed and looked at Derek before looking around the room.

"Come on Mer." Addie pleaded over the intercom.

Meredith sighed. "If the two rings are us... what does the one represent?" she asked.

"Our connection?" Addie asked.

Meredith groaned. "No"

"Mer" Addie said getting frustrated.

"What did i suggest earlier in the cafeteria?" Meredith asked.

Addie thought about the day's events. She still remembered clear as day the conversation that they had had in the cafeteria.

"Do you remember what i said i wanted?" she asked.

Addie nodded.

"So that would be what our one suggested." Meredith informed her.

Addie sighed and was running through the thoughts whirling through her head as she tried to get understanding.

Meredith sighed. "Do you get it yet?" she asked.

Addie groaned. "Give me a second..."

Meredith looked to Derek. "How much longer do we have to go?" she asked.

"A couple of hours." He replied and looked at her sympathetically.

Addie looked down at her, a frown still on her face.

"What is the conventional way?" Meredith cued her.

"Man and woman... both contributing to the conception of a child." Addie said simply. She looked at Meredith and almost wanted to ask her whether she seriously thought her dumb.

"It's good to know that you understand the workings of the field that you master." Meredith said smartly. She could see that Addie was scolding her with her eyes.

Derek chuckled from where he stood. He had figured out the symbolism that Meredith had obviously aimed for.

"Can i interfere?" he finally asked as he wanted to put Addie out of her misery.

"Shouldn't you be focusing on the surgery?" Addie asked.

"Hey, this conversation is going on in my O.R." he replied curtly.

"Fine" Adie snapped.

"You and Meredith can not have a child the conventional way." He told Addie.

"Obviously." She replied.

"Well what i am guessing is that my baby sister was seeking something that would have both of you contributing to the birth of that child you want." Derek stated.

Meredith nodded to say that he was correct.

"Right" Addie sighed.

"Two become one... in our own way." Meredith said quietly.

Derek smiled over at his sister. He knew that whatever she had proposed had caught Addie off guard.

Addie stood there quietly.

"And the silence returns." Meredith all but whispered.

Derek sighed, now knowing what was going on between the two.

"Ok" Addie said, breaking her silence. "We can do it." She said nervously.

Meredith looked up in shock.

"But as long as it is reciprocated." Addie said nervously.

Meredith nodded and Derek could see that she was smiling a smile that reached her eyes.

"Love you Mer." Addie said quietly.

Meredith could see her toying with the ring in her hand.

"When can i return this? It doesn't belong here." Addie asked.

"I will meet you in your office after i am finished here." Meredith told her.

Addie nodded and flicked off the microphone for her intercom.

Meredith watched as Addie moved towards the door of the gallery.

"Addie" Mer said quickly.

Addie turned to look down at them again.

"Love you too" Meredith said loud and proud.

Addie nodded and then continued to the door.

"Glad that's sorted." Derek sighed.

"Sorry Der." Meredith said quietly as she returned her focus completely on the surgery.


	59. I CRAVE YOU

Meredith left the scrub room feeling content and looking forward to seeing Addie. She really needed to get her wedding ring back as she truly felt naked without it.

Addie had returned to her office after her conversation with Meredith from the gallery looking down over the O.R. She had put herself busily on task to clean the office and making sure everything was set for when Meredith arrived.

Meredith hoped that Addie was in her office, but not sure whether she would have been called away for work Meredith pulled out her mobile phone and sent her a quick text.

_FINISHED SURGERY – WHERE ARE YOU?? XX_

She moved down the halls with Derek. She knew that she had to accompany him to tell the patients family that their daughter was alright and that the surgery had gone smoothly.

_IN OFFICE... HURRY XXX_

Was the reply that she received.

Derek shook his head thinking that the couple were more like the teenagers around today that had their mobile phones glued to their hands.

_JUST NEED TO TALK TO PATIENTS FAMILY... WHY DO I NEED TO HURRY??_

She replied as Derek led her on to the elevator.

She sighed as she leant back against the wall. Derek copying her stance as they were both relieved to be out of surgery.

"You can go to her now if you want." He offered.

Meredith shook her head. "Sorry Der." She sighed. "And speaking to the patients families is a part of the job."

Derek shook his head a little before looking towards the doors. "Yeah i guess."

Meredith looked at her brother for a moment. It seemed that he had something on his mind.

"Der if you need to talk, you know where i am here." She reminded.

"Yeah" he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

Meredith's phone beeped and she looked down to read the next message she had sent.

_NEED YOU... LOVE YOU... WANT YOU... CRAVE YOU_

Addie had replied.

Meredith couldn't help but smile at the thought.

_HOW BAD DO YOU WANT ME?_

She couldn't help but ask. She hoped that she could get Addie worked up into a tizzy before she arrived.

Meredith looked back up at Derek and could see that he was sad about something. She was worried about him, and not sure if there was anything she could do.

_I AM SO WET FOR YOU RIGHT NOW_

Addie wrote back, and Meredith couldn't help but blush.

"Mer" Derek sighed.

"Yeah?" she asked as she looked back from what she was writing in response.

_HMMM... YOU KNOW I LIKE YOU WET, ESPECIALLY WHEN MY MOUTH IS NEAR BY._

"How do you bounce back?" Derek asked as he looked down at his hands.

Meredith tilted her head to look at him. She could see that he looked more tired than usual.

"What do you mean?" she asked as her phone sounded again.

_MER DONT SAY THOSE THINGS UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO FOLLOW THROUGH_

Addie had replied.

There was a moment silence as she watched Derek gather his thoughts.

_YOU KNOW BABY I AM GOING TO TAKE YOU FOR THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE... BUT FIRST I WANT MY RING BACK._

Derek looked over at Meredith and then moved back to stand beside her again.

"You bounce back." He told her. "You get kicked in the guts, but then you always bounce back."

Meredith considered all that he was saying. "I have an amazing support network." She told him. "If i didn't have you, dad or Preston, i have no idea where i would be."

"Yeah?" he asked looking hopeful.

"Yeah, i mean i love Addie to bits, and she has been my rock for the past 8 years. But you guys have been there for me constantly. Why?" she asked.

PROMISES PROMISES...

"It's just..." he sighed. He looked down for a moment. It wasn't quite often that Meredith every saw him like this. "Am i going to be alone forever?" he asked.

Meredith put her phone away and moved closer to Derek, bringing a hand up to rest on his shoulder. "Der, you're not alone."

He sighed and looked up at her. "But i am... and now that moms gone... i am feeling it more."

Meredith moved to pull Derek into a hug. "You'll never be alone Der, you will always have me." She promised as she buried her head in his shoulder, and squeezing him close.

"You miss mom?" she asked.

"Yeah" he sighed, and when she pulled back she noticed the tears.

She lifted her hand up to wipe them away. "I miss her too." Meredith confessed as she buried her head back into his shoulder. She was amazed at how close they were despite the long road their lives had taken.

_TEXT ME WHEN YOU'RE ALMOST HERE_

_MER...??_

_ARE YOU STILL COMING??_

_WHATS GOING ON??_

Addie had sent to her as Meredith got side tracked in trying to cheer up her brother.

_I NEED YOU!_


	60. stood up

Addie was anxious. It had been an hour since she had last heard from her. She was trying to think back to the messages they had been sending. She hadn't said anything to Mer to cause this silence.

Sighing she knew that she should check in on her patients. So she looked around the room that she had set up for them. It hurt to have been stood up. She never thought Meredith would do that to her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Meredith knew that she should have contacted Addie. She knew that Addie was probably freaking out by now.

Looking at Derek who was now laying down on the couch, she knew that it was ok to leave. She had stayed with him, running her fingers through his hair until he had drifted to sleep. She had done this, as she remembered the times Richard had done when she had had nightmares.

Closing her eyes she let out a sigh. She knew that it had been over an hour since she had messaged Addie, and if she knew 

Addie, she would be completely freaked and reading way too much into it.

She stood and moved to kiss Derek on the forehead. She couldn't help but smile at how peaceful he looked. She hoped that there was someone out there for him, like Addie was for her.

Moving carefully to the door she did not want to wake him. She heard him stir as she opened the door, but when she looked back he was still sleeping.

Closing the door she set off to find Addie.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Addie looked at the watch on her wrist. It had now been 2 full hours since she had heard from Meredith. Closing up her chart she returns it to the pile and lets out a sigh.

Meredith watched her as she walked down the hall towards her. It was obvious just by the way that she was standing that she was upset.

Meredith hated the fact that she was responsible for her sadness. She watched as Addie slumped against the nurses desk.

Meredith knew that she had to do something and do it fast.

Her eyes were concentrated on her as she moved towards her. It didn't take her long before she found herself standing directly behind her.

Meredith wasn't even touching her and yet she knew that Addie could feel her. She had even heard her sigh.

Meredith moved closer still and wrapped and arm around her waist, her hand coming to rest on her abdomen. She felt Addie stiffen under her touch.

"I'm sorry i got caught up." Meredith whispered in her ear before dropping a kiss on her shoulder.

"Hmmm" Addie sighed.

"Der needed me." Meredith continued,

"You could have text or something." Addie told her, still not relaxing to her touch.

"I should have, but i didn't." Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry honey. I didn't think."

Addie shifted and looked to make a getaway but Meredith held her tighter.

"You want to yell, scream and break things." Meredith whispered. "I get that, i do. So how about you take my hand and walk with me back to your office and you can do all that before i make good on my promise."

"I'll walk with you, but i am not holding your hand." Addie told her as Meredith let her go.

"You know that sadness kills me." Meredith murmured as she pressed up against her. "but the anger, so hot it turns me on."


	61. respect, consideration, love

Addie led the way to her office. She walked with a determination that turned Meredith on more.

On entering the office Meredith had to resist temptation to push her up against the desk and have her way with her. It took a lot for her to focus on the fact that at any moment now Addie would be turning around and yelling at her. Of course the thought of Addie angry was turning her on so much that she felt herself heat up all the way to her core.

Holding back a moan as her head went a tizzy with porny thoughts.

"I don't know how you do it" Addie asked as she whirled around.

Meredith tried to hide her desire to jump her and tried hard to keep a straight face.

"Did you even think of me when you were off with your brother?" Addie asked. "I mean i had everything set up for us and then you didn't show."

"Addie " Meredith fake sighed as she secretly was turned on further.

"Don't Addie me. I love you. I love you and you treat me like shit. At least if i was going to be caught up i would have let you know."

Meredith smiled. 'i should make her angry more often.' She thought to herself. "Honey i said i am sorry." She said quietly.

"Damn it Mer." Addie cursed as she picked up the photo frame nearest her and slammed it on the desk causing the glass to break. "All i am asking for is a little respect, a little consideration and a little love."

Meredith looked at the broken photo frame and then at the aggressive look on Addie's face. "You want respect, consideration and love?" she asked as she took a step towards her. She couldn't hide the smirk that had now graced her face.

"Do not mock me."Addie warned her as she crossed her arms.

Meredith tilted her head. "I wouldn't dare mock the great Dr Addison Forbes Montgomery"

"I just asked you not to mock me." Addie answered stubbornly.

Meredith took another step towards her. "I'm not mocking you i am showing you respect by using your professional name. After all we are at work."

Addie stood defiantly, not wanting to let Meredith break through her barriers.

"And now i'm being considerate." Meredith told her as she took the frame out of her hand and pulled Addie away from the glass.

Addie sighed and tried not to acknowledge the fact that her skin burnt from Meredith's touch.

Meredith moved Addie to the couch before pushing her back.

Addie hit the couch and Meredith waited until she sat up before she mounted her. "now it is time for me to show you love."

"Mer" Addie started. She had every intention to fight Mer on this, but she had been wet and ready for her earlier and she always loved it when Mer became dominant. It always took their sex to kinkier levels.

Meredith moved quickly and removed Addie's jacket and began to pull on the base of her scrub top. "I am going to worship your body." Meredith told her as she began to place kisses in Addie's neck, slowly making her way up to her mouth, as she slowly lifted the scrub top up exposing Addie's milky skin. She only pulled away when she pulled the scrub top over her head.

"Too much... too many clothes... mer... you have too many clothes on." Addie gasped

Meredith moved back in, kissing her all over. "It's not about me, its all about loving you." She murmured.

"hmmm..." Addie sighed as Meredith's hands drifted down Addie's body before reaching behind her to unclasp her bra.

On removing it Meredith grinded up against her then she pushed Addie down on her side. She then laid her down completely on the couch. Meredith then dipped her head to capture one of Addie's nipples in her mouth.

Addie could not suppress the moan that built up within her. Meredith stayed sucking and teasing Addie's nipple as Addie squirmed below her.

Addie trying to gain some control reached for the base of Meredith's shirt and began pulling it up her body.

"Not today." Meredith murmured.

"Please." Addie pleaded.

"Not just yet." Meredith told her.

Addie didn't listen though. Instead she wanted to pleasure Mer in return. Not wanting Meredith to remove her mouth from its perfection... the gentle caresses of her mouth on her breasts... she ripped at it and somehow finding the strength within her, she tore it off.

Meredith gasped as did Addie when she found that she was still without her bra.

"I want you so bad, but i want all of you." Addie moaned.

"Tell me what you want" Mer ordered.

"I want to lick you clean while i return the favour." Addie managed.

"You want that? The ying yang... the good old 69?" Meredith asked.

Addie managed to nod.

Meredith pulled back and moved to Addie's pants, ripping them down off of her hips.

"Let me love you back." Addie whispered as she moved to pull Meredith's pants down.

They took their time letting their fingers go stroke for stroke before letting their tongues finish what they started.


	62. naked without it

Meredith watched as Addie got redressed into her skirt and blouse.

"I don't have any other surgeries today, just check ins." Addie told her.

Meredith nodded. "You ripped my top."

Addie looked at her confused before looking back down at the pale blue top that she had torn off of her.

"I did." Addie replied.

"I don't have a top..." Meredith said quietly. She was still naked and watching Addie closely.

Addie smiled and moved in and gave her a soft kiss. "I like you better without it." She said with a smirk.

"But..." Meredith added, knowing that the but was coming.

"But i wouldn't want to share that with the rest of the world." Addie said quietly. "I don't want to share you."

Meredith smiled and moved to wrap her arm around Addie's neck. "You wont ever have to share me." She told her.

"I do already." Addie sighed, remembering being stood up earlier.

"Addie" Meredith sighed, seeing that she was still hurting. "Derek really did need me... he's missing mom... and he just needed his sister."

Addie sighed but could see that Meredith was telling the truth.

"is he ok?" Addie finally asked.

"He will be." Meredith promised her. "He's just lonely."

Addie sighed and moved to sit down on the couch by Meredith. She reached for her dark blue scrub top and handed it to her. "You can wear this sweetie." She told her.

Meredith slipped it over her head and put it on before looking up at Addie. " i do believe you have something of mine." She whispered.

Addie's eyes widened as she remembered Meredith's wedding ring.

Addie stood and moved to her lab coat and pulled it out of the pocket. "This belongs here." Addie told her as she returned to Meredith's side, lifting her left hand and sliding it on her ring finger.

"That feels better." Meredith sighed as she moved to sit up.

Addie embraced the moment and kissed her deeply.

"Hmmm..." Meredith sighed in content.

"Now everyone knows that your my wife." Addie said smartly.

"I felt completely naked without it." Meredith confessed. "I definitely missed it."

"You looked completely naked without it." Addie told her with a smile. "I like it when you're wearing it."

"That's because it reminds people that i am taken." Meredith said cheekily as she fixed her hair.

"Not only that." Addie sighed. "It reminds me of our love, and the bond that there is between us."

Meredith smiled as she then moved to stand and put on her panties and scrubs bottoms.

"We better see to our patients." Meredith sighed as she finished re-dressing.

"Yeah." Addie sighed as she looked at the clock. "We only have an hour to go."

"Tea tonight with the guys." Meredith reminded.

"Yeah" Addie nodded.

"Meet you back here?" Meredith asked.

Addie thought for a moment before nodding.

"Love you honey." Meredith said as she moved to open the door.

"Not as much as i love you sweetie." Addie replied, making sure to give her another kiss before they parted ways.


	63. a different storm

Richard's day had been slowly drawing to an end. He had never had a busier day like he had had today. He had been in and out of surgeries all day, and between all that he had paper work to do, and finish.

He had just looked at his watch. He knew that he had half an hour left in which he had to finalise his last few papers. Those of course were the intern monitoring cards that had just been filled out by the head attending and the supervising resident. His job was to read through them before putting his signature on the dotted line. This task was not something he enjoyed but at least this time he knew he had great pleasure in reading Meredith's card.

Richard had just stumbled upon the card, knowing that it was the last one in the pile. He made himself comfortable as he picked it up and sat back to read it.

He had just managed to read through Baileys initial comments on Meredith before his office phone rang. 

Groaning he put down the card and reached for the handset.

"Chief Webber" he answered.

"Chief, this is Dr David Jameison from the oncology department of Mount Sinai hospital in New York." Was the response

Richard sighed. "How can i help you?" he asked.

"I believe you have a Dr Meredith Grey working for you." David spoke. "Is that true?"

"Yes, that would be correct." Richard said as he moved to sit up properly.

"I was wondering if you have a current contact number for her or her partner Dr Addison 

Montgomery. It's more of a private matter." David explained.

"May i ask again what department you work in?" Richard asked warily.

"I'm in the Oncology department at Mount Sinai." David answered quickly.

Richard frowned, he had no idea why an oncologist would be needing to contact his daughter but he would find out.

"Excuse me" he somehow found the strength to say. "I really can't hand out these details, but i am actually dining with Meredith tonight." He informed the doctor.

He heard David let out a sigh. "I really shouldn't, it's doctor patient confidentiality."

Richard was exhausted, but his brain went into overdrive. "Meredith Grey is my step-daughter; I'm sure she really won't mind." Richard tried.

"I'm sorry Chief, no – can – do." David sighed.

"Ok" he sighed, "can i at least pass on a message?"

David sighed, he had been trying to reach both doctors all day, but each time he had it told them that their phones were turned off, or someone answered and said that they were in surgery.

"Fine" David suddenly spoke. "Can you please let Dr Grey know that i wish to speak with her in regards to our next appointment?"

Richard really didn't like the sound of that. "I can do that." Richard told him. "But can you do me one last favour?" he asked.

"Sure" David sighed.

"Can you clarify that Meredith is your patient?" Richard asked. His hands were now sweaty from nerves.

"Yes, I'm sorry sir." David managed, only just realising that the Chief had no idea about any of this.

"Ummm... yeah... thanks." Richard managed to choke out. He then blindly hung up the phone.

Tears burned his eyes as he felt the weight of Dr Jameisons words. His daughter had cancer, and he didn't know. The thought was consuming him. How could she have kept this from him.

The anger was building up inside of him. It was mixed with all the hurt, worry and confusion. He had the urge to hit something, break something. He wanted to yell, swear, and scream. But most of all he wanted to cry.

He wanted to cry for his baby girl who was sick, cry because she had not told him, and cry for everything he stood to lose.

The pain and confusion overtook him, and soon enough he was operating on auto-pilot. The words cancer kept whirling through his head, as he struggled to find his feet.

He neglected to wipe the tears from his eyes as he put on his large coat. He needed to speak to her that was all that he knew. He moved towards the doors knowing that they would be gone now, and on their way to dinner.

Walking over the cat walk like he had done so many timed before, he did not stop to look out into the darkness that blanketed over the city, or the storm that was brewing out there. There was enough darkness that had filled his heart where a different kind of storm was brewing.

_**It's coming round again**_

_**the slowly creeping hand**_

_**Of time and its command**_

_**Soon enough it comes**_

_**And settles in its place**_

_**Its shadow in my face**_

_**Puts pressure in my day**_

_**This life well it's slipping right through **_

_**my hands**_

_**These days turned out nothing**_

_**Like I had planned**_


	64. time

Meredith could tell there was something on her father's mind. It was a combination of the way that he carried himself and the traces of tears that he had cried. When she had greeted him with her usual hug, he had held her for longer... and much closer.

It was when she was in his arms that Meredith felt his chest shake and looked up to see a tear run down his cheek. Pulling away she looked up at him. She reached up and wiped the tear away with her thumb. "Dad are you ok?" she asked.

Richard just gave her a nod before leaning in and kissing her forehead. "I want you to know that i love you baby girl and that if there is anything you ever need to talk to me about, then i am here." He whispered.

"I know" she told him. She smiled up at him but could not hide her concern.

"Good" he whispered. "I want you to promise me that you will."

"I promise daddy." Meredith whispered, not sure what had triggered all of this.

Richard had then turned to greet the rest of the family, leaving Meredith worried about her dad.

They had sat down at the table, with Addie sitting with her arm around Meredith. She had noticed that every time he looked at Meredith he got teary eyed.

"Is your dad ok?" Addie whispered in Meredith's ear when dinner had arrived.

Meredith shrugged. "Maybe he's missing mom too." She whispered.

"Maybe" Addie replied, doubting very much that that was the case.

Derek and Preston were the main controllers of the conversation throughout dinner. It had seemed that Richard was just nodding his head and going along with the conversation, but the truth was that he hadn't really heard a word that any of them had said. As the darkness in his heart was consuming him and the only thing he could hear was the word cancer echoing through his mind.

Meredith and Addie had finished their meals but hadn't really contributed to the conversation, even when Derek had briefly mentioned the event between them in the OR earlier. They knew that he wouldn't say anything; he had always been good at keeping things quiet for them.

It wasn't until the band got up to play that either of them had really made a move to talk to anyone. It was only when Derek noticed the importance of the 

song. He knew the introduction well and he stood to over Meredith his hand. "Dance with me?" he asked.

Addie squeezed her hand and gave her a soft kiss. "Go" she whispered.

Meredith smiled and took his hand and he led her out into the middle of the dance floor.

_Sara beth is scared to death  
To hear what the doctor will say  
She hasn't been well  
Since the day that she fell  
And the bruise it just wont go away_

Derek held Meredith close. The song moved him to his core. He remembered the day that she had called and told him. His heart broke and his body shook with fear as he tried to control his emotions. All legible thought had gone and the doctor in him had fizzled out leaving him an emotional wreck.

_So she sits and she waits with her mother and dad  
And flips through an old magazine  
'Til the nurse with a smile stands at the door  
And says "Will you please come with me?"_

Meredith tried to control her emotions as she clung to Derek. This was the man who was not only her brother, and her knight in shining whatever, but also her lifeline. He had come to her aide to save her, when no one else could.

_Sarabeth is scared to death  
Cause the doctor just told her the news  
Between the red cells and white  
Something's not right  
But we're gonna take care of you  
Six chances in ten it wont come back again  
With the therapy we're gonna try  
It's just been approved it's the strongest there is  
I think we caught it in time  
Sarabeth closes her eyes_

Addie sheds a tear as she watches the woman that she loves sway in the arms of her brother. For just a few years ago there had been a time when any dance could have been her last. She remembered the extensive chemotherapy and the frail Meredith, who was paler than anything she had ever seen before. She could still see Meredith bald, could still see her being sick and soon the memories were getting too much to bear.

_And she dreams she dancin' around and around  
Without any cares  
And her very first love  
Is holding her close  
And the soft wind is blowing her hair_

Derek hears Meredith sob, but that is the only noise that she makes as tears slowly streak down her cheeks. She knows that it really wasn't that long ago that she was living in a similar nightmare. When she thought that she was knocking on deaths door. She could remember wanting to die when she had lost all 

of her strength, when she could not move because of the pain.

_Sarabeth is scared to death  
as she sits holding her mom  
cause It would be a mistake  
For someone to take  
A girl with no hair to the prom  
For just this morning right there on her pillow  
Was the cruelest of any surprise  
She cried when she gathered it all in her hands  
The proof that she couldn't deny  
Sarabeth closes her eyes_

Derek ran a hand through Meredith's hair relishing being able to touch something that for a while, hadn't been there. Meredith sighed as she rested her head on his shoulder, knowing that it wasn't only her reliving their time, a few years earlier, when their worlds fell apart.

_And she dreams she dancin' around and around  
With out any cares  
And her very first love  
_

_Was holding her close  
And the soft wind was blowing her hair_

Addie reached up and wiped her tears away. She knew that she shouldn't be crying in front of Preston and Richard, for they had no idea how close they had both come to losing their daughter and sister. It had been Meredith's decision to keep it from them because she hadn't wanted them to worry. It was just after Ellis had been diagnosed with early – on – set Alzheimer's that Meredith had been diagnosed with Leukaemia. So she and Meredith had tackled it on their own. They had only involved Derek because they needed to see if he was a match to donate bone marrow for her.

_It's quarter to seven  
that boy's at the door  
And her daddy ushers him in  
When he takes off his cap they all start to cry  
Cause this morning where his hair had been  
Softly she touches just skin_

Richard looks to Addie. It is evident that she has been crying. His mood continues to darken as he then looks to Preston who appears to be in his own world, completely oblivious to the world and how it is affecting the people around him.

Richard then watches Meredith run a hand through Derek's hair. He watched as she pulled back a little and he could see the tears glistening in her cheeks and tears evident in Derek's eyes. Meredith then begins to sing along with the song.

_And they go dancin' around and around  
Without any cares  
And her very first true love  
Was holding her close  
And for a moment she isn't scared  
Ohhhhhh._

Derek kisses Meredith on the top of her head before leading her back to the table where they both use their serviettes to wipe away the tears that they 

have cried. Both smile softly at each other when Meredith thanks Derek for dancing with her.

Both of them are oblivious to the glare that they are receiving from Richard.

Addie leans in and places a kiss on Meredith's temple and whispers an "i love you" in her ear.

It is only when Richard clears his throat that their attention turns to him. "I think now is a good time to ask why i received a phone call from Dr David Jameison - an oncologist from Mount Sinai, don't you?" he asked.

Meredith sighs and leans into Addie's arms. They had both known that it would be only a matter of time before he would find out.


	65. a 3 yr battle

Meredith felt Derek squeeze her shoulder. He had known this time would come. He had told her repeatedly that she should have told him, and now it seems that he had found out.

"So why didn't tell me that you're sick?" Richard asked the pain evident in his face.

"Dad" Meredith sighed and was not sure how to tell him.

"My daughter has cancer." He said as his voice slowly turned into a growl. "Did you not think i could handle this? Just because your mother has passed, and a part of me died with her, does not mean that i don't care about the health of my daughter."

Addie kept an arm around Meredith. "Dad" she said trying to interrupt.

"No, do not interfere Addison. You should have told me. It is clear that Derek knows about this too. Are you trying to banish us from your life now?" he asked, gesturing to Preston who looked completely shocked by everything that was happening.

"Daddy it's not what you think" Meredith appealed.

"Then what the hell is it?" Richard asked.

Meredith brushed the tears away from her eyes.

"Tell me Meredith why i had a phone call from an oncologist about you. And you better make sure you have a damn good reason for keeping this from me." Richard ordered.

"Dad" Derek went to interrupt.

"Don't Der I've got this." Meredith tells him as she bites her lip. The memories were still fresh in her head.

"Dad, i had leukaemia." She told him carefully, "but i am in remission now."

Meredith closed her eyes as she took a deep breath trying to find the strength to continue. "We... we found out just before we went to England. It was... it was just after Mom had been diagnosed." Meredith struggled, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.

Richard was shocked by what he was hearing.

"I was very sick when we... when we married." She said as Addie leaned in and kissed her temple. "We.. we went against our Doctors orders when we still went to England... but we... we wanted that wedding... we needed that wedding... to be able to make the 

promise of forever... although we were so scared how long that forever would be."

Derek moved to stand beside Meredith, tears streaming down his cheeks, he could not fight them, and at this very moment in time, he did not want to.

"It was a 3 year battle... and we... we did it alone for a while... but... i ... i couldn't bring myself to tell you... you or Pres... i was so sick... and i ... you had mom to worry about... i knew it was hurting you to see her like that." She couldn't help but let a sob escape her.

"The... the treatment wasn't working... and i... i was so weak... and Addie... we didn't know how much longer i had left... and there... there wasn't a match for bone marrow...i... we called Derek... we... he was our last hope... if... if we were to ask mom... then... then you would know... and you... it would have been too much."

Richard couldn't hold back the tears that were coming as he listened to her struggle. She had not 

told him because she hadn't wanted to burden him. She didn't want to give him something else to worry about.

"We... we made him promise not to say anything... he... he told me we should... but ... but we couldn't. He... dad you would have been so proud of him... he... he shaved his head for me... you... you know Der and how he is about his hair... and... and he was my last chance... our last chance... and it worked... he.. . saved me daddy."

Meredith tilted her head up to look up at Derek who leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Preston couldn't believe his ears. Of all the things that he had been expecting to hear from this evening, it wasn't this. He had heard the whispers of the day's events from people in the gallery, Christina mainly.

"I... i have been in remission for 2 years Dad. It hasn't come back... no bruises... and we... we check regularly... and hair thick... hair is thicker than before... as is Ders." She said as she ran her fingers through his hair. "The... the appointment would be my 6 month check up... if Addie hadn't moved here then i would have been booking my appointment for when i ... when i found time to visit her."

"Remission?" Richard asked.

Meredith nodded. She reached for Addie's hand for support.

"You should have told me." He choked out. The darkness in his heart was slowly lifting.

"I... we know we should have... but ... just remember i.. I'm alive." She said quietly. "I'm alive... and in remission... and now... now we're talking about babies." She said with a small smile.

"Addie... Addie and i have decided to have a baby. We've... we've put it on hold for a few reasons... the main one is me... me being sick... but now... now we're going to do this."

Richard looked a little shocked. "You're not sick?" he asked double checking.

Meredith shook her head.

"And... and you want to give me grand children?" he asked.

Meredith nodded, leaning completely into Addie. "We decided that we would a while ago... but with everything that has happened in the previous month... we've only really discussed it again today."

"In the OR" Preston said clearly. He had a few tears running down his cheeks from the earlier discussion.

"Yeah... That's where it ended." Addie chipped in.

"Rings" Derek said with a grin.

"Yeah." Meredith sighed.

Richard was quiet for a while; he was struggling to take in all of the news. "Are you going to see Dr Jameison again, or are you going to find an oncologist here?"

Meredith looked to Addie, who simply shrugged her shoulders. "David knows us." Meredith sighed. "But we won't be going back to New York anytime soon." She sighed.

"So can i find you an oncologist here?" Richard asked, wanting to be completely involved.

"Yeah i guess." Meredith sighed.

"Good." He sighed. He was still hurting that she hadn't told him that she had been sick, and he knew the statistics for Leukaemia patients, but he really needed to read over her medical file to know everything for sure.

"From now on you come to me." He told her.

Meredith nodded.

"Come here baby girl" he said as he stood and opened his arms up to her.

Meredith stood quickly and ran into his arms.

She had been worried how he would take the news when she eventually told him, and now that she had, there was no place where she would prefer to be right now. She was safe in his arms. She felt loved, and she knew that now that her whole family knew, that her and Addie would not have to face this alone again.


	66. exhaustion

Meredith was exhausted. Explaining that you are in remission to unsuspecting family members can be exhausting. Not to mention the day she had already had. The discussions with Addie in regards to the baby thing had been long, and somewhat tiring, as were the orgasms that had followed. She had thought that finally coming out about her diagnoses and admitting that she had HAD leukaemia would be a relief, yet it had been possibly more exhausting than having to tell Addie in the first place.

Addie had driven them home, having been the one to take her car to work. She had been quiet yet supportive to Meredith though the whole process. In fact, Meredith could not have possibly asked for a better partner. She had understood most things, loved her unconditionally, and would argue a point if she thought that she was right. She had not ran when Meredith was diagnosed like some people had been worried she would, and had understood during those 3 years while a child was not on the table, or even really considered.

Meredith had trudged into the motel that they had been occupying from the day that she had decided her mother's house was no longer a living option. They both had known that they would need to move out of the hotel soon enough, but had not really thought so much about it. Her Dad hadn't even asked what she wanted to do with the house. Not that she wanted it anymore. She definitely didn't want it after everything that had happened with Izzie and George, and after the funeral she felt as if the house held memories that she was sure she would not want to re-live.

Addie had followed Meredith into the hotel, plodding along closely behind her. It wasn't often that she had seen Meredith as emotionally and physically exhausted as she was tonight. She knew that the day had been monumental in both of their lives, and did not want to bother her with any of the trivial things that arose from such a day. She knew that in Meredith's tiredness many things could stem from tonight. She knew that Meredith may simply collapse on the bed and fall straight to sleep. That she might wish to take a bath, with Addie sitting in close behind her, massaging her shoulders and reassuring her, or that she may just want to have a shower and cry. Addie was not sure which one Meredith was most likely to do, but she was prepared for all 3.

The elevator ride up to their penthouse suite had been long, and Meredith's body had sagged against the side. She had closed her eyes, and on one occasion Addie had to move forward and wake her as she had fallen asleep there.

"Come on sweetie." Addie had whispered when they had reached their floor. She had delicately placed a hand at the small of Meredith's back and led her off of the elevator and to the door of their suite.

Meredith had stumbled through the door, having tripped over her own feet.

Addie moved to keep her steady before leading her in to the couch. "What will it be sweetie? What do you want to do now?" she asked as she bent down and began to take off Meredith's converse.

"Hmmm..." Meredith sighed as her head lolled to the side.

"Bed or bath?" Addie asked, being able to see that Meredith wouldn't be heading to the shower in the state that she was in.

"Bath sounds good." Meredith sighed, "Definitely bath." She murmured as she tried to get up.

"Come on" Addie said quietly as she helped her back up and made sure she got to the bathroom in one piece where Addie sat her down on the toilet seat and began to undress her.

Meredith lay back, not having any energy to even struggle with one of her shirt buttons.

Addie continued to strip Meredith down before moving to the bath tub, and making sure the temp was just right as she set the bath to run.

Addie then moved to undress herself, before moving in her nakedness to turn on the bath's jets, and light a few of the aromatherapy candles that they had. Lavender of course, Meredith's favourite.

She then turned to see the tired person who she had done all of this for. Closing her eyes she let out a sigh, she too was tired, but was not going to let Meredith see how exhausted she was. It had been a long 5 years. Keeping a secret this big from her family had been a task. A task that Addie, on many occasions, had to do alone, and she knew that things were only going to get a little crazier now that it was out.

Yes Meredith was in remission, and Addie knew that well. She had attended every appointment alongside Meredith, and was always anxious to hear the results. Yet the craziness that she knew would derive from Meredith's father knowing was just a factor that she really did not need. She knew that Richard would run around in circles over everything. That he would bend over backwards to make sure that Meredith was ok, and that wasn't what worried her, for she knew that her father in law would now worry about every little bump that Meredith would endure, and start fussing over every little thing. It was going to be a while before he calmed down, probably as long as it took Derek to settle after he was informed.

"Mer, the waters ready." Addie told her as she moved back to Meredith's side.

Meredith nodded and moved to stand up.

"Come on sweetie let's get you relaxed and ready for bed." Addie whispered as she then helped Meredith into the bath tub, and she stood in behind her before they both lowered themselves into the water.

Meredith waited until Addie was set comfortable against the back of the tub before she lay back against her completely.

Addie then picked up the soap and began to bath Meredith, taking in her body and caressing her all over.

Meredith closed her eyes as she lay against Addie. She was not worried about falling asleep in the tub because she knew that no matter what, Addie would be there, loving her and keeping her safe.


	67. our limit

Meredith had no idea how she had managed to get to bed, but she figured it must have been Addie. The last thing she remembered was lying against Addie, whose hands were massaging her sides, which had happened not long after Addie had finished bathing her. She had woken up naked in bed this morning feeling so much better.

Now Meredith stood at the nurses' station with Bailey, Christina and Alex. They were the only 3 interns left in their group, and no other interns had wanted to switch into their group as it was now rumoured to be cursed.

"Now i want to make myself clear to all of you. I may be carrying a person here, but i will not tolerate any more open displays of affection within the work place. I don't care who you are." Bailey said as she pointedly looked at Meredith.

Meredith and the others sighed and nodded.

"Now Karev you are working with Shepherd, Yang with Burke, and surprise, surprise Meredith, Montgomery has requested you for today." Bailey instructed.

Meredith nodded as she listened to Miranda Bailey's rant. She knew that it was all an act, but she was not that surprised that most of the male attending, including her brothers, were scared of her.

"Ok, off you guys go, Grey hang back a moment." Bailey finished ordering.

They both watched the others disperse before Bailey dragged Meredith away from the nurses' desk, not wanting for ears to hear what she had about to say. Once she had made sure that she was far enough away she turned to face Meredith. "Now Addie requested you because you hit your wall of exhaustion last night, and she doesn't want you to overdo it today. Plus she is worried about the back lash with your dad after your conversation last night." Bailey informed her.

Meredith sighed and nodded.

"If you have a problem take it up with her." Bailey warned and Meredith just turned and went in search of Addie. She knew that she couldn't be angry with Addie, after all she was right, and Meredith's body had hit its wall of exhaustion. She knew as well as Addie did, that it was only more likely to happen again today if she pushed herself too hard.

She had just started to pass the on call room near Addie's office when she had a brain wave. She had thought of a way to take things easy, and yet a way to say thank you to Addie for having taken such good care of her last night.

Meredith reached for her pager as she opened the door and checked that all the beds were empty.

She quickly paged Addie to the room where she then waited quietly, sprawled out on the bottom bunk.

She heard Addie open the door and move into the room slowly. She waited until Addie reached the bed where she was before she reached out for her.

"Mer?" Addie asked confused.

"We need to know our limit" she whispered before pulling Addie down on the bed beside her, and curled up into her, with only moments before she dozed off. Which of course had not been part of the plan.


	68. a heads up!

Addie had been unsure why Meredith had paged, especially when Addie had arrived Meredith had simply curled up and went to sleep. Now Addie was lying beside her and listening to her snore softly.

Addie had watched her sleep peacefully and ran her hand carefully down Meredith's side. She had predicted that this would happen today. Meredith had been pushing herself so hard lately. She had been trying to prove herself to anyone who had doubted her abilities. Coupling that drive with the emotional rollercoaster that peaked last night, Addie knew by how out of it Meredith was last night that it would carry on into today.

Addie sat there for a few moments longer, before deciding that she better head to her patients. She already had one c-section scheduled for the day and she knew that there was always the possibility that an emergency could arise. She knew that she couldn't stay, so she reached into her pocket and pulled out her notepad and decided to leave Meredith a note.

_Babe, _

_You must have hit that wall pretty hard._

_I had to go check on my patients._

_Text me when you wake._

_Love Addie xxx_

Sighing she put the note down next to Meredith's head. She then dropped a kiss to her head before she climbed off of the bed and headed to the door. She looked back once more before leaving.

Addie had managed to see to one patient in the short time that she had after she had left Meredith in the on call room. She knew that she needed to round on all of them soon, because you never knew what matters could arise.

It was when she was on her way to the elevator to go down to one of her patients rooms that she spotted Derek and Preston standing talking in hushed tones. Their interns were standing back obviously having been asked to give them a moment.

"Is this a closed circle or can i join?" Addie asked as she walked up to them.

"Actually we were just talking about Mer." Preston said quietly.

"Ok" Addie acknowledged and waited for them to continue.

"Yeah we were just discussing the fact that no one has seen her all morning. It seems we both requested her." Derek informed her.

"Oh right, I can tell you all of that." Addie says with a small smile, and she felt the other interns move closer. She turns and shoots them a look, warning them to stay back.

"So?" Preston asked.

"Ok, so Mer hit her wall last night." Addie said quietly, "and so i went to Miranda and got her assigned to me."

"But where is she now?" Derek asked, noticing that Meredith wasn't with Addie.

Addie rolled her eyes. "She is in the on call room sleeping."

Derek nodded; he had wondered when she would finally hit a wall. She may have been getting better, and her strength had come back over the past 2 years, but it was bound to happen.

"Well page us if she needs anything." Preston said after his own pager sounded. He quickly indicated to Christina that they were set to go.

Derek smiled slightly at Addie. "I have a surgery." He said softly. "Just a head up before i go, Dad's started to look into oncologists, and he has requested that her medical files be forwarded to him with a copy of her previous treatment plan."

Addie nodded. "Thanks." She said simply.

"No worries, and besides, dads already on my case about all of this, has been all morning." Derek finished.

Addie groaned when she heard her phone go off.

"I've got to go." Derek said as Addie pulled her phone out of the holder. He leaned in and gave Addie a kiss on her forehead before gesturing to Alex.

Addie nodded as she began to read the text message. It appeared to be from Meredith.

_DIDN'T MEAN TO FALL ASLEEP... HAD SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?_

Addie smiled softly. She could only imagine what Meredith had planned. Stepping onto the elevator she quickly texts a reply.

_HAVE JUST GOT ON THE ELEVATOR, MEET ME OUTSIDE ROOM 3263A._

_I'M ON MY WAY – XX_

Addie smiled as she stepped off of the elevator knowing that she would be seeing Meredith soon.


	69. fears

Addie found Meredith standing outside the room talking to her father. Addie sighed, guessing that he was trying to talk to her about oncologists.

"I cant make a decision without Addie." She heard Meredith say as she got closer.

"Look, he's one of the best at Grace." Richard continued.

"What's going on?" Addie asked reaching them.

Meredith was quick to look at Addie. A look of relief was present on her face, but Addie could still see that she was tired.

"I was just running some oncologists by Meredith." Richard informed her.

Addie tried to keep from smiling. She had known that he was going to be like this. "Well right now we are supposed to be checking on our patients. Can we talk about this some other time?" She suggests.

Richard looks at her confused. "This is important."

"We know." Meredith murmured.

Addie moves to run a hand down Merediths arm. "We understand how important this is." She told him, "but right now we are working, and you have a hospital to run." She reminded him.

"Addie, she is my daughter. I'm allowed to worry." He spoke slightly annoyed.

"Dad, it's ok to worry." Meredith cut in, not wanting her dad and her wife to butt heads. "It's just, we're at work, and we know the decision is important, but right now we have a job to do, so maybe, just maybe, we could talk about this at lunch." She suggested.

Richard sighed.

"We will page you when we are free." Addie told him.

"Fine" Richard grumbled.

Meredith sighed as she watched him stalk off down the hall.

Addie sighed as she watched Meredith close her eyes and take a deep breath. She too couldn't help but sigh. She reached over and wrapped an arm around Meredith's waist and pulled her close.

Meredith moved her head on Addies shoulder and let out a groan.

"I know this is hard." Addie told her as she dropped a kiss on her head. "We're going to look in on all of my patients and then i am going to go to my office and fold out the futon. You can join me if you want."

"Really?" Meredith asked, looking up at Addie, and only now acknowledging the tiredness of her features. "I cant remember much from last night, except you washing me in the bath tub." Meredith says quietly, looking up at Addie 

with concern. "So i know it wasn't me that has worn you out so much." Meredith said carefully.

"It's nothing." Addie murmured as she moved away from Meredith and turned towards the patients door.

Meredith watched Addie withdraw, and suddenly knew the reason Addie looked as tired as she felt. Meredith reached for Addie's hand and pulled her back to her.

"You stayed up all night didn't you?" Meredith asked her.

Addie sighed and went to pull away again.

"You spent the night making sure there weren't any bruises." Meredith stated not having to ask because she knew that it was true.

Addie looked down and bit her lip.

"Honey" Meredith sighed. "You don't need to worry anymore. You know that i'm in remission. I have been for 2 years."

"It doesn't stop." Addie started before simply trailing off.

Meredith sighed and used her hand to tilt Addie's head up so she could see her face. "We can't live in fear." Meredith told her. "But we can live."

Addie couldn't hide the pain in her eyes.

"I will make an appointment with a new oncologist this afternoon. That way i can have my usual check up and you can see that everything is going to be ok." Meredith said quietly.

"Patients." Addie murmured, pulling away and wiping the tears from her eyes,

Meredith sighed, but this time let her go, knowing that the wall that she had hit last night had stirred up Addie's fears.


	70. we will have that

Meredith sighed, relieved to have survived all of Addie's patients among those was a woman pregnant with quints. She knew her Dad would be happy with the high profile case. Seriously! She did not envy that woman who must be buggered from hauling that belly everywhere.

Addie hadn't really spoked to her, apart from asking questions in regards to the patient. She had gone completely quiet, and Meredith figured she would give her that, just for the moment.

After returning the last patients chart, Addie just walked off. Meredith knew where she was going, and just tagged along behind her.

The staff, who watched them walk past, were quite used to seeing them as a happy couple, and figured that they must be fighting if they were not walking together holding hands.

Meredith sighed, she could only imagine the gossip already circulating the hospital about them, and any liitle thing that wasn't part of their normal routine was oggled with an intensity.

Meredith then watched as Addie unlocked her office and moved in. She did not say anything as she leaned up against the doorway and looked on as Addie set up the futon. She had put the pillows down and then kicked off her heels before she then moved to lay down.

Addie had no idea what to say to Meredith because those long dark memories of those years came flooding back to her, leaing her heart broken, as they played like a short reel that had been put on repeat.

Meredith moved into the room and closed the door behind her. She moved quick to kick off her shoes and climbed onto the futon beside her. She then laid down and slipped and arm around her waist and brought her hand to rest on Addies stomach. She did not say anything but buried her head in Addie's hair. Taking in the sweet smell of acacia berries that were in her conditioner.

Addie did not say anything to Merediths actions. All she knew was that she needed to get some sleep if she was going to do the surgeries this afternoon.

Meredith knew that if Addie didn't sleep then the surgeries would have to be pushed to another day or handed over to someone else.

Meredith moved her hand over Addie's stomach, stroking it gently. She then moved Addie's hair away from her neck and kissed it gently.

"You need to relax." Meredith whispered to her. "I want you to cose your eyes ," Meredith continued. "and try and push past the memories that are whirling through your head, and then i want you to concentrate, and try and picture what i am going to describe to you. Can you do that?" she asked.

She heard Addie sigh before she whispered an "ok"

"Alright then." Meredith said quietly. "I want you to think of our house. A large house, with your style and class, but relaxed and open. It's set on a beautiful piece of land away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Can you see that?"

Addie nodded slightly.

"And we have a beautiful lake in front of us, and a little jetty." she continued. "Our kids are running around playing in their tree house or on the equipment because we have a jungle gym for them." Meredith said with a smile. "and we're truly happy and have nothing to worry about except getting to work on time."

Meredith leaned over and looked to see that Addie had her eyes closed and a smile on her face.

"We will have that babe." Meredith whispered her promise. "Sweet dreams" she added as she dropped a kiss on her cheek and waited to hear Addie's breathing to even out before she could leave her to sleep.


	71. while u were sleeping

**Sorry i haven't updated for ages... i would like to blame it on the fact that my head has been completely full with incoherent shit. I hope that this update will fill the growing gap that you have felt since my last update... and i hope to update again soon.**

Meredith snuck back into the room and lay back down next to Addie. She had been surprised that she had managed to get done what she had needed in such little time.

She rested her hand on Addie's hip and began to stroke the bare area of flesh. She knew that this was one of the ways she could slowly wake her.

Addie stirred slightly and rolled over so she was facing Meredith.

Meredith smiled and leaned in to kiss her. She knew that Addie had a while until her surgery, but also that she wanted to make sure that she had her mind on the task.

Addie groaned a little but still kissed her back.

Meredith smiled when she pulled back and watched Addie's eyes flutter open.

Addie mumbled a "hey" as she moved her hand up to rub her eyes.

"Hey" Meredith said quietly as she smiled at Addie.

Addie sighed and attempted to burrow herself in close to Meredith.

"We have to get up." Meredith told her. "We need to go somewhere."

Addie pulled back and looked up at her confused.

"Its ok babe, i just saw to something while you were sleeping." Meredith told her, "and we need to go now."

Addie grumbled something that was incoherent to Meredith.

"Come on honey, you'll want this." She told her as her pager went off indicating that they were ready for her.

Meredith moved off of the futon. She then quickly moved to fix her scrubs. Unfortunately she rolled her sleeves up in the process and exposed the little bandaid on her arm. She moved to quickly cover it again, but Addie had already seen it.

Meredith watched as Addie stared at the place on her arm, even though it had since been covered. "It's nothing." Meredith mumbled before she them moved to the door. "Come on." She said quietly before walking out and hoping that Addie would follow.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Addie watched Meredith leave and reluctantly moved to follow quickly slipping her heels on to do so.

She was relieved that Meredith hadn't raced off, and it seemed as though she had anticipated her promptness in following.

She moved with a bit of pace as she hoped to catch up to Meredith who was on the verge of rounding a corner.

She had no idea what Meredith had in mind but could only hope that it wasn't going to delay them too long before surgery.

She managed to catch Meredith as they boarded and elevator. She hadn't realised how fast they had been walking until she had stopped to get her breath.

"Mer" Addie sighed as she reached for her hand. "What's the rush?" she asked .

"Running on a schedule" Meredith answers as she gives Addie's hand a squeeze.

Addie looks at Meredith confused but does not ask any more questions. Instead she moves to the back of the elevator releasing Meredith's hand so she could observe her from behind.

There was an air of determination around Meredith. It appealed to her, even though her nap had not completely rejuvenated her.

Meredith knew that Addie was puzzled by her actions, but could only hope that everything would go to plan.

**a/n i hope you are enjoying this fic... and it will depend on the antics of my budding stalker rulerofallthingsevil on how soon i update... hehehe... love you b!**


	72. rain on a sunny day

Meredith smiled back at Addie as she led her down the track to not-so-vacant conference room.

The conference was occupied by Derek, Preston, Richard and a person that Meredith knew Addie wouldn't recognise.

Meredith held the door open for Addie and she walked in nervously and sat down in the first available chair.

Meredith then moved into the room herself but did not take a seat. She knew that she needed to be standing to keep her mind off of things.

"Ok" Richard said as he looked at Meredith, "what are you up to?"

Meredith shrugged.

"Is everyone here Dr Grey?" the outsider asked.

Meredith nodded. She had been the one to organise all of this. She had wanted for her whole family to be here so that they could get their minds off of things, and back onto being the doctors that they were.

"Everyone this is Dr Philip Carter." Meredith said quietly, "he is an up and coming oncologist, and has so kindly stepped up to the plate for us today"

"Mer?" Addie asked as she shifted nervously and turned to look at her wife.

"It's ok honey, right Dr Carter" Meredith said nervously. She really wanted to believe that things had still been going really well. She did not want to imagine what was happening in her body. She had not told Addie that she had been experiencing some fatigue; in fact she was sure that she had hidden it so well. It was considerably easy as people were assuming that she was just grieving at the moment.

"Right" Dr Carter said as he shuffled through the papers. He felt uncomfortable that he was discussing this patient's details and further treatments with the whole family.

"Dr Carter" Richard interrupted. "Please tell me that my daughters leukaemia has stayed away."

"Chief Webber" Dr Carter said nervously, "Doctors" he said again as he then shifted to look around the table at the family in front of him.

Meredith could see that his nervousness was over taking him, and she could only accept that her real worries are coming true.

_**Someone told me long ago**_

_**There's a calm before the storm**_

_**I know;**_

_**Its been coming for some time.**_

_**When it's over, **_

_**So they say,**_

_**It'll rain a sunny day,**_

_**I know;**_

_**Shinning down like water**_

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain?**_

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain**_

_**Coming down on a sunny day?**_

"Well, from the two tests that we ran earlier, there is enough that has made me concerned enough for me to want to run further tests." Dr Carter spoke, and he had to force himself to look back up at the people he was addressing.

Meredith bit her bottom lip and looked down.

"I'm sorry Dr Grey, i know that that isn't exactly what you wanted to hear." Dr Carter addressed her. "But can you please consult your schedule and let me know when we can follow through with the required tests."

Meredith nodded. She did not want to look at her family. Disappointment was consuming her, as she moved towards the door. She didn't want them looking at her. She knew that their fears had just been increased, and not put to rest like she had originally hoped.

_**Yesterday, and days before**_

_**Sun is cold and rain is hard,**_

_**I know; **_

_**Been that was for all my time.**_

_**Till forever, on it goes**_

_**Through the circle, **_

_**Fast and slow,**_

_**I know; **_

_**It can't stop, **_

_**I wonder.**_

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain?**_

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain**_

__

_**Coming down on a sunny day?**_

Addie tried to fight the tears as she choked out a thankyou before she then pushed back her chair. "I ... I have a surgery." She mumbled before she stood and moved out of the room. She had no idea where Meredith had gone, and didn't really think that she should go after her. They both needed time to process what had just happened. Again, Addie could see their hopes and dreams slipping away from them.

Derek sighed as he put his head in his hands, Preston resting a hand on his shoulder. He did not know how he could handle the news they had just received, but he knew that he had to suck it up and deal with it. Meredith was his family. His only blood relative left. He knew that she needed him right now, and possibly more than before after the announcement they had made the night before. He figured that was one of the reasons the news burnt them that much as he knew that they were planning on starting a family. Once again their plans would be put on halt, even if it is just the length of getting the next lot of test results, the doubt had been put in their mind.

Preston sighed, he did not know what to say or do with this new found information, but could only hope that he could stay strong and support his family through this difficult time.

Richard sat numbly. He had just lost his wife, and now there was a possibility that his baby girl could have leukaemia again. The thought was killing him. He did not know what to say or do.

He waved the others off as Dr Carter stood and left, followed closely by Derek and Preston.

Richard looked down at the ring on his finger, and could remember everything that had come about from his marriage to Ellis, and gaining a daughter was one of the better of the things. He was not sure how he was going to help any of them through this, because his fear alone was already consuming him. He wanted her to be ok, he needed her to be ok, and one can only hope that she will be.

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain?**_

_**I want to know have you ever seen the rain**_

_**Coming down on a sunny day?**_

Meredith sat in the supply closet hiding, she could only hope that things were not reverting back to the way they were. She could not have that again, and needed for everything to just disappear. She wanted everything to disappear, and she hoped, that even if for just a moment, she could do that now. Closing her eyes, and resting her 

head back on the pillows that she had gathered from the shelf above her, she tempted darkness to blanket her, and take her to a dream world, where nothing could harm her.


	73. shut down

It was on the supply closet floor that Miranda found Meredith. She was still asleep, and Miranda could see that she was obviously worse for wear. Miranda sighed and reached for her pager.

Addie had been the one to let everyone know that Meredith had vanished, yet only passed onto Miranda the circumstances of her disappearance. Addie had been in her own little world until she realised that Meredith hadn't scrubbed in alongside her.

Miranda looked down at the sleeping Meredith, and only hoped that things would start to look up for her best friend and her wife. They both did not need to go through this again.

She lowered herself down to be by Meredith's side, she had the urge to check for bruises, knowing that Addie would be doing exactly that when she got there. Of course, Addie was in surgery at the moment, and it was Richard whom she had paged.

Miranda was surprised how thin Meredith was looking, it seemed as she had been slowly fading away again, and she 

did not want to know whether it was because of Leukaemia, or if it was because of all the stress that she has been under.

Richard reached her a few minutes later. "Is she ok?" he asked, he was flustered from having pretty much ran to Miranda's location.

"She's sleeping." Miranda told him, as she stood and moved out of his way.

"Thank God" Richard muttered as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"If we can get a gurney, we will take her up to the room by your office." Miranda suggested.

Richard nodded, "the VIP room?" he double checked.

"Yeah, how about we admit her, and then run those tests that we are worried about." Miranda relied.

Richard groaned. He really did not want to think of what those tests might say.

"She will be ok Chief." Miranda told him, she then placed a hand on his shoulder to show her support.

Richard forced a smile, as he then looked down the hall to see if there was someone he could call out to to get a gurney. Not seeing anyone, he decided to just lower himself down and pick her up. He knew that she looked light, but assumed that he needed to put some oomph into it.

Scooping Meredith up, he was shocked at how light she had gotten. He looked awkwardly at Miranda, and she nodded, letting him know that she had noticed it too.

Letting out a deep sigh, he then moved out of the supply closet.

He could feel Meredith's bones as he carried her carefully. She snuggled up into him, like she used to do when she was little, her hands going around his neck.

"It's ok Mer, Daddy's got you." He whispered as he carried her down the hall, past the gossiping nurses. He knew that it would be all around the hospital that he had to carry his daughter through the hospital because she fell asleep on the job.

He didn't want everyone to know that she was possibly sick, and he could only hope that the gossip would be shut down by Derek and Preston. He really needed for it to be shut down. Not only for her sake, but for the sake of her family.


	74. we're not alone

Meredith awoke in a hospital bed. She was tired, and her body felt sore. She wasn't sure whether she was sore because of how and where she had fallen asleep or whether it was for other reasons that she did not want to think about.

Addie was sitting by her bedside, her hand holding Meredith's, her eyes closed as she rested her head on the side of the bed. She was not sleeping, but more to the fact that she was lost deep in thought and worry.

Meredith looked down at her wife and could tell that she wasn't asleep. In fact she could tell very much that she was thinking as she could hear the sad sighs coming from her.

Meredith reached down and ran her hand through Addie's hair before squeezing her hand that was being held by Addie.

Addie slowly shifted her head to look up at Meredith. It was only now that Meredith could see how puffy and red Addie's eyes were.

Addie wiped her eyes and moved to sit up as she came to the realisation that Meredith was awake.

Meredith looked around the room and could see that they had been left alone. She figured that if she could remember what the schedule was of her brothers and father, that maybe that was where they were. It was not that she wasn't used to waking up to a room that was only occupied by Addie, but she thought that now that they knew, that they would be there too.

"You're OK" Addie whispered to her as she leaned forward and kissed her softly.

"Hmmm" Meredith moaned, she was not completely sure whether she should believe her.

"We are just waiting for all your test results to come back, but I'm pretty sure you are ok." Addie promised.

Meredith sighed and closed her eyes again.

"Your Dad has gone to get us something to eat, and Der and Pres are in surgery. They'll be here soon." She told Meredith as she ran her hand through her hair and smiled softly.

Meredith sighed, and moved her head so she was looking away.

"Dont do it Mer." Addie warned as she moved to sit on the end of the bed.

"I don't want to go through this again." Meredith murmured.

"And we won't" Addie reassured her as she moved to lie down beside her, making sure to hold her close. "And if we do, we are not alone this time. Remember that babe, we're not alone."


	75. what the hell

**Derek and Preston had gathered outside of Meredith's room. She had fallen asleep again before they had finished their surgeries. They were waiting for Addie to come out to give them an update on her status.**

**They watched as she leaned over her and gave her a light kiss on her forehead before she walked out towards them. Before she could say anything Dr Carter came up to them. He sported a small smile and looked a lot more confident then he had been before.**

"**Doctors" He addressed them before he gestured for them to enter Meredith's room. "Where is the Chief?" he asked as he realised that Meredith had been there alone.**

"**He's coming back with food." Addie quickly told him.**

"**What am i doing?" Richard asked as he came back in with 2 pizza boxes in his arms.**

"**Food" Addie gestured.**

"**Yeah i know." Richard said as he looked at Meredith and then to the doctor. "How is she?" he asked.**

"**She was awake earlier but she's gone to sleep since." Addie told him as she moved back to be by Meredith's side.**

"**So Dr Carter, and news?" Richard asked.**

"**Yes, of the best kind." Dr Carter answered as he moved in to be standing at the foot of Meredith's bed.**

"**Do you want me to wake her?" Addie asked as she rested a hand on the side of Meredith's head and stroked it. **

"**No, she needs her rest." Dr Carter spoke.**

**They all looked at him concerned.**

"**Dr Grey, does not actually have a relapse in regards to her Leukaemia, however, from all he tests, it does appear that she had a low white cell count. I'm worried that she might in fact be anaemic. Add to that that it also appears that she has an infection of some sort. I need to take I would suggest that we keep her in overnight, and monitor her closely, but like i said, we will keep her in overnight, and i have referred her onto the diagnostics team." Dr Carter informed them.**

**Everyone looked completely relieved.**

"**That's that's great." Addie murmured as she leaned in an kissed Meredith's temple.**

**Richard stepped forward and shook Dr Carters hand. "Thank you" he said thoroughly.**

"**It is always good to give a patient good news." Dr Carter commented.**

**Derek and Preston shook his hand before he left.**

**They then looked between each other before Derek took the opportunity to speak. **

"**If it's not leukaemia then what is it?" he asked.**

"**I'm not sure, but she has lost weight that she couldn't afford to lose." Richard told him.**

**Addie sighed. "I've noticed."**

**Everyone went quiet and looked at Meredith.**

"**If it's not Leukaemia" Preston started**

"**Then what the hell is it?" Derek finished as they continued to look at Meredith, who was now pale and still out like a light.**


	76. need a distraction

**Meredith pretended to sleep until she knew for sure that the nurse had left. The sting of the needle was still irritating her arm. She had wanted nothing more but to kill Addie and the rest of her family who were stressing over her. She had tried to tell them that there was nothing wrong with her, that if it wasn't leukaemia then it must be the fact that she was working hours on end, and forgetting to eat. But they wouldn't accept that as an excuse. It had to be more. There had to be a reason that her white cell levels were down. They wouldn't accept that there was no reason, and that it was just bad luck that the tests had shown up that way.**

**Meredith opened her eyes and looked up to see a nervous Addie sitting biting her nails. "Another waste of money." Meredith told her as she made herself sit up.**

"**Sweetie it's not." Addie told her as she stood and moved to Meredith's side. **

**Meredith groaned. "I don't know how often i need to tell you that things are fine. My body is just under fed." **

**Addie looked down upon Meredith and reached a hand out to stoke her hair back out of her eyes.**

"**Meredith, there has to be another reason." Addie told her as she tried to fight back the tears that were building.**

**Meredith watched them well in her eyes and knew that this was hard for her.**

"**I'm telling you Addie, give me a couple of days off and i will be right to go to L.A for this baby business, i want that... you want that... so can we just do that Addie." Meredith pleaded.**

**Addie sighed, she hated when Meredith denied that there was something wrong with her when it was obvious to her and everybody else that there must be.**

"**Meredith sweetie, once we figure it out, we can take you home." Addie told her.**

**Meredith groaned. It was obvious that no one was really listening to her. She needed a way to distract them, get them away from her, so she could put an end to these tests. Meredith knew of only one way she could do this, but was not sure whether she was able to pull it off. She needed a real slide of hand, and figured the only way she could do that was with a little help from her friends.**

**Closing her eyes, she waited for Addie to go completely quiet again before opening them with a softer look that she knew Addie would not b able to say no to.**

"**Honey why don't you go get us some pizza or something?" Meredith asked. "I have a craving for something other than hospital food."**

**Addie looked down at Meredith and groaned, she could never say no to those eyes.**

"**I will get your dad to come sit with you." She told Meredith.**

"**No" Meredith said with urgency. **

**Addie looked at her curiously.**

"**I just mean, i'd like to spend some time with chris and lex" Meredith told her.**

**Addie sighed, and Meredith could see that she had hurt her.**

"**Babe, i didn't mean it like that." Meredith told her softly, "it's just... i want to know what i'm missing out there."**

"**I get it." Addie said quietly. "I'll just go, and you can catch up with your friends, besides i have a new patient coming in from Mercy West."**

**Meredith watched as Addie stood and began to move towards the door**

"**Addie' Meredith called after her.**

**Addie stopped and looked at her.**

"**Are you forgetting something?" She asked.**

**Addie sighed and moved back to the bed. She lowered her head to kiss Meredith. **

"**Love you" Meredith said quietly.**

"**Love you too." Addie sighed as she then turned again and walked out the door**


	77. the great escape

Meredith had managed to wait long enough for Addie to disappear before she whipped out her mobile phone and called Christina. She really needed the help of her best friend and person if she was going to do this.

"Christina." She spoke hurriedly.

"Day off" Christina replied.

"And that would be why you were just walking around the hospital looking for surgeries." Meredith replied smartly.

"Ok, so you've got me there. What's up?"

"Well..." I need a favour. Meredith told her.

Christina listened closely to exactly what Meredith wanted before she flipped closed her mobile phone.

Meredith waited for an hour before she started stressing that Christina had not came good with her promise.

Of course she was stressing over nothing, especially when 

Christina came traipsing in with a big smirk on her face.

"Done?" Meredith asked.

"Done" Christina replied before presenting Meredith with a form. "Just sign here and here." She told her.

Meredith sighed gratefully. She quickly signed the papers 

before looking at Christina. "Now how are you going to get me out of here?" she asked.

Christina couldn't help but smirk. "Trust me, it's going to be good."

Meredith nods and waits for her to continue.

Once they are ready Christina hands Meredith her coat and escorts Meredith, on wobbly feet, out of the hospital to Alex who was waiting in the car.

"Come on" he said. "I've managed to pack an overnight bag for you, but i don't want us to be caught, so we better get to the airport now."

Meredith sighed and took one look back at the hospital. She hated that things had come to this, but she had her heart set on this, and she was not going to be confined to a hospital, she was going to do this.

Alex drove away from the hospital and took Meredith to the airport.

Alex and Christina walked with her all the way to the boarding gate before they left. They knew that what they were doing was going to cause a major up roar between their bosses, but it was worth the risk for their friend's happiness. They knew that her family had been blinded by fear and that was why she was undergoing test after test, but 

they could not stand back and let her be miserable anymore.

"One last task." Christina said as she waved the envelope to Alex.

"Yeah yeah, and i'm the deliver boy." He replied as he gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek and wished her a safe flight.

Christina chuckled and wished her friend the best of luck before she too made to leave, letting Meredith board her plane in peace.


	78. with or without me

Meredith had left Alex with the responsibility of giving Addie and the Chief the letters that she had written for them and now he was kicking himself for saying Yes.

He could see Addie standing at the nurses desk bellowing at the nurses and could see her dialling someone on her phone and could only imagine 

that it was Richard that she was dialling.

He had waited long enough to see her speak to the person before he heard her say openly that "the chief is on his way and you better have a bloody good explanation."

Of course the nurses had no idea that Meredith had even left and so they were looking 

at Addie as if she was a crazy person.

"Where the hell is my wife?" she asked again rather loudly.

Alex ducked back to hide when Addie looked around, and when he turned to look again he not only saw that the Chief was now standing by Addie blaring a similar 

question, but he came face to face with Bailey.

"I should have known it was one of mine." She murmured as she grabbed Alex's wrist as if he had been misbehaving in the school grounds and dragged him until he was standing in front of Addie and Richard.

"Spill" Bailey ordered.

"I don't know what your talking about" he defended himself.

"Dont play stupid." Bailey said and slapped him in the back of the head.

"What do you know?" Richard asked him through his anger.

Alex couldn't help himself. "She wrote letters for you both, but she is heading for sunnier climes." He told them and dropped the letters and ran.

"Karev get back here." Bailey hollered.

"Not on duty." He called back as he ducked into the stair well and kept running.

Richard was fuming as he looked down at the envelopes that had been dropped with Meredith's neat scrawl.

Sighing he took it and stormed off in the direction of his office. Addie quickly followed, knowing that both were going to need to discuss this.

_Dear Dad,_

_I know that you are scared and that i should have told you about my leukaemia in the first place, but all these tests, this fear that you have, well its consuming my life._

_I had alex and Christina sign me out. I needed to get away, and i am not willing to stay held hostage in a hospital bed _

_for you to find what is wrong with me, when i know that my body was just tired, and under fed. Of course i was going to lose weight under those circumstances._

_I will be back, and i don't want you to worry about me, and all i can hope is that i wont be coming back alone. That is of course if everything works out as i plan._

_I love you daddy, i do, but it's too much._

_LOVE MER._

_**DEAR ADDIE,**_

_**I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, AND IT'S BREAKING YOUR HEART THAT I HAVE LEFT, BUT I AM **_

_**HOPING THAT YOU WILL JOIN ME SOON.**_

_**I HAVE GONE SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU HAD WANTED US TO GO, AND I AM VISITING AN OLD FRIEND.**_

_**I NEED FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS WHAT WE WANTED FROM LIFE, AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANYBODIES FEAR **_

_**STOP MY BODY DOING SOMETHING IT WAS MEANT TO DO.**_

_**I LOVE YOU, AND IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE ME STRAIGHT BACK TO THE HOSPITAL THEN YOU CAN FLY DOWN TO ME AND JOIN ME ON THE NEXT STEP OF OUR JOURNEY.**_

__

_**IF NOT, I NEED TO PROMISE YOU THAT I WILL NOT BE COMING BACK ALONE, AND THE IMPACT OF THAT, MIGHT BE MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE. **_

_**SO COME TO ME, TAKE THIS STEP, IT IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WANTED FOR ALL TIME.**_

_**LOVE YOU FROM HERE TO THE STARS**_

_**MER.**_

Addie folded up her envelope and didn't need to think of where Meredith had gone.

"She's not coming back alone?" Richard asked.

"Baby." Addie murmured.

"What?" Richard asked.

"She's going to Naomi. She's a fertility specialist. We were going to go there in a few weeks time. Remember how i told you that we wanted to start a family. I am guessing she got sick of waiting, she's going to go ahead with or without me." Addie told him.

Richard looked at Addie completely trouble by the news.

"She's under weight." Richard said.

"It wont stop her from trying." Addie replied quickly.

"Unless you get there first." Richard answered.

"I know" Addie told him. "Which means i have to leave now."

Richard nodded. "Call me when you catch up with her."

"Will do" Addie called as she raced out of Richards office, and without any bother to 

change she headed straight for the airport.


	79. WE WILL DO THIS

**Meredith had just reached NAOMI's office and knocked lightly. After she had arrived in L.A she booked into her hotel and slept for a while. She really needed to rest and make sure she was feeling a little better before she rocked up on her doorstep.**

**What she didn't expect when Naomi opened the door was to find Addie already there.**

"**You came?" Meredith asked nervously.**

**Addie stood and moved to stand by her side. "Of course i did Mer. I wouldn't let you go through this by yourself." Addie told her as she kissed her cheek.**

**Meredith sighed and wrapped her arms tightly round herself.**

"**Come in Meredith." Naomi said warmly as she watched one of her closest friends with her partner.**

"**Hey" Meredith said as she smiled softly at Naomi. Now that she was here she was unsure about what she should be doing now.**

"**How are you feeling?" Naomi asked a Meredith took a seat and Addie sat down beside her.**

"**I... I'm good." Meredith mumbled as she curled up into herself.**

"**Addie has told me that you have been in hospital." Naomi commented, "and i have read your file."**

**Meredith nodded. "It really wasn't necessary. There was no reason for me to be admitted. They were just all worried."**

**Naomi looked at Addie and then back to Meredith before she nodded. "I still need to run my own tests Meredith, and i am not willing to carry out the IVF if your body is not healthy and prepared."**

"**I have been eating regularly. My last meal was an hour ago. I slept 2 hours ago, as well as rested a little on the **

**plane. I have gained weight since i last jumped on the scales, so i can't see what problems may arise." Meredith told her.**

"**Well let me be the judge of that mer." Naomi told her. "After all, i am the doctor."**

**Meredith groaned, but still nodded. **

"**Ok, what i want to do first is i am going to test both of you, and see which one of you would be the best person to carry this pending child. I know you want to do this Mer, but this is the other alternative." Naomi spoke to them both.**

**Meredith sighed but looked to Addie who just wrapped her arm around her. "We will do this." Addie told her.**

**Meredith looked back to Naomi, and continued to listen to what she had to say about the process. **

"**While we are waiting on the test results i suggest you guys go through our catalogue and find yourselves a donor." Naomi finished.**

**Meredith shrugged. She really hadn't thought about the qualities that were needed or wanted from the donating male. She knew that this would have at least been something that Addie had considered. It was very much her type of thing.**

"**OK, well let's get these tests done." Naomi said as she stood and clapped her hands together. **


	80. DEFY THE ODDS

**Tests were ran, and Meredith was really quite used to the process right now, except for maybe the vaginal examination, which she had refused for Naomi to do, and asked for Addie to carry out. **

**Naomi had refused to let that happen, but Addie had somehow managed to talk her into it. After all, Meredith had not let anyone touch her down there in 8 years and she wasn't about to start now.**

"**Meredith" Naomi had sighed, "you need to let me do this."**

**But Meredith had argued the point, and Addie on seeing how stressed Meredith was had stepped in.**

**Addie had conducted the examination as professionally as possible, but she knew a lot relied on the examination, and the outcome could definitely be interesting.**

**They had managed to survive the examination, and Addie had been pleased that she found everything was looking good. However, when it came to Addie's turn Meredith could only stand to the side and hold Addie's hand.**

**They had been nervous through all the testing, and now both sat holding each other as Naomi looked at them nervously.**

"**Ok, so the tests have been done." She told them, "and the odds are really against you guys." Naomi continued. "Things aren't looking too flash for you addie, and mer, your low white cell count bothers me."**

**Meredith dropped her head, from all that Naomi had said so far things weren't going to happen for them.**

"**So what i want to do, is run the risk and make an implantation in both of you." Naomi had told them. "I have never done this before, but you need to understand that if you agree to this you will run the risk of having two children, and if you don't you could possibly end up with none. You may still end up with none though. I am not going to make promises."**

**Meredith looked up to Addie who was sitting there expressionless.**

"**We are going to defy the odds." Addie said to Naomi. "We will go for the double."**

**Meredith looked at her dumbly. As much as she wanted to, she would have preferred to have at least have spoken with Addie about this.**

**Naomi sensing this turned to Meredith. "Is that what u want?' she asked**

**Meredith sighed. "I guess" she said quietly.**

**Naomi nodded. "Well, who wants to go first." She said as she stood moving to gather the paper work.**


	81. CRASHING DOWN

**UPDATE**

**9 MONTHS LATER**

**Meredith rested her head back against the pillow. She was exhausted and knew that there was nothing she could do now but sleep, she needed to recuperate. Her body had been through a rather vigorous ordeal considering she had just given birth.**

**Her body ached, and her mind was full. Whirling around in treacherous waters as Addie was up in the delivery room undergoing a c-section. **

**Meredith hated that she couldn't be with her, and it was made worse by the fact that she had been pre-clamptic carrying the twins, but had surprisingly the birth had gone smoothly despite the fact that Addie had not been able to stand by and hold her hand as her own contractions had begun.**

**She would not have thought that nine months ago that she would be the mother of twins, let alone the twins that **

**Addie was carrying too. Once they found out they pretty much both freaked out.**

**Meredith closed her eyes and thought of the babies that had been taken up to the nicu to be checked out. She knew that the two little girls were going to be her entire world, but she wasn't sure how they were going to manage with 4 children. 4 babies at home. Plus they hadn't even decided what their names were going to be. After all they hadn't been able to agree on anything between the two of them.**

**They had only managed to survive the past nine months because they had Christina and Alex move in with them, as the odd couple, although at one stage Meredith was sure that Christina and Preston her brother, had been together, it seemed that they had grown apart. Or was it that they shakie hand from being shot had really split them down the middle.**

**Meredith wanted to drift off to sleep, but as tempted as she was she knew that there would be someone coming with News in regards to Addie and the twin boys.**

**Running a hand over her now empty stomach Meredith wondered how life would work out for them.**

**Dr Barrett walked into the room. He had been the Doctor on Addie's c-section.**

**The first thing that Meredith noticed was the grim look on her face. Things weren't good. She knew the look that Doctors gave patients families when they had to deliver the bad news.**

"**Oh God" Meredith murmured. Her nightmare was coming true.**

"**There was a lot of bleeding" Dr Barrett told her.**

**Tears welled in Meredith's eyes as she struggled to grasp what he was telling her.**

"**It wasn't good Meredith." He had continued.**

"**The boys... they are in the NICU." He told her, "and Addie... well Addie is..."**

**Meredith didn't want to hear it. She wanted to block her ears, it couldn't be true.**

"**Addie is up in recovery, we somehow managed to get stop the bleeding, but we will need to monitor her very closely." He finished and Meredith opened her eyes in shock.**

"**What?" Meredith asked.**

"**She looks to be ok, but we had to put her under." Dr Barrett told her before patting her leg, "get some rest and one of the nurses will be in later to take you up to see her."**

"**OK" Meredith murmured, feeling her hearts start to beat again. Her world had almost came crashing down to the ground, but somehow, they were surviving.**


	82. ALONE

**LAST UPDATE:**

**Meredith leaned over the crib of her little girl. Her dad had been very careful in selecting the cribs, and had even had their names painted on them. **

**Meredith was not sure how she was going to do this, especially now that she was all alone. **

**Meredith reached in to pick up her precious little Skye. She was the smallest of all the babies. The one that had to be held the most and receive the most attention.**

**Meredith was extra careful when holding her, she had made sure to support her head and cuddled her close.**

"**I love you baby," Meredith whispered to her.**

**Meredith gave her a quick kiss on the head before she placed the sleeping infant back in to her crib and moved onto the gorgeous little girl that was also hers. She looked **

**down at her more healthier twin, the one who somehow managed to survive so well with very little attention. She seemed so independent that Meredith was in awe of her little girls strength. Lilly was said to be a spitting image of her mother, and yet, Meredith could not see it.**

**She picked up Lilly and gave her a soft kiss. She held her for a moment before making sure she was okay again to put back down.**

**This was Meredith's routine for the babies every night before she went to bed, and she never got sick of it.**

**She had then continued on to Harry and Lucas. She had made sure that they too were comfortable, and they never went without.**

**She had never considered the fact that she would ever have to do this alone, and now, Addie was gone, without a chance to say goodbye.**

**Meredith switched off the light to the nursery and moved back into her room.**

**She closed her eyes as she heard the music playing softly on the radio. "Everyone knows i'm in over my head, over my head." **

"**How true" Meredith thought as she looked to the empty place beside her and hoped that one day, she would not be alone.**

_THERRE IS A POSSIBILITY FOR A SEQUEL HERE BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL YOU WHY MEREDITH WAS ALONE, AND WHAT HAPPENED TO ADDIE... LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ONE... CHEERS... KATIE_


End file.
